The book released two days ago. I haven’t thrown up on a single person/thing or in a single inappropriate place. I haven’t even thrown up in an appropriate place. Stomach contents have stayed content. Wonderful feelings really. Absolutely wonderful.
Wonderful feelings mixed with paralyzing fear, that melts back into surreal wondrousity. Yup. Made up a word. Boom.
I’ve been on an incredible radio tour these past couple mornings, getting to speak with radio folks across the country and only once have I been asked how many people I slept with. I laughed and told him he was such a guy. He laughed and waited for the number. Nobody likes dead silence on the radio so, thankfully, he understood the number would not be coming out. The single salacious question that has absolutely no bearing on anything going on in my life today. Thank god.
Saucy is snoring. She is such a sleepy head in the morning.
I had a nightmare last night. Dreamt that I went into Gallery Books and talked to their financial girl (don’t know if this person exists but I’m sure some form of her does), and she told me, “The bubble burst. You sold 131 books.” It wasn’t a nightmare because so few books had sold. It was a nightmare because I had no idea what that meant. Is that too few? Is that a lot of books? What bubble? What does bubble burst mean??? WHY AM I DREAMING THIS?
I had a book release party the other night, and Mr. Man was a pillar of nurturing support. He was so supportive, in fact, that my sponsor said, “He’s wonderful for you. So nurturing. So supportive.” Earlier that day, when I was doing the meltdown-shutdown dance, he said, “You seem a little overwhelmed. What do you do when you are overwhelmed.”
I said, “Shut down emotionally and punch the dog in the face.”
He said, “Let’s try asking for help instead.”
His parents came down for the party and to support me, which is delightful because my mom and dad couldn’t be here. Actually, it would be delightful if my mom and dad were here, it’s delightful they came regardless of whether or not my parents came. But having them here makes me feel like my mom and dad are here. Everybody needs a mom and dad. Knowing he couldn’t come, my dad sent beautiful yellow roses to the restaurant. It was almost like he was there. As close as he and I could get to him being there.
The amount of people who came to the party show support continues to astound me. Continues to remind me that I am such a fortunate woman. It is also a reminder of why I am sober, so that I may give the same support to the next man or woman in my life who needs it.
I am doing the best I can. I am showing up when I am told to show up. I am staying close. I am staying safe. I am excited and terrified and pleased and afraid and in awe and not afraid and all the things a human being is and can be. I do the dishes when I don’t know what else to do, or when I start to think of myself. I’m going to a meeting right now and yoga later. We will BBQ today and there will be more dishes to do, and it’s these kind of things that keep me happy.
The majority of interviews have asked why I wrote the book, what inspired me to do so, and I have told them repeatedly, it’s the community of people on this blog that inspire me to continue as I do and to write what has been written. The strong, compassionate, and empathetic people in this space have inspired every word of I am Jennie, and who continue to inspire me. Again, thank you all for everything you say, do, feel and share. I am the better for having met all of you. 
hallucinatingmartyr
July 12, 2012
Reblogged this on hallucinatingmartyr.
becomingjennie
July 12, 2012
love!
hallucinatingmartyr
July 13, 2012
Bill M.
July 12, 2012
Your humility and gratitude are an inspiration. You’ve discovered a wonderful way to live life to the fullest.
Congratulations, Jennie.
Bill
P.S. I’ve been sneaking peeks at your book at Barnes & Noble. Mine (that I ordered from Amazon) should arrive today. Can’t wait to dig into it.
becomingjennie
July 12, 2012
Thank you Bill, for being here and sharing in my life. Very excited to hear what you think!
Andy
July 12, 2012
I am about to finish the book today. I have been glued to it, no joke. I find it riveting and fascinating. I am a guy, so one of the obvious reasons for this fascination is the subject matter, BUT, and I’m not blowing smoke up your ass because I really am about to finish the book in 2.5 evenings of reading, the other reason is because it is such good writing. I can’t put my finger on it, but your concise organization of events, and tone/quality/flow to your writing also contributes to my focused attention. Not only does your personality shine through in the funny parts, but your description of some emotional moments when you were disappointing an old boyfriend affected me too. Congrats Jennie, this is very readable, very interesting and just a really cool telling of your story. Not many people have the capability to organize their thoughts like this and actually tell their story. Good job!
becomingjennie
July 12, 2012
Thank you so much Andy! I am honored to have spent the past evenings with you, and grateful that you are sharing such kindness and compassion here!
Andy
July 18, 2012
There have only been a few books that have taken me to that “I can’t put this down” state: most books by Tom Robbins, rock bios like of Neil Young, and this. Congrats on making the upper pantheon of my literary enjoyment!
becomingjennie
July 20, 2012
Amazing Andy!!! An honor and blessing, thank you!
tonykorleone
July 12, 2012
HI Jennie, it’s Tony Korleone . I bought your book off of Amazon. Can’t wait to get it and start reading
Hope to bump into you someday for you to sign it.
xo
-Tony
becomingjennie
July 12, 2012
Would LOVE to sign it. I’m sure our paths will cross…
tonykorleone
July 12, 2012
Thanks Jennie xo
Eric
July 12, 2012
Release the Kraken! Your title cracked me up this morning, so I had add a comment (first time commenter, by the way). I haven’t read your book yet, but it’s on my list. I’m always curious about lives different from my own, although I think everyone has the same type of struggles deep down. I DID read Ron Jeremy’s autobiography on a lark which was…interesting in a morbid way. Not that he’s a bad person, but being in that life style most of your adult life I think makes you less of person and more of the character you portray in film. Does that make sense?
becomingjennie
July 12, 2012
Totally makes sense. That’s why I had to leave the business! Because the only thing I knew to be was the character I portrayed. Nothing else behind. Very sad existence. Anyway, I got ya friend. Thanks for following and sharing here…
Eric
July 12, 2012
No problem. It’s a pleasure. I am not anti-porn (it’s a personal choice to perform and others to view) but I do think it can lead to a certain defect in your personality—perhaps I should say it flushes out the defects that made you go into it in the first place. That being said: I COULD label a woman who does porn to be a whore; but what does that make me (the male viewer)? Am I any better? Or am I worse?
becomingjennie
July 12, 2012
Classic chicken or the egg question I think… Is there any better or worse? Good or bad?
michael92105
July 12, 2012
…and I better for having met you.
Isn’t this the craziest life you have ever lived?
Funny how I was just going through the channels one day long ago and saw the show with little passing interest.
You grabbed me though. I saw in you real recovery. I remember a scene in the hot tub where there was some light S&M pretending going on and you left the tub. I was impressed. I could see that spark in you and that attracted me to be here.
Thank you for all you do, Jennie. So very inspiring. Much love and respect.
L.C.
July 12, 2012
Dear Jennie,
Two things pop up for me. First you say, “I have told them repeatedly, it’s the community of people on this blog that inspire me to continue as I do and to write what has been written. The strong, compassionate, and empathetic people in this space have inspired every word…” To which I respond you are most welcome but my guess is I can speak for most of your readers by saying the appreciation and the thanks flows also in your direction. Connection with/between people albeit among here among mostly strangers through cyberspace is connection that transmits values, understanding and meaning is just the same; connection and meaning. Human support of each other is the strengthening of a group and our species, all to often discourage by market forces of survival of the fittest when in fact we survive because of our interactions. Yes people make fun of the slogan, “It takes a village to raise a child” but your blog brings credence to it takes a village to nurture/support adults who intern can support the village.
So to you, I say, you are welcome, as well as thanks.
Secondly I love your description of radio silence and the economic and professional pressures brought to bear on the interviewer. Perhaps there was more than punishment. Silence is a great communicator only if we stay connected. I am guessing there was deeper meaning for you than just wanting to avoid the question or by fighting it off. Is this a glimpse of that silence’s meaning? “The single salacious question that has absolutely no bearing on anything going on in my life today.”
Is there likely even deeper meaning as you value being seen as you are, not as people would like to define you for their own purposes? Is it you value the sanctity of your individually, self beauty, and the ability to have choice, autonomy, space, peace, warmth, cooperation – spontaneity etc? I did not hear the quality of the silence, so I have no idea, but gather your meaning flowed even over dead air.
Congratulations, like a great snowboard run in deep snow with lots of linked turns, who say life is a roller coaster? Good luck, Kid, LC
becomingjennie
July 12, 2012
As always LC, you rock. Your comment is precise and on point. Observant and insightful. Funny how one question, and the refusal to answer that one question (an unnecessary question to say the least), can mean so much more. I remember I was asked that once on E!, in some interview about Tiger Woods, and they asked how many people I’d been with~ I blurted out some inaccurate number, totally without boundaries, thinking I absolutely had to share that information because I was being asked to and expected to. It’s a situation that has replayed in my mind, and I’ve always wondered why I felt so inclined to throw out some consolatory number, as if a number mattered, as if anyone has any right to know or define anyone else by that.
Anyway, I’m glad I don’t have to do that today. I’m glad I didn’t have to. Thanks LC.
L.C.
July 12, 2012
Dear Jennie,
What a rich reply — in it I heard perhaps more. You said, “…without boundaries, thinking I absolutely had to share that information because I was being asked to and expected to.” Not sure what this has to do with boundaries but the way I am hearing your feeling compelled to answer, violated your values of your individually, self beauty, and the ability to have choice, autonomy, space, peace, warmth, cooperation – spontaneity etc.
So in a rhetorical sense why do we feel compelled to violate our own values? Yet as humans we seem to do it a lot. My sense of what compels us in the circumstances you described and perhaps compelled you then was a need to belong, a need for cooperation, honesty (to be honest about your self), competence generally, competence (to name a number, secondary, accuracy) easier than saying “fuck off” or simply a sense that answering fulfilled a need to foster communication and develop the dialog in a gentile way. In essence you responded in a way that felt good but also raw as there were also unmet autonomy needs.
So what I am gathering when you gave that number, in the E! interview, alarms went off. So what I am guessing the next time this time you had a chance, in the interview the other day — clarity came through; your silence represented just how much you value honesty, communication, competence, ease; as well as your individually, self beauty, and the ability to have choice, autonomy, peace, warmth, cooperation etc. Perhaps above all somehow in that silence you were communicating how much you valued “belonging” – belonging to a group where all those values were honored. Perhaps you made an implicit request for the interviewer to recognize how complex our shared human values are and necessary in creating sustainable community. Perhaps on some level he understood. Or was it something else?
Who knows? Only he and you know. And the only way to find out is to check with each other. Perhaps in getting more clarity for yourself; the rest of us have more understanding in our lives, thanks, Kid, LC
Jhoop
July 12, 2012
I had totally forgotten that I had preordered your book in May so when I got it yesterday it was a total surprise. Needless to say my family had cereal for dinner. I could not put your book down. It was so many things: funny, sad, startling, revealing, just to name a few. Your story/journey is an awesome one and your journey is going to take you everywhere you ever wanted to go. I am a stay at home mom of three living in Ohio and you are the most awesome person I have ever met. Never stop believing in yourself and I won’t either.
becomingjennie
July 12, 2012
I love this, and you. Thank you for your words, your kindness, and for sharing in this journey.
Max
July 12, 2012
Amazon have informed me my (your) book is on the way…..(bias) review will be forthcoming
becomingjennie
July 12, 2012
yaaaaay!!!
Stephster
July 12, 2012
One-third of the book down. I got odd looks yesterday at work during my lunch hour because I was totally engrossed in my phone. I probably would have made it further had I not had heat stroke yesterday and passed out early (it’s an INSANE week of triple digits in the Central Valley right now and my car has no AC!!). I will be eagerly resuming my phone engrossment during today’s lunch and after therapy.
Steph
July 12, 2012
I’ve been trying to keep up with your sobriety journey since seeing you on Sex Rehab. I had never heard of your character before then. And, as the wife of a recovering and 4 years sober sex addict, it was fascinating to see how this powerful and debilitating condition manifests within a woman. The only reason I haven’t finished the book as of right now is that I have a three month old that requires my attention.
As I’ve said already on here and on Twitter, I can’t put this book down. You are an amazing writer and reading your story is most definitely riveting. I plan to put my review on Amazon once I am done. So, so glad I picked up your memoir. It is worth it and then some. 
Well done, and I agree with another commenter: I hope this isn’t your last book. It is one day at a time and what great journey to share with us. Thank you!
*hugs* Steph (crzyfrogldy)
becomingjennie
July 12, 2012
I love this, and am so grateful that you have shared part of your story with me. When I first started this blog, a wife of a sex addict reached out and shared that she was unhappy with what I was writing (in terms of sharing my personal recovery story), and it’s always been in the back of my mind. I realize that it was separate stuff that inspired her to write, not my stuff, but still.. it was always there. I am so happy that your husband has four years, and that you have a small person to care for, and that you care for yourself as it sounds you do. Thank you for sharing here, you made my day.
Invisible Mikey
July 12, 2012
I’ve done the prep for being able to appreciate your work, which should arrive today. I read a range of books from others who left that biz (Oriana Smalls, Traci Lords, Jerry Butler etc.) to get a broader view of the variety of attitudes and motives. I re-studied some of the film/TV treatments of stories about sex workers. I live in a town that once had as many brothels as hotels, as well as a thriving trade in porn photography to cater to the large population of sailors. The descendants of those people still live here and permeate the local zeitgeist. Back when I was a casting agent I had some long talks with Ronnie Hiatt (Jeremy). My first apartment in California was in San Francisco, two blocks from the Mitchell Brothers’ O’Farrell St.Theater, where a decade earlier they had filmed “Behind the Green Door”. I knew people from that crowd. I think I’m ready to read and review with proper respect. (WOO-HOO!)
becomingjennie
July 12, 2012
hahahahha LOVE THIS MIKEY!!!! You seem totally prepared to read what I’ve created…. You rock.
umbria21
July 12, 2012
Hi Jennie,
I am an old guy and I really was not aware you had a career in adult entertainment. I found this blog because I saw the cover of your book in a bookstore. So much exposed female flesh is bound to catch the eye of any man. I opened the book and started reading it. I will, no doubt, buy it. I write also (mainly poems, unpublished) an I have always been intrigued by a memoir, autobiography, or any book that reveals the life of the author. I read many memoirs of people who have struggled through what seem to be insurmountable situations or trauma. Frequently, I have read several memoirs about people with severe neurological or psychological afflictions such as bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, obsessive compulsive disorder, major depression, anorexia/bulemia, cutting, obsessive suicidal ideation, drug or alcohol abuse, and teenage promiscuity. All of their stories include a strong effort to not only survive through the disorder or trauma, but to transend it. Many, with the help of friends and a psychotherapist, begin the long and difficult journey of coping and then advance to the even more difficult process of self-discovery and reinvention.I believe you have begun that process of self-discovery now and I respect you for the enormous courage it must have taken to even start down that path. Stay strong, the road to self-discovery is never easy and it often will lead to long unrecognized and uncomfortable feelings which must be acknowledged and dealt with in a constructive self-accepting sort of way. It seems like you have a good number of fans, followers and friends who support you. I hope you have some regular meetings with a psychotherapist too. I, personally, have had huge challenges to deal with in my life, including a disease that nearly killed me. Through the support of my friends and my psychotherapist, I was able to cope with the trauma and deal with the effects of it. I am now a different person. Happy, confident, and free from anxiety. I believe you have a very strong core and will successfully navigate your way to the person you want to be — the person you really are. I just want you to know that I support you on your journey and consider your courage and strength quite remarkable. I wish you all the best. Take care.
becomingjennie
July 12, 2012
Thank you so much Umbria, I am honored that you picked up the book and found more inside than the cover may suggest. I have been blessed with a psychotherapist who has been seeing me (pretty much) for free for the past three years as well as a psychiatrist who has been mentoring me. In addition to that, I participate in 12-step programs and have a sponsor with whom I share everything. And of course, the support of an MD, Dr. Drew. I am incredibly blessed in the amount of professional support, and even more blessed – as you noticed – with support from fans here. The journey of self-discovery seems to be a lifelong adventure, and I thank you for your support. I hope you continue to come here and enjoy the posts and community. Best~ Jennie
umbria21
July 12, 2012
Thanks for taking the time to reply. I really appreciate that. I think you are taking all the right steps to successfully navigate your way to a new place. Take care.
firstverb
July 12, 2012
Miss Jennifer,
I am so happy that you are enjoying the craziness yet maintaining normalness. I was just wondering if there was going to be a less graphic version of your book. I was told by a respected young lady in my world which is reading or has by now read your book, that parts could be extremely explicate and graphic. As I have avoided that part of your life as best as I can on-line through video or images, I’d like to try and not have those images enter my brain through words. The brain can take us places that our eyes can’t, if you get what I mean. I’m not wanting to be puritanical or censor what you have to say. I just wish to live blissfully ignorant about that persona that you were. I hope you take this in the way it was intended. You are a much stronger person than I will ever be, and I am happy to have you as part of my little world. Happiness for you and Mr Man sweet lady.
becomingjennie
July 12, 2012
Unfortunately, to live blissfully ignorant of the person I was is to live blissfully ignorant of the person I am today. My life has been graphic in nature, from sex at 13 to pornography to my leaving the business. I cannot censor any part of it if I am to be honest about all of it. You can feel free to skip over those parts in the book though, and I’m sure that Heather can give you a heads up as to what parts you’d like to skip.
Best of luck Grant.
firstverb
July 13, 2012
Miss Jennifer, The censoring of who you are isn’t something you should do, and I wouldn’t ask you to. I am sorry if you feel I was asking you to do this. I was just wishing to not be exposed the graphicness. I do believe this blog has given me a very good idea who Jennifer E. Ketcham is, where she came from to where she wishes to go. One day I will read your book, and I probably will be skipping over parts. Not because I don’t wish to know who you are, but because I know that isn’t who you are anymore. Thank you for your kind reply. I hope you have a fantastic day dear lady.
michael92105
July 12, 2012
Dear Jennie: The book came today-very excited to start reading it…the thing about the silence brought me back to meetings and how I have learned to enjoy the silence between people sharing. Also the Neil Young lyrics from the song “Grandpa’s Interview” (Greendale album)
Grandpa died like a hero
Fightin’ for freedom of silence
Tryin’ to stop the media
Tryin’ to be anonymous
Fightin’ for freedom of silence. Just love that. Take good care and as always, stay close!
michael
Peter
July 12, 2012
Bought your book today!
You inspire me a lot with your guts (emptied onto the floor, or not. ‘Courage’ is not visceral enough a word for what you’re doing… ) and with your wit – it all makes me recognize that so much healing is possible.
I’ve read a few reviews – please know that the one detractor I read simply didn’t comprehend at all how difficult it is to do what you’re doing, or how complicated it is to do so publicly, OR to do it in such a jaded, media saturated age as we live in now.
There were more who DID get it!
You so thoroughly rock, I might add.
becomingjennie
July 12, 2012
Thank you for the brief report on reviewers Peter! I love it!
And more importantly, thank you for participating in my recovery and my life. And for allowing me to be a part of yours…
Earl
July 12, 2012
Thank you for sharing your life experiences with us. Wishing you peace, happiness, and fulfillment in all your future endeavors.
Dennis
July 12, 2012
Hooray!!! You are one brave woman…. Ms. Jennie Ketchum. So happy on how far you have come since writing that first blog and now the release of the book, I admire how willing you have been to share your life with us and that you have helped us in different, but similiar ways. Congrats, you have much love here!
Dennis
becomingjennie
July 13, 2012
Thank you Dennis! And much love back to you!
Eric
July 12, 2012
Jennie: In response to your chicken and the egg theory, perhaps both are equal in culpability I surmise; however the male watches in private; he is hidden. There’s no doubt pornography is catered to a certain segment of a male’s inner psyche that wants to see women exploited in ways they are incapable of seeing in real life. I won’t go so far to say porn is evil, but honestly: Would anyone want their daughter doing it? I am as guilty as any man—I have watched female porn performers (you) in privacy, objectifying the female, unconsciously wanting to be THAT guy in the scene—it’s an honest assessment, but still misguided. ‘Penny Flame’ is a stage a name, an act, yet I can I see how you can be trapped into taking the identity as reality because men want to think you are a porn star character 24/7. The difference is that being I male I can relish in your exploitation in anonymity; my identity remains unchanged; yet you become stuck into something that’s not really you. As to who is the more pathetic, I don’t know, lol.
I brushed through your website today and it’s refreshing. I admit, at first hearing your conversion I was cynical about your motives for the lifestyle change and book. I wondered if you were transforming yourself into a Shelley Lubben type anti-porn bible thumper. I’m sorry I misjudged you—and I am sorry for objectifying you in the past.
I am looking forward to commenting regularly on here.
becomingjennie
July 13, 2012
These things Eric, these past things, no problems.
I wonder how pornography would be different were it not a multi-billion dollar industry. I wonder how the exchange of money changes the interaction between performers, and how a pay rate can change the tone and quality of sex. It’s interesting to think how the explosion of tube sites (free porn sites) or “do-it-yourself” porn videos have the potential to change the landscape of the entire industry. Is the home video inherently more feminist? I can’t help but feel like the exchange of money changes everything.
Just some thoughts.
Anyway, thanks for checking out the site in a more thorough way. I was cynical about myself when this first began as well, and my motives initially were less than pure. Thank god for the ability to change…
Eric
July 13, 2012
There no doubt (in my mind at least) the plethora of tube (free) sites and amateur videos have changed the landscape of how society views pornography; and it does change the relationship between performers/production companies and audience. The industry is facing a 90s Napster syndrome—why would the consumer want to pay for something that one can view for free? It’s instant access now; but is that a good thing? Yes, you have the right to watch whatever you want (within legal reasons), but the performers (who did do a job) and a production company (which funded it) are not financially compensated when it’s given away for free. If there is so much porn available instantly, will the audience become all ‘porn-ed’ out by general porn, and they will demanded more degrading outlandish scenes to raise (or lower) the bar? I do think see the effects are already being played out in the amount of degrading anal sex, POV, and gonzo scenes where women are treated more and more like an instrument and less like a human.
Moreover, it’s hard to “retire” without a clean break? Often you see and hear people going back into the business after a long hiatus or an official “retirement.” I think the ease of money in relation to the time worked makes coming back too easy to resist for return; and it’s a perfect fit if you are supporting an addiction. But there is also a certain point when you can’t return—age becomes your enemy.
Lastly, if you were cynical about your motives in your “recovery” at first, then you were being true to yourself.
foofoo5
July 12, 2012
Yeah, yeah, Jennifer. Mock me for the dumbass I am. Every time I think I’m a smart guy, somebody comes along and uses a word like “kraken.” Seriously, who talks like that? And as a trained and compensated observer of human behaviour, what did I first notice about the photo of your book signing? You’re not wearing a watch! There for as long as it takes. I respect that. Tip-o’-hat to Mr, smooch to you, treat to beast. What a day! (I wish I could account for the ID shift ecwashere/foofoo5 – otherwise known quantity)
becomingjennie
July 13, 2012
hahahah “release the kraken” is from a movie foofooec! And! The watch didn’t go with the dress
xoxo
Bonnie Rutledge
July 12, 2012
I’ve been reading ‘I Am Jennie’ since Tuesday and just finished. It was raw, beautiful, eloquent, heart-wrenching, funny, and moving. I found it impossible to read this and be numb. I cried a lot, not just because of the hard-truths and joyliciousness of each building block in your healing, but also because curled up with your book and a box of kleenex turned into a safe way to tap into my own emotions that I hide from too often. So thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing this miracle, Jennie Ketcham. These are amazing things you have done and felt, that you are still doing and feeling every day. Amazing, inspirational things.
becomingjennie
July 13, 2012
This is wonderful Bonnie! Thank you so much for sharing your tears with me, even in the curled up, kleenex position, privacy-of-your-own-home way, I appreciate being able to experience life with you. Thank you for allowing me to tap into a place you may have not gone on your own, and for sharing that journey here. You are the inspiration my friend. Thank you.
Stewart Forgie
July 12, 2012
Hi Jennie, Cant wait for my book to arrive but Amazon UK seem to have a later release than you guys over there. Still its been great reading all the replies on here, I;m really looking forward to reading it for myself and letting you know my thoughts on it.Cheers,
Stewart X
Zephyr
July 12, 2012
Mr. Man is right on! Whoop! Asking for help? Best idea ever.
becomingjennie
July 13, 2012
hahahaha Best. Idea. Ever.
So right on.
Shannon
July 12, 2012
Dear Jennie,
My book arrived in the mail yesterday and I am so happy to finally have my copy. I stayed up way too late reading it!!!!!
It has been a pleasure to follow you on your journey of recovery. I remember the first time I saw you on Celebrity Rehab. I was drawn to you immediately. You’ve come so far. You are an inspiration to me and countless others.
Enjoy these happy times in your life.
becomingjennie
July 13, 2012
The pleasure has been mine Shannon, thank you for participating in my recovery and this space here. You are part of what makes any of this possible and I am eternally grateful. xo
Gil
July 12, 2012
Did I miss the book signing? Please say you will have another one?
Gil
becomingjennie
July 13, 2012
It was just the release party, thrown at/by my restaurant… There will (gosh I hope) be a book signing tour at some point in the future. Not sure, but fingers crossed that it does well enough for me to travel and share my experiences.
Kevin
July 13, 2012
I’m so excited for you. You know, the more you move forward the more normal you sound. Meaning, back in the day, reading about you seemed like I was reading science fiction. I sympathized, but I couldn’t relate. Now you sound as screwed up as the rest of us. Combating the same anxiety most of us do on a minute to minute basis. Except most people aren’t as equipped as you. More people should take the time to learn how to identify their feelings, fix them, be okay when they have to acquiesce and on occasion have the wisdom to know the difference.
Your just like the rest of us, normal, but only better.
becomingjennie
July 13, 2012
“Now you sound as screwed up as the rest of us.” – FAVORITE QUOTE OF THE DAY
But seriously, I really appreciate this sentiment, and love that I am becoming more and more normal. And I totally relate with looking back at the beginning of this blog and it’s totally like science fiction. It’s a totally different woman! Man. Wild. Anyway.
Definitely just like the rest of us. Just part of us. Totally on the way to normal. But weird and wacky and still fucked up. But in a super normal way. Thanks Kevin… Love this.
Davy
July 13, 2012
Will you be doing a book signing tour?
becomingjennie
July 13, 2012
I believe so, but I think the places I go will mostly be determined by where books have been bought so I’m not quite sure on the places, dates, etc. yet. I will def keep you updated.
Peter
July 13, 2012
Yes indeed – please do keep us updated about signings!
Do you see yourself doing any reading of selections from your book?
Bookstores like Vromans in Pasadena host events like that. (I know it’s a lot more than a signing and might also involve q&a with attendees. I simply think it would be great to hear your words in your own voice!)
However, I certainly recognize that public speaking can be a trigger for incredible stress, no matter how respectful an audience may be. (Arg – beta blockers again…! ) I’d certainly understand if it’s not happening any time soon.
At any rate, wishing for your experience to touch as many people as can use it and that you experience the health, growth and success that you very richly deserve.
becomingjennie
July 13, 2012
I certainly hope so Peter, and I expect there will be some speaking in my future.
This is actually a big goal of mine, to do some motivational and inspiration speaking type of stuff, and of course to be able to read excerpts from the book. I read a few pages at that release party, and man, it was the only time I didn’t cry haha. Go figure.
Anyway, more will be revealed right? Yes. More will be revealed. xoxo and thanks!
thefreshmanexperience
July 13, 2012
I am very happy for you. I look forward to the finish and publication of my book soon. Your life story is very interesting and your writing style is superb. Of course, as I read it, I will see how it applies to my life. I have done that through out my career: even with To Kill A Mockingbird, Animal Farm, Romeo and Juliet, etc. Needless to say, my hat is off to you for accomplishing so much.
Shannon
July 13, 2012
Dear Jennie,
It has been so inspiring watching you grow into the wonderful woman you have become. I saw you on Celebrity Rehab and Sober House and have followed your blog from the beginning. It was so generous of you to share your story with us. You really can do anything you set your mind too! They sky’s the limit! It’s evident through your writings that are a smart, witty, kind and hard working person. I wish you all the luck with Mr. Man, your career and your book. I just ordered mine and I can’t wait to read it. You say you are so fortunate, but really, you created all of these opportunities for yourself with your hard work and dedication. Congratulations!! Celebrate – you deserve it! Shannon
becomingjennie
July 15, 2012
I would love to say I created this life, but honestly, this life was given to me by the program of recovery and my sponsor, by wonderful people like Dr. Drew, Jill Vermeire and Dr. Reef, by the authorities and professionals to whom I now turn when I don’t know what to do. Every blessed thing in my life today is a result of taking direction and listening to suggestions. My ideas get me in trouble… Staying close to these people, having a spiritual program and trusting in everything above me is what made this happen. I simply filled in the blanks…
Thank you Shannon..xo
Jason
July 13, 2012
Jennie,
I stumbled across your blog a few days ago… It felt like a cold, hard slap across my face.
Every non-working, waking hour was spent reading every entry… watched the Rehab episodes..I just finished the book. I feel like I’ve been in a whirlwind 72 hr meeting….
Anyway, your courage to share your journey has inspired me…
I am now 48 hours into my journey and living each hour one at a time…
Thank you for the slap!!
becomingjennie
July 15, 2012
Amazing Jason! Welcome to a new life, and remember, it’s one day at a time. You are worth every minute of your recovery and the road may seem impossible at times, but you are never alone, and never have to feel alone again.
Congratulations my friend, and welcome…
Dave
July 13, 2012
Aw. And we’re all better for having read your blog Jennie. You continue to inspire us and have us look within ourselves as well . I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say thank you for that! And as for the commenter who asked about book signings that would be AWESOME haha. I’m sure you’ll keep us posted Mizz K
John A. Cargo
July 14, 2012
I finished reading your book and thought it was good and, indeed, an unfiltered and honest account of your life from addiction to recovery.
If there is one message that I had to take away from your book it is this: one’s downward spiral into addiction isn’t simple, cut-and-dried or black-and-white. It is a years-long, and complicated, tragic series of events.
Recovery and healing is equally as long, complicated and (hopefully) wonderful series of events.
My best wishes you to and Mr. Man, as well as your family and friends.
becomingjennie
July 15, 2012
Thank you John! The message that you are taking is exactly what I sold the book on… I took a bit of issue with a large number of memoirs in that the entire book seems devoted to “how it was” and maybe a chapter to “what happened, and what it’s like now.” I am glad that my purpose of devoting an equal amount of pages to getting better as to getting worse came through as the message, and that you (and other readers) are picking up on that message.
Thank you for reading, for sharing and participating in my sobriety, and helping me to remain honest and steadfast. xo
michael92105
July 15, 2012
Dearest Jennie: I’m maybe a little more than a quarter or the way through your book and I just have to say that reading it is scaring the shit out of me. If you ever let go of this gift you have I will be so saddened. So I won’t think about that.
All I can offer is what I have and that is just today. It works for me (so far) and I wish it for you. I never thought it possible to care so much for someone I’ve never met through the internet (which has thrown a monkey wrench into my belief system regarding “social networking”).
I don’t know what else to say except thank you and may God continue to bless you and all those you love.
becomingjennie
July 15, 2012
I totally get it~ and in writing the story, editing, and then rereading once it had met it’s final resting place between two hard covers, it has kind of scared the shit out of me too. I have been blessed, truly blessed, in the most incredibly, undeniable way. It’s part of the reason I recommitted to recovery this January. Funny how that happens, how “what it was like, what happened, and what it’s like now,” has a way of reminding you of just how far down you can go. Anyway… I’m glad the (internet/universe/God) brought us together.
Holli
July 15, 2012
I am just SOOOO fucking HAPPY for you!!!! You rock Jennie………
becomingjennie
July 15, 2012
!!!!!! YOU rock!!!
David McWilliams
July 15, 2012
I listened to you on Irish radio on Friday I thought you were great.
I’m a big porn fan and I remember your work but I also feel very guilty about watching it because I just always knew there is a huge cost for any woman who does porn, you just can’t give everything on camera like that without hurting. Your interview confirmed what I knew, but while I will continue to watch porn I’ll feel even guiltier now!
Regards
David
Invisible Mikey
July 15, 2012
Read, and reviewed. You have nothing to worry about except what story to tell next. You’ve completely earned the support you are getting here. You deserve it. Everyone who deals straight deserves it. Even dishonest and lost people deserve compassion and empathy, but people are quicker to respond in kind when you share your truth.
becomingjennie
July 16, 2012
Thanks Mikey. For everything.
foofoo5
July 16, 2012
I sent this link to an email address you gave out a couple months ago, which I don’t know if you even monitor:
http://www.mstankovich.com/2012/07/14/jennifer-of-egypt/
It was meant for you, not traffic. You don’t need me to shine!
matchmaker
July 16, 2012
Hi Jennie! A few years ago, I got to talk to you a few times at the ADT forum. I’d like to say congrats on your book release and everything you’ve been able to do since your porn days. Much respect to you!
becomingjennie
July 16, 2012
I remember the handle! Thank you Matchmaker, the congratulations are very much appreciated!
David McWilliams
July 16, 2012
Ouch…burn!
Andrew Neumann
July 16, 2012
Really liking the book for far. I’ll admit I skipped around to some of the “happier” parts when I first got it, but now reading it front to back for full effect. Powerful stuff. One doesn’t need to have suffered from addiction to find plenty of valuable lessons that everyone can benefit from. Congratulations.
becomingjennie
July 18, 2012
I don’t blame you, I tried to skip around to the happy parts in my life too for a while haha, but then recovery came, that powerful effect of which you speak, and I am honored that you can relate in the story, addiction or not!
lynnmarie fontaine
July 16, 2012
Hi Jennie! I bought and read your book over the weekend! I loved your writing and your story and I offer you all the support in my heart! You are a courageous and worthwhile soul and you should be so proud of all that you have accomplished! By the way, I heard your interview with Judith Leiber (my absolute fave!) on the radio and that is how I heard about your book. Your interview with Judith was awesome also! You are on your way girl…..keep up the great work!!!
love always, lynnmarie
becomingjennie
July 18, 2012
Thank you Lynnmarie! What a sweet and generous post! I am honored that you enjoyed the book and humbled by your compliments. Thank you for sharing here, in this space, and participating in my recovery. xox
michael92105
July 17, 2012
Dear Jennie: I am thoroughly enjoying your book…although, “enjoying” doesn’t seem like quite the right word…hmmm. I am gaining a lot of strength from your book – I think that may be more accurate.
If you do go on a book signing trip, I hope you come to New England. I will do my best to meet you, although I will probably be intimidated, in awe and tongue tied…
Some random thoughts rolling around this head of mine–
I hope that you are allowed privacy in the meetings you go to so that you can work on your recovery and not be a celebrity. I have witnessed young attractive women preyed upon by others. I know of all people, you are wise to this; but I hope it doesn’t ever keep you away. I have to remind myself from time to time, that we’re all still sick to some degree in these rooms.
I’m so glad you made it through the bonfire incident. I can’t believe they violated your feelings like that. Then again it points to how strong you are.
I love how you post little tweets celebrating the enjoyment of simple things, like Ranier Cherries.
Did you get that tattoo yet?
Anyway thank you for all you do. Stay in today and stay close. This disease is always waiting, always waiting. But not to fear, “for there is one who has all power…”
Much love and respect to you, Mr. Man and all your supports.
becomingjennie
July 18, 2012
!!!
Haven’t finished the tattoo yet. Actually, still struggling with a compulsive picking thing (doing all the things my sponsor suggests to be relieved of the obsession), but I figure I shouldn’t make any bodily changes until this compulsion and obsession is relieved. *sigh* it is that “one who has all power,” who I know will relieve me, but man, it really is one second at a time.
The bonfire incident, I truly believe, was overcome simply because the process had already started working in me. The “miracle” that they speak of had ignited a tiny flame, and that feeling (perhaps the mere fact that I had and experienced feelings) was enough to keep me going. And the people surrounding me at the time, Jill, Duncan, Kendra and then ultimately, John Irwin who spent quite a bit of time trying to comfort me, I felt so supported and had trusted them the whole time, it just made little sense to drop it all and say fuck it.
That being said, I couldn’t even think about the incident without crying for a long time. Only now do I understand what that all really meant to me.
Funny how the hindsight bias works right?
I totally relate about being “sick in the rooms,” and my first go ’round in the program was filled with people as sick as I: I refused to follow suggestions to stick with the women (and the winners), and as such, had a ton of sick people hitting on me. Like attracts like, right? Anyway, having recommitted, I attend only women’s meetings (unless I’m with my sponsor and/a few other women). It’s a very different program for me now. Perhaps because I am coming in with different eyes.
Thanks for the post friend.
amanda
July 17, 2012
I’m really glad you wrote this book. You can tell that you put in the hard work to turn your life around. My struggles were very similar (just manifested differently) and I, too, put in so much time and energy into turning my life around for the better. It’s so rare to see someone be honest enough with themselves to even allow for that. We’re conditioned to lie to ourselves more than anyone else and that prevents recovery. It was refreshing to see your honesty and your committment to improving your life. I really related to your book a lot. I wanted to send you an email but didn’t see any contact information for you … so again, thanks for writing this. I’m sure you will help many, many people.
becomingjennie
July 18, 2012
I am so glad you could relate to the book, the feelings, the the ideas and feel very blessed that you think it will help many people.
Amazing how the lies we tell ourselves to get ourselves out of feeling land us in much deeper trouble than we can imagine possible! It’s great that you have the willingness and energy to turn your life around, and I thank you for sharing briefly about it here. Thank you!
Shaney808
July 17, 2012
Just read the sample from amazon, and I got hooked! Seriously this is the first book I bought since high school, and thank you for sharing your story with us.
becomingjennie
July 18, 2012
Thank you! I am honored to be your first book back in the book world, and hope you continue this exciting journey with me!
Brooke
July 17, 2012
Jennie,
I bought your book just 2 days ago and cannot put it down. You are the most honest woman I have ever heard speak coming out of this industry. I feel like you have written so much of my life and feelings. One day, I hope to be as honest as you are with yourself and with us all. One day I will be able to write and say my given name without fear. All my best to you, my dear girl!!!!! Thank you for all your words mean….they are more than you could ever know!!!!
becomingjennie
July 18, 2012
It sounds like you are already on that honest and open path my friend! Sharing here about the desire to begin is a big first step. If you ever need anything re: support, hollers~ Jennie@iamjennie.com
Tim
July 18, 2012
Congrats on the book, a great read..3 things really stand out Honesty, Openmindedness, and Willingness..We have a daily reprieve from addictions one day at a time made a little easier with the Love and Support of so many people
becomingjennie
July 18, 2012
Thank you Tim, for the support and encouragement to remain steadfast in being honest, openminded and willing. These three qualities have enabled so much change to come into my life, you are 100% right in that, one day at a time, things get a little bit easier. xo
Greg Muller
July 18, 2012
Hi Jennie,
Hi Jennie,
It is me, the old guy, who has never known you as PF but did buy your book. I posted here before, this is my second time. Your book was not exactly what I expected; I thought it would begin with Dr. Drew and proceed from there. I just finished it last night and by the end, I realized your approach was exactly the way to tell your story. I realized that for anyone to fully understand the enormous significance of your decision to change, you had to start at the very beginning and include the specific and explicit details of your life as it was. You had a lot of guts to be so fully able to make self disclosures about your most private thoughts and experiences. I don’t think I would ever have found the courage to do that. By the middle of the book, it was clear that you had spent a large part of your life in adult entertainment living deeply within the belly of the beast. You really did not pull any punches and you truly and honestly presented the story of your sex, drug, alcohol addiction, and struggle to find intimacy. I did not think anyone who had spent 8 years in the industry would be capable of making the changes you pushed yourself through, but you did! Parts of your story were terribly difficult for me to read and many times I could not keep myself from crying. The image of you lying alone on your couch, sleeping for days, under your blanket, getting up only for food and cocaine — as the litter of cigarette packs, and food wrappers piled up around you is one I will never forget. Your ride in the van with Camilla is another thing I will never forget. Camilla’s admission that she regretted and realized she was trapped forever in an ugly world without any escape route — and her acceptance of a future of despair and pain shook me to the core. I think you have written the most honest and moving memoir I have ever read. I would like to be seated across a café table with you and have a direct conversation. I would like to have the honor of experiencing Jennie. That will never happen and perhaps it is best that way. Fortunately, you are still young and you really do have a good part of your youth ahead of you to enjoy. I know that from here forward you will have a much better life and the strength to accomplish anything you put your mind to. You know, I would like to leave an afterthought. I would like to see you lose your addiction to cigarettes too, if you have not already. In the book it seemed like there was never a single moment when you were without one. Each time you pulled one out of the pack, I imagined you with a knife jamming it directly into your own chest. I worked in cancer genetics and know all the particulars about the damage it does. I have had friends who have had their lives cut short by cancer and emphysema. I hope you can deal with the cigarette issue, if not now, perhaps when it is time. It is just a thought. Jennie, although I have never met you, I think you are the most remarkable women I ever encountered through literature, or anywhere else, for that matter. Take care of yourself. I wish you nothing but the best.
becomingjennie
July 20, 2012
Greg! Thank you so much for sharing in my life and my recovery, and for posting this wonderful comment. I am honored that you are in this space, and that you have come back to share your thoughts with me. And I am honored to now be a part of your story.
Good news is, I quit cigarettes a little under two years ago. I finally bought myself a nice perfume, as a recommitment to not smoking, and a reminder of a) how much money I save, b) how much better I smell! I also interviewed to intern at a respiratory hospital and am sure that (if I am accepted), the internship will prove a valuable reminder of why I need to take care of these pink lungs!
Thank you for being here Greg. It is nice to sit across this internet table and share a conversation with you.
Hoosier
July 18, 2012
Congratulations and continued good luck to you!
anonymous
July 18, 2012
thank you
shane
July 18, 2012
My local B&N happen to be re-arranging the store and placed the bio section next to military history. I walked out the store with your book and no military history. Glad I did
Jim Baldwin
July 19, 2012
Ok, so after doing a web search for Ketcham, Idaho, I stumbled upon a picture of you and I was like “I know this girl, I know this girl..” but it said Jennie Ketcham. A few clicks and I was on my way to putting everything together. I’m a fan of adult film, (for its educational purposes, right?) and you were no doubt always on my top five, but after chasing your story around wiki, youtube, etc., my admiration for you shot through the roof.
Your story reminds me of another adult film star from Bochum, Germany– Leonie Saint — who like you, doesn’t regret her past, didn’t jump on the godsquad wagon, or anything extreme reversal.
She lives a very happy life at 26, and is now a model and happily married.
I also think being in recovery will give you the tools to bust through to a life you have never known so beautiful, no matter what the past is. I did for me anyway.. (4 years)..
So it looks like I must get my butt ordering the book because I’m totally intrigued by your story…
I’ll keep in touch..
Fat-ass hugs..
Jimmy
becomingjennie
July 20, 2012
Thanks Jimmy haha and thank you for the fat-ass hugs hahaha
amy
July 20, 2012
Hi Jennie -
I knew I’d love your book, but I had no idea how much. I cannot tell you how impressed I am with all the hard work you’ve put in to change your life, and really your whole way of thinking.
I’ve often been skeptical of the ability of people to make substantial changes in themselves over the long term, but reading your story has really restored my faith.
Keep going. You are a gifted writer and a very open, honest person. I eagerly await your next book!
becomingjennie
July 20, 2012
Thank you Amy! From the depths of my heart, I appreciate your generous words! xox
Dr. Strangeluvable
July 22, 2012
Jennie,
I purchased your book on Kobo yesterday and read it in one sitting…. mostly lying down actually… flipping the pages of my tablet all through the night. It was well worth a sleepless night. Ten hours or so if you are curious. You are a courageous person and a talent artist. Courageous because you expressed your life story so candidly, authentically, and without moral censorship. This takes a lot of fortitude, bearing yourself in this fashion, revealing a “nakedness” of the soul, so to speak. A talented artist as well since you unfurled your story in vivid detail all the while keeping the reader glued to the narrative. Quel roman fleuve! As I was finishing the book, I was full of anticipation as I often am when finishing a good fiction novel. Will she reconcile and fall in love with one of her ex’s? What happened to Marc? Will she make it through her year of celibacy?
When I emerged out of my hibernation this morning, having read how you and your father reconciled, I was filled with tearful hope in the future as I am going through a rough patch; almost 3 years sober but currently in a numbing lull. I gave my two year-old daughter a huge hug and patted my eight year old son on the head. You may one day experience this kind of unconditional love yourself with your own progeny. You will then understand that a parent is never flawless but the depth of their feelings towards their children can sometimes be abysmal. This may be what your father held on to … I am not sure that I would be able to face 13 years of emotional silence from mine.
I first learned of your story watching Sober House… also later discovered the Penny of the past on the net but had not followed your blog or heard of you in these last couple of years. I was uplifted by your story, a bildungsroman for the social media and porn age. I would like to convey my strongest hope for your continued sobriety, emotional growth with Mr. Man, personal fulfilment and continued success, not under the spotlights of the camera but rather in all creative and narrative forms.
Melissa
July 29, 2012
I have just stumbled upon your book and blog. I finished the book in 2 days and have already recommended it to many friends. I’ve read many memoirs in the past, but many of them seemed very fabricated. I was skeptical at first because I am not a fan of the Dr. Drew rehab shows because I was under the impression it was for more financial gain at the expense of the person with a substance use/sexual disorder. I was glad to read your insight because it disproved my theory (for the most part…). Thank you for being so brutally honest. Your journey in recovery is no where near complete, but I wish you so much success. I have subscribed to your blog and I look forward to reading more.
Wanderfar
August 10, 2012
Jenny, I just finished the book. Read it right though. We are all looking for some honesty in a world gone mad. You delivered it in spades. There is something of the heart that you are able to express in your writing. It is inspiring. I was glad to get a Kindle version so I didn’t have to wait.
You know we are going to want MORE. I am thinking, maybe a fiction book because I think you have the ability to climb into a characters head and heart and have them express truth. Maybe a hero’s journey type story. The impossible dream, the struggle, the rejection, the overcoming, and finally at long last the victory. Yea, I know its just like the your story but just saying… MORE PLEASE.
Liz
August 20, 2012
Dear Jennie,
Just wanted to tell you how frickn intense your book was.
I received it from amazon sat and finished it Sunday night. I literally slept and read
All weekend. I’m just totally blown away by your honesty. Your stories. It’s funny
The memories it surfaced, my own shit decisions in life.
The people who have hurt me. Who I have given to much power
In my life. Before I read your book, I was just thinking
That soon I should try to figure me out. Really figure me out.
Your book, your experiences is really giving me the courage to do it.
To start talking about me, my shame, my pain.
Thank you and you are really an incredible writer.
Keep going.
becomingjennie
August 20, 2012
Amazing Liz! Thank you so much for sharing your life with me, and for starting your own incredible journey! I believe, from the depths of my heart, that life will only get better once we decide it must get better. It may hurt to work through things, but the pain, it’s so real! So honest! My favorite quote ever is from Anais Nin…
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
Blossoming you are, dear. Thank you for sharing the first petal with me. xo