Every day I wake up to the smashing of construction noise. Men yelling orders, cranes lifting, saws buzzing. These noises are all welcome at 10:30a.m. to keep my from sleeping all day– the waitress gig runs fairly late in the evening sometimes and all that running about is really quite exhausting. So the construction starts around 9am, it wakes me around 10:30, and I’m in the bathroom washing my face by 10:45. So each morning around 10:45 I have my first encounter with the woman behind the mirror.
And I don’t mean me.
My next door neighbor is a camerawoman who has apparently lived in the same one bedroom apartment for ten years. This “staying” thing she does is completely unheard of to me, as I enjoy living in a new apartment almost every year. And perhaps there is something deeper in my needing to vacate each year, but I feel it is not as deep as her needing to stay year after year.
Perhaps I’m totally off base.
Each morning at 10:45, I wash my face, open the medicine cabinet to grab my toothbrush, and I shut the medicine cabinet with good force to ensure it closes. Each morning, precisely when I close my cabinet, she slams her shut. As if echoing me from across some deep abysmal chasm. I usually tilt my head curiously as I brush, and wonder if she is brushing directly behind me. If the construction starts her day like it does my own, if her boyfriend kisses her goodbye before he leaves and invites the pooch in for some morning snuggles.
Foamy mouthfuls of toothpaste go down the drain and I replace the brush in it’s home behind the door. As I shut that door to wash my face, another echoing shut. This time harder. Reminding me that she is still on the other side, maybe also moving onto the face washing portion of her morning. Face washed, back into the cabinet for some face lotion. Door shuts, hers slams shuts.
So I’ve started opening and shutting the door more than necessary to see if her morning routine is simply to mimic the noise I may be making, or if she actually has some purpose slamming these doors. Slamming away. SLAMMING AWAY. I will go shut the door now to see how she responds.
Nothing.
Mr. Man is convinced she is a hoarder. An A&E special.
I just heard the response slam. She must have had to come from another room to slam back.
WHAT IS MY PART IN THIS MORNING RITUAL?????
There would be much less door slamming if I did not conduct experiments to test whether her door slamming was determined by my own. For every door I slam shut, one slams back at me. There has to be a lesson here. We have the second apartment in a fourplex, 1950′s Craftsman-style home with crown molding, pink bathroom tiles once designed to welcome men home from war and a built in china cabinet, and when we first moved in, the couple at the back (you can think of both Mr. Man and me and the back couple like the bread that surrounds the morning door-slammer) whispered to us that the meat of our fourplex sandwich had given them a list of “do’s and don’ts” when they first moved to their Craftsman home. Saying she had been here ten years and these were the things that were acceptable.
I cannot play higher power in another’s life. I can continue door shutting/slamming experiments only if I approach them humorously and scientifically, and not with expectations which will lead to resentment and pent-up anger. At what point does the game get old?
And is this a game to the woman behind the mirror? Or is my experiment driving her insane? I am afraid of asking her because I don’t want a “I’m going to tell you how to live next door to me list” to be hand delivered into or from shaking fingers.
Mr. Man said not to antagonize her. I informed him of my scientific reasons for conducting this experiment saying it is research into human behavior and psychology of door slamming. He told me I should discuss it with Jill instead of conducting this single blind experiment in which the dependent variable has no idea she is in an experiment. I said that is the point of an experiment.
He said I cannot treat the A&E neighbor like a rat.
I said I am not B.F. Skinner.
No doors were slammed between us. The experiment continues.
geo
January 5, 2011
Fascinating. That’s all, just simply fascinating. I’m curious to see what comes of this experiment.
Stephen
January 5, 2011
That’s pretty funny. My experience is that these things tend to happen in some part of the brain which doesn’t easily connect with the area of consciousness which controls our everyday actions in a wider context. Which means that if you actually talked to her about it, the reaction might be one of confusion and a certain surreal sense of bewilderment rather than anger or hostility – almost like one world suddenly interfering with another. The anger and emotion exist only in the action itself, in that narrow context, and are not present within other contexts.
On the other hand, she might be a nutcase and consequently have unusual connections, wiring and brain circuitry which make her an outlier rather than a typical lab rat. So you might want to be careful until that can be ruled out.
Steve in Toronto
January 5, 2011
Perhaps your neighbor has OCD. That could explain the hoarding. Perhaps the door slamming is a compulsion she can’t control.
Nice to see you back Jennie.
Willis
January 5, 2011
Funny.
Steph
January 5, 2011
It’s got to be more than coincidence that her slams echo yours. Keep up the research!
P.S. I passed my Basic Algebra class….thanks for the encouragement.
wisenheimer
January 5, 2011
You are such a good writer!
Invisible Mikey
January 5, 2011
Quite a funny post. I like your work when it has this kind of light touch.
Just talking out of my hat, but it sounds like mammalian territorial-defense behavior to me. Like when dogs bark.
(I’m dealing with the construction of a McMansion next door in my latest post.)
Greg
January 5, 2011
Jennie,
You are a sweet wonderful person that I feel has almost lived an isolated existence. You amaze and astonish me with your sweet delectable innocence hidden behind an industry and drugs for so many years. Sorry to say it Jennie, but I side with Mr. Man. The lady is crazy as hell. No need in testing, the conclusion is easy enough to understand she obviously suffers from obsessive compulsive disorder.
Please be sweet and recognize that she is much more ill than you ever were and be kind to her.
Remember I have ended many times with…
Remember to laugh and smile as much and often as you can, make those around you laugh and smile as much as you can. And LOVE everybody for we are here but for a little while.
Don’t be ornery!!! No more experiments on the poor lady next door.
Greg
Michael
January 5, 2011
Forgive me for being obtuse, but why not simply ask her? Surely, that’s most healthy option–for all involved, right?
Clint
January 5, 2011
Either A. she needs to hear her own slam to balance her life when you hear hers. Like some people who pinch one arm to even out the pain when the other one gets pinched or do you talk to her regularly or have you met her just briefly, cuz it could be B. it is an impulse that she does hoping you two can talk or talk again. kind of a cry out of lonliness
L.C.
January 6, 2011
Dear Jennie,
Nice to have a cup of coffee and your musings in the morning, thank you. So the medicine cabinet door slams back at you. What a great scene for a movie, it opens so many possibilities for story lines. Fact, fiction or science about the door slammer makes for peaking ones curiosity.
Sounds as though you are becoming well adjusted to the whims of life, neighbors and our individuality and that like the 10 years in one abode lady it might be worth sticking around for after the construction next door ends. Not sure if that is getting stale, changing for one’s own health or just developing richness in one’s life.
Thanks again for the thoughts and musings. By-the-way what happened to all the electric, roof leak, mold problems, don’t recall having seen your update. Life is full of pitches, Good luck Kid, LC
firstverb
January 6, 2011
Miss Jennifer,
A very happy 21 months. Enjoy being in today more than ever. Wishing you happiness in each moment of the day.
Enjoyed the post it’s good to see your words. I would agree with Mr Man about antagonizing her. The neighbor sounds like she has her own issues to deal with, and adding to those issues might have adverse outcomes. I’m just saying put yourself in her shoes for a bit. And imagine a life where you felt you must respond to every stimulus. Those of us with OCD know our obsessions make no sense, yet there is a overwhelming all encompassing dread if things aren’t just so. I’m not saying change who you are to accommodate her, I’m saying don’t purposefully add to the neighbors disorder.
Hope you and Mr Man had a pleasant New Year & Christmas. Getting to sharing each others traditions and possibly creating new ones. Enjoy your day living growing becoming more.
Have a glorious day.
Rayne
January 6, 2011
I’m proud that you’re sticking to your rehab. Being a waitress is a step down from what you used to do monitarily and that can’t be easy. Way to go!
As for the woman next door – how about inviting her out to dinner, or over for dinner, to get to know her. Don’t bring up the bathroom cabinet thing this time, just get to know her. She may have OCD and may therefore be compulsed to slam the mirror when you do. You never know. Get to know her and it may solve the problem.
davy
January 6, 2011
“Each morning, precisely when I close my cabinet, she slams her (sic) shut.”
Gosh, my first thought was that the camerawoman was spying on you. Have you ruled out that possibility?
Mark
January 6, 2011
I am laughing out loud! That is very funny to hear. You MUST get the rules to live next door to me and post the highlights of it. It is fascinating to me and alot of fun to read about! Science must go on!!
Nick
January 6, 2011
I think you’re as bad as each other. Although I had to laugh at the image of you running round slamming doors and then being stonily silent until you heard the reciprocal slam: like Shia Lebeouf when he goes a bit loopy in the 2nd Transformers film and starts writing on the wall. Happy new year Jennie! Hope you had a good one!
Hoosier
January 6, 2011
This is so skillfully and entertainingly written! And you can already observe how your continuing education has informed it….
terry
January 6, 2011
maybe the force of the door shutting on your side pops her doors open ??
in all honestly, she’s probably one of those people who would call the police the moment the noise hits a certain level. those neighbours are annoying..
Jeff1photo
January 6, 2011
Best wishes to you two, Happy New Year and stuff
Hope you had a great Christmas… and trip?
She’s stamping her 10 years authority on you. She knows your morning routine, and you’re getting on her tits… therefore she’s trying to get on yours too.
You’ve violated one of the things on the unseen list.
You are face washing and she stood with hands on hips…
Zephyr
January 6, 2011
Great observation.
The woman on the other side of the mirror is you. You are hearing an echo. The interval between being oneself and reflecting upon oneself is worth exploring.
Michelle
January 7, 2011
Why the fuck are you slamming anything? I`d be pissed, too.
Maybe try simply closing the cabinet and pressing it to latch. Same for doors
You`re probably just being a noisy neighbor and she`s a bit of a bitch.
Toebs
January 7, 2011
> He told me I should discuss it with Jill
> instead of conducting this single blind
> experiment in which the dependent variable
> has no idea she is in an experiment.
On the basis that all contracts (interactions with others) must be voluntary and well-informed, the exception being self-defence, I concur; you can’t do stuff with other people without their knowledge and consent!
If it’s argued in any -one- case that this is okay, then what’s to stop it being okay in -all- cases? and how would we feel if that was applied to -us?-
collene spiridonoff
January 7, 2011
You should cough after you close the cabinet….just to see
if she mimics that behavior too. She is being passive
aggressive,trying to imply you close the cabinet too loud.
jason
January 8, 2011
I agree, no more experimenting, if you want to know just ask. i\If you keep experimenting you’ll just make each other nuts until one of you goes to the other and starts screaming. keep up the blog, ben reading for a while now
Lisa
January 8, 2011
I think she has OCD. It sounds like OCD. She isn’t trying to be mean and she isn’t crazy. She just can’t help herself.
She isn’t dangerous or anything. She’s probably a kind soul and one thing many folks w/ OCD share is the terror of giving offense or causing harm, so she ain’t trying to upset you. Shameless plug for folks with time on their hands: http://ocdbloggergirl.wordpress.com
H
January 9, 2011
Please, please, for the sake of sanity, don’t continue your door-slamming experiment. Mr Man & myself live in a little two-bedroom duplex in a block of 5 others, and I have to tell you, even in a block of duplexes, with only one common wall, my noisy neighbours drive me nuts. Babies screaming, cars being revved up and down the driveway (right outside our bedroom window, coincidentally), the Monthly Muslim brigade camping out in the driveway at all hours of the day and night and drunken uni students ‘forgetting’ which unit is theirs. The poor woman, give her some peace and quiet. Most likely it’s a passive-aggressive reaction to vent her anger at you slamming everything! What’s wrong with shutting the door – quietly – and then pushing it firmly into place?
For the sake of sanity, leave her alone.
Gagi
March 6, 2011
You seriously don’t know what’s going on? Really? You slam the cabinet. She slams her cabinet to let you know just how loud, intrusive, and unnecessary your actions are. For you to continue slamming doors around the apartment as an “experiment” is cruel and unusual punishment for her. Knock it off!
Lisa
March 6, 2011
my hoarding post http://ocdbloggergirl.wordpress.com/2011/02/25/hoarders-invasion-of-the-evil-cable-clowns-edition/#comments
Eric
March 16, 2011
Shhhhhh! I’m huntin wabbits. hehehehehehe