I was going to write a post about how I got out of the industry in the nick of time, but really, this recent syphilis outbreak is no different than any of the other things. Plenty of people work knowing (or at least suspecting) they will have dirty tests come the next round. There were times when the AIDs scare was happening, the first scare that is, when I convinced myself that I would be fine because I only worked with women, even though I knew they worked with men. And the second scare, I was out of the business, but there was still the, “it couldn’t have happened to me,” thinking. The truth is that if you are going to get into the adult business, you are giving up your hopes and dreams of maintaining an STD-free bill of health.
To be quite honest, and I mean frighteningly honest, there were times when I had gonorrhea and was grateful because it meant I got two weeks off work and I had an excuse to do nothing and fuck nothing. What kind of irrational thinking is that? The first time I got something, I thought, “Are you serious?” By the fourth or fifth time, I thought, “Finally, I could use some me time.”
Destroyer of healthy thoughts and bodies. What a magnificent shame for the people he infected. How devastating selfish and untruthful.
And so I wanted to write this story about how grateful I am that I got out in the nick of time, you know, before the industry went to high-hell in a tiny purse and plastic stripper heels, but the truth is it’s always been this way. It’s just one of the first times it’s made the headlines, and certainly one of the first times the performer had such an abundance of pride that he actually tried to play the victim. Scarlet letter. Such selfish bullshit.
I’m kind of really angry about this. I think that is the feeling I’m experiencing. Pretty sure. Yes. I’m fucking angry!
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
You know, I never really thought of that sentence as one, cohesive thought. I was meditating two mornings ago, and in my meditation, I like to repeat the serenity prayer to help my mind remain focused (as I have a tendency to wander off to Bridezillas, Cupcakes or Frozen Yogurt, the ticking fan or the guy-next-to-me’s stinky feet). Tuesday morning I realized that acceptance is serenity. Acceptance is the answer to all my problems. Unless, of course, I can change them. In which case, I get to be superwoman and fix things. Which is super sweet and super rare.
I’m debating on attempting another 30 day yoga challenge. However, I am also attending 4-5 meetings per week, taking 16 units (starting tomorrow!), doing at least four hours of volunteer work per week, ten hours of work work, being in a relationship with a wonderful birthday cake eater, walking the dog and snuggling the cat, sleeping/pooping/eating (trifecta of amazingness) and driving tos and froms. So, is the 30 day challenge an apt name and beginning to the school year? Or do I just happily collect my happy face stickers and go as much as I can but not actually commit to the whole 30 days? I suppose it doesn’t matter so much.
And there is that acceptance thing. And the ego. Man, I like getting stickers after a super hard yoga class.
I bought some stickers today to attach to my Book plate envelopes which will go out tomorrow morning. Butterflies and Lady bugs. Such a lovely thought. I’m trying to focus on those thoughts instead of the pointless anger at the way I once lived. Instead of pointless anger at people whom I can no longer be around. Instead of pointless (and self-harming) anger toward myself for having been duped by people just like him.
If intellectualizing my feelings and rationalizing my imagined justifications worked, I might not know that anger and gratitude can occupy the same space, and gratitude always pushes the anger from the room.
So there it is. In the nick of time I remember that gratitude is the more fulfilling emotion, and that with a heart full of gratitude, I don’t have to spend my weekend being upset or go to bed angry.
Ro
August 24, 2012
The beautiful lesson of acceptance. I also like to remind myself of the lesson of impermanence…easier to accept (!) when things are hard; tougher when they are good.
followtheleaderagain
August 24, 2012
You always did enjoy the videos I posted. Hopefully you will find this likewise enjoyable, and maybe understand why that man played the victim. Heh… stories, the justification of the way we live or have lived our lives…
becomingjennie
August 24, 2012
yet another fantastic video. Not sure how you come across these, but I’m am envious of your video collection/awareness. Thank you for sharing.
Lord Kinbote
August 24, 2012
Thanks.
theduffboy
August 24, 2012
Thank you for putting gratitude in the forefront, Jennie. I`ve been trying to do the same thing: http://theduffboy.wordpress.com/tag/gratitude/ As far as the STD headlines, I might have missed them, but I hear what you`re saying: my own lifestyle choices a few years ago gave me a false HIV diagnosis; a scare that could`ve being enough at the moment, but it wasn`t (one tends to forget the rest of STD`s out there, as if AIDS is the only one we should be scared of). I wish butterflies and ladybugs for you today
Invisible Mikey
August 24, 2012
It was the nick of time. You changed direction as a matter of choice, while there was still a reservoir of the undamaged, non-jaded, hopeful, positive energy part of you still there to choose with. I reckon you’ve known more than a couple of people who waited…too…long.
Castimonia
August 24, 2012
“… the courage to change the things I can” is an important aspect to me as is “the wisdom to know the difference” because I can get compulsive about trying to report other’s wrongs because my own life is unmanageable.
Earl
August 24, 2012
I read a quote today that I’d never seen before. It seems appropriate for all of us. It’s from the Indian poet, Rabindranath Tagore-
“Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers but to be fearless in facing them. Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain but for the heart to conquer it.”
Holli
August 24, 2012
A little bit of graditude can go a long way in life….. it’s an amazing emotion.
firstverb
August 24, 2012
Miss Jennifer,
I am sorry dear lady, I don’t currently agree with you. Not about this blog post, but about your reasoning behind being a part of a site that calls you by your pseudonym and promotes you as being a current contributing member of that life style. Each of your tweets has a link attached that takes a person to meet someone that you aren’t anymore. These “viewers” aren’t going to this page to read about you and the amazing lady that you are today. I agree that we should remember our past. We ourselves should remember our past, that doesn’t mean giving the world links to our past so that they can visit it. I very much agree with you that, “porn stars are people too”. Each one a human with a beating heart and a difficult future ahead of them. Many dealing with what your blog post is about today. I hope each one of those precious souls will find their way out one day. I regret that I went to that page to see where it would take me. I am sorry. I hope you have a great weekend and are able to squeeze in some rest in between everything else. smiles
I do not regret/wish to shut the door on my past. Perhaps my tweets will remind viewers what’s behind an image #pornstarsarepeopletoo
becomingjennie
August 24, 2012
I am not anti-pornography. I am anti-unhealthy behavior and because I cannot say for each individual performer that their psychological state of mind is healthy or unhealthy, I cannot be against the industry as a whole. In fact, I think it’s important to remind people within the industry that I am still alive and that we do not have to go gently into that dark night that is life after pornography.
If you hope each one of those precious souls will find their way out, then you must on some level, accept that they need some sort of social support to help them do that. That was my hope in being verified.
HOWEVER, I hadn’t actually looked at the site or what it promoted, and now, having done so, I must thank you. I just tweeted them and asked them to take me off the site. It is not something I wish to promote anymore.
Thanks brother. I just didn’t click through.
Peter
August 24, 2012
Your circumspect view of your prior life gives us all another vivid awareness of the enormous physical risks, the wear and tear that you would endure.
For some reason I see a comparison to rodeo performers – both riders and rodeo clowns who experience dislocated joints, crushed bones and torn ligaments for their audience and their own mysterious need. That audience which seems to delight in how close the performer can get to the uncontrollable violence in nature and still walk away.
As with rodeo audiences, the porn audience applauds precisely because they see that, for those mysterious reasons, and for them, you’d leap back onto that saddle, or into the makeup, wig and costume and embrace those moments of adrenaline-fueled familiarity.
There are a growing number of people who recognize that you’ve stood up, looked around at the arena covered with soil, dust, hay, shit, saliva, blood, shredded leather and flannel and thought to yourself, “what on earth am I doing? This will indeed end with me in a wooden box?” and walk away. Those of us who have seen you do that are standing and applauding, whistling and hollering for you, for making THAT terrifying choice of denying the familiar for something better.
May you continue to experience the enormous respect that we all have for you.
Charlie Fuhro
August 24, 2012
Hi Jennie,
You’re right, this recent syphilis scare is nothing new. The adult industry has gone through this kind of thing again, and again, and again, and not just with S.T.D.s that can be cured with an antibiotic. I remember all the craziness that went on when John Holmes died of AIDS. And now, there are supposed to be hundreds of gay porn actors who are infected, along with lots of folks who do straight work (paparotsy.tripod.com/id4.html). Most of the names on this listing mean nothing to me, but since you were in the industry, you might know some of them, or at least know of them. It’s amazing how are addictions try to kill us, isn’t it?
I was very fortunate. I believe I was sexually addicted when I was seven (7) years old, and I didn’t get into recovery until I was thirty-seven (37), and I never contracted any sort of S.T.D., although God only knows how that happened. By rights, I should have gotten infected dozens of times along the way. I certainly put myself in enough risky situations. I guess this is one situation where nothing but the grace of God (or gravity as I’ve seen you call your Higher Power) can explain things.
You know, I understand your anger about this whole situation, I really do. But you know, anger is often a secondary emotion, there’s often something underneath it that’s causing it. And very often, that something is hurt. And in the case of someone who’s been in the adult industry, there’s sometimes toxic shame as well. I don’t know if this is true for you, but I though I’d throw that out there for you to consider. While identifying the anger is a positive step in the right direction, identifying the feelings that are causing the anger can lead to real healing of the trauma that caused the whole thing in the first place. (And yes, trauma is what causes the hurt and shame).
As far as the yoga challenge goes, I’d caution you about overdoing it. We are addicts. That means that we have obsessive-compulsive personalities. We were obsessive-compulsive about our addictions, and we can get obsessive-compulsive about our recovery if we don’t watch ourselves. That’s just a part of who and what we are. If you’re going to be carrying 16 credit hours at school, that’s the equivalent of a full-time job. And I know what I’m talking about because I’m on the other side of things in this case. Although I’m retired, they somehow managed to talk me into teaching two classes (6 credit hours) every semester for the last couple of years. So I know how much work goes into even ONE (1) class, not to mention five (5) or six (6). So when you figure your time, there isn’t enough of it in the day to get everything done that you’re talking about. My thought would be to make your recovery your priority, followed by your school work. Then would come your work work, and then your volunteer work. That will leave you just enough time for the dog, cat, and the relationship. But that’s just my take on things, for whatever it’s worth.
Your talking about your stickers reminded me of an old episode of “Full House”. Stephanie Tanner (played by the Olsen twins) asked her aunt Becky, “What do they call boy ladybugs?” Aunt Becky thought for a second and then answered, “Confused!” We actually have a store close to where I live where you can buy live ladybugs for your garden. They are supposed to eat various other bugs that cause problems. The store is called, appropriately, “The Bug Store”. I swear to God, that’s the truth!
Your talk about intellectualizing and rationalizing your feelings made me think of one of my favorite quotes about love. And real love is the answer to our addictions. It’s what we were looking for as kids, but we settled for sex instead, which is a very poor substitute without the real love to go along with it. The quote I’m thinking of reads as follows: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
I Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV
May you find this kind of love for your life, Jennie!! Good luck!!
becomingjennie
August 24, 2012
Love that Corinthians verse, I read it last weekend at my grandma’s funeral service.
Amazing that a week before, in the same parish, the same verse was read for a ceremony renewing vows. Love really is a wonderful thing and you are totally correct in assessing that we settled for sex – perhaps even confusing it as the same thing.
You are also correct in the assessment that anger is the secondary emotion. There is shame, always the fundamental, core emotion to which I turn and an emotion I have been attempting to shelve since entering the therapy and the program. Shame, I find, is just as unhealthy an emotion as pride/ego. Neither of these poles operates within me reasonably.
There is shame that it could have been me. That at one point in my life, perhaps under the right (or wrong) circumstances, I may have done the same thing. There is shame that I can identify with needing to work immediately, not being financially able to take off two weeks because the money burned through my pockets as quickly as I put it there. Perhaps the originating trauma was the first time I had an STD? Or even further back, the first time I had sex and realized love had no place in the same room.
Thank you for your comment. I will take it easy, and I hope you will as well.
Charlie Fuhro
August 24, 2012
Toxic shame is such an integral part of being a sex addict. It is the one emotion that drives the entire sexual addiction cycle, yet it is often very difficult for us as addicts to recognize, name, and own. Our lives have been shame based since our earliest memories, and shame is so ingrained in us that it is almost a part of our identity. Part of recovery involves replacing that shame with self-acceptance, self-respect, and self-love, and that can sometimes be very difficult to do since it goes against our lifetime of programming.
I don’t know if you’ve done any work on shame, or if any of the others who are reading your words have worked on this issue yet, but it is one of the central, basic principles of sexual addiction. If you haven’t looked at yet and would be interested in learning a bit more about this important feeling, I can suggest a couple of books which might prove helpful to you. The first is titled, “Facing Shame: Families in Recovery”, by Merle A. Fossum and Marilyn J. Mason. The second book is titled, “Healing the Shame That Binds You”, by John Bradshaw. Both books can be ordered from: http://www.amazon.com.
becomingjennie
August 26, 2012
Thanks Charlie… these are great book suggestions and I will definitely be getting both. xo
firstverb
August 24, 2012
Miss Jennifer I am so sorry to read that your Grandmother passed. Please accept my condolences and sympathy for your loss. You will always have your memories of her, and one day maybe you can share some of those with your little girl or boy. You will be able to tell them about the amazing great-grandmother they missed out on. But right now you and your family are in my prayers during this difficult time.
becomingjennie
August 26, 2012
Thank you Firstverb.
salmacis99
August 25, 2012
Great post! I really enjoyed reading this- and congrats to you on your success!
salmacis99
August 25, 2012
Oops! That reply was actually meant for Charlie, but I guess it goes for you too Jennie
I do like your response very much though. Oh, and very sorry to hear about your Grandma passing. It’s always hard to lose someone, but the only thing we can do is keep them in our hearts and try to learn from our experiences with them. Hope you’re doing ok with all that.
chris Raychel
August 24, 2012
I would love to read your book. Will it ever be placed in the public libraries. Plus you have never answered my emails; and who is Mr Man?Was he part of the industry that you were in. Most Important: I can help you in more ways than you think. Please E-mail me. You’ll have nothing to lose;just gain. Chris
becomingjennie
August 24, 2012
Mr. Man is the same man I was dating at the end of the book, and was definitely not part of the industry.
foofoo5
August 24, 2012
It’s an ironic point you raise. You tell me why I didn’t contract HIV from needles back in the day, but I didn’t. But a couple years ago, they call a “code green” and I’m the only one to respond to a floridly psychotic man kicking the shit out of a young female intern. Blah, blah, blah, he fractured my skull, broke ribs, and bit me more times than I could count before I got him on the floor and held him – and of course then everybody arrives – and he’s spitting, spitting, spitting on me. Before they were finished with me in Trauma and were taking me to a bed for overnight, my doc told me he wanted to start me on a 30-day course of prophylactic AZT. WTF! My friends that crowded the bay were all, “You’ve got to do it!” So I did it, and for 30-days I was sick as a dog. And every 60-days I had to go to the lab and be tested for HIV & Hepatitis C (HCV), and I was anxious for the results for a full year (they got a court order to test the guy once, and he was HIV(-) & HCV(+)).
Ordinarily, I would describe myself as especially compassionate – perhaps to a fault – so my anger emerges unpredictably; perhaps at the tone of voice, a touch of “attitude,” I’m not certain. But when a patient starts the talk about practicing unsafe sex (e.g. the bathhouses in San Diego) with that “living with AIDS is like living with diabetes” bullshit, I will generally begin a monologue with the words, “Let me tell you what I’m thinking here…” Somebody has to tell the truth, Jennifer, and why not the most honest person in the room? The price? One more step out of the circle.
And there is a fundamental difference between anger and rage. Anger can function as a defense, a millisecond after the real feeling that made me feel vulnerable, and a “tip-off” to look for something else. Rage always whispers in my ear “I’ll bite your nose off!” (i.e. disfigure you). Such is the dirty trick of ambivalence – holding two equal but opposing feelings for the same object. Ride that gratitude to the beach.
Stewart Forgie
August 24, 2012
You may feel anger and gratitude at the same time over this Jennie, but I am will ing to bet you will also end up feeling compassion for some of those affected who are still in the trap that they percieve as their “career”.
PS Is the guy who sits beside you a regular who always sits there? If so and his feet suddenly stop being stinky, you will know that he is a secret reader of your blog
Alex
August 24, 2012
True acceptance is the gateway to serenity. But notice that an element of non-acceptance might be hidden behind the desire to change oneself. Notice that whenever you experience aversion (such as anger) in the presence of certain thoughts, memories or self-images arising in the mind – this is non-acceptance. Wholesome change will unfold in a natural way once you can accept yourself unconditionally AS YOU ARE, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW. When you can approach these visitors of your mind with total acceptance they will lose their power over you and you will be able to disengage from them effortless and without the painful emotional side-effects (or at least significantly weakened).
This is by no means easy to achieve, but far from impossible. I have experienced the Buddhist practice of vipassana (insight) meditation as a powerful technique for cultivating unconditional acceptance within oneself.
becomingjennie
August 24, 2012
Interesting! So my anger may be fueled by the fact that I have still not accepted to have taken part in an industry that can fudge std test results… or I am still shaming myself for having had stds…
Thank you for this comment, it is providing an excellent insight into something I’d glazed over.
Alex
August 25, 2012
Hello Jennie,
Yes, indeed and you can perhaps add other events from your life that upon recalling trigger negative emotions or mental states (as well as positive ones I assume). You cannot undo the past, but realize that at this particular moment your past exists only as an idea, as a remembrance, as a thought. When you can actually perceive with strong awareness and acceptance a thought as a mere thought as it happens, you will not be drawn into it. And when you will not be drawn into it, the emotions or feelings (the guilt, sadness, shame, self-judging or whatever) usually associated with the thought will also lose their power and cease to run you.
It is a good start to realize this intellectually, but what actually matters is to experience this within yourself. This requires some practice and this is where the meditation method I mentioned earlier can be of help (don’t worry, you do not need to become a Buddhist to practice it; it’s not a religion, just a technique). At least it helped me a lot in overcoming a severe depression which I suffered from a couple of years ago. There probably are other methods to realize peace, inner calm, clarity, self-acceptance and love I do not know of. This one, however, worked on me and I thought I just share this information.
One final word on unconditional acceptance with a quote on love from the Buddha
“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”
I sincerely wish you realize loving yourself wholeheartedly.
becomingjennie
August 26, 2012
Thank you for this quote. It will be with me throughout the remainder of the day, and hopefully, the week. xo
Bernie
August 25, 2012
If you are interested in vipassana meditation, I would recommend reading this book: http://tim-parks.com/non-fiction/teach-us-to-sit-still
You could also research ‘mindfulness based stress reduction” or ‘Jon Kabat-Zinn’.
becomingjennie
August 26, 2012
Wonderful! Thank you for this suggestion!
michael92105
August 25, 2012
Dearest Jennie: Some very long replies to your latest post. Must’ve stirred up a lot.
My take on Mr. Syphilis is that he’s not all that unusual. The first to go is our spirituality. Inherent in that is any concern for others. Pretty scarey that one can be so incredibly selfish as to not care about the consequences of his selfishness and how it’s going to effect another human being. Another human being…
But look at our culture. Our congress is full of people who don’t give a shit about how their actions are going to effect others.
I’m glad you are alive and well. Truly a survivor and hopefully a power of example for those still suffering in the industry. I love that word, “industry”, a good way to dehumanize the “product”.
Much respect. Thank you.
becomingjennie
August 26, 2012
Incredible insight into the industry/product dehumanization of pornography. Thank you Michael.
michael92105
August 25, 2012
RAMONE, DEE DEE / REY, DANIEL
I used to be on an endless run.
Believe in miracles cause I’m one.
I have been blessed with the power to survive.
After all these years I’m still alive.
I’m out here cookin’ with the band.
I’m no longer a solitary man.
Every day my time runs out.
Lived like a fool, that’s what I was about, oh.
I believe in miracles.
I believe in a better world for me and you.
Oh, I believe in miracles.
I believe in a better world for me and you.
Tattoo your name on my arm.
I always said my girls my good luck charm.
If she could find a reason to forgive,
Then I could find a reason to live.
I used to be on an endless run.
Believe in miracles cause I’m one.
A have been blessed with the power to survive.
After all these years I’m still alive.
I believe in miracles.
I believe in a better world for me and you.
Oh, I believe in miracles.
I believe in a better world for me and you.
I close my eyes and think how it might be.
The futures here today.
Its not too late.
Its not too late, yeah!
I believe in miracles.
I believe in a better world for me and you.
Oh, I believe in miracles.
I believe in a better world for me and you.
Shannon
August 25, 2012
Page 417 – Whenever I’m in a tizzy my sponsor refers me to page 417 of the BB – It is actually one of my favorite personal stories from the book. It is written by Dr. Paul O – He wrote two books which are hilarious and spot on. You can’t make me angry and There’s more to quitting drinking than quitting drinking. I think you would enjoy them.
It’s okay to get angry. We’re human. Remember we seek progress not perfection. Be gentle with yourself dear Jennie.
I’m very sorry to hear about your Grandma.
Shannon from the East Bay
becomingjennie
August 26, 2012
I will check them out! Love BB stories! Thanks Shannon, for the page suggestion and kindness in regard to my Grandma. She was a special kind of lady.
Hoosier
August 25, 2012
Good for you!
Alex (Australia)
August 25, 2012
Dear Jennie, I just read your interview on the Daily Beast website:
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/07/27/jennie-ketcham-interview-recovering-from-sex-addiction.html?obref=obinsite
I haven’t read everything you’ve written, (which would add context), but this was jarring to read:
“I used to say, “Oh, yeah, I’m fine. Sure. Fine.” Then I would pack my things in the middle of the night after feeding my ex-men coma-inducing pot brownies, sneak down the stairs and change my phone number on the drive to a new home.”
Now I know you did this as your way of coping with things, but I’m hoping that you later contacted these people somehow and said that you were sorry, or just acknowledged them.
Or, that one day you will reach out to them and do so. Besides accounting for their feelings, you too will feel better for having a proper closure with those people with whom you used to share a life together.
Alex
becomingjennie
August 26, 2012
I have made amends to every man I’ve wronged except one. And I kind of think he doesn’t want to be found. However, if the universe put us together, I would make amends to him in a heartbeat. I know the wrongs I have committed. I know the hurt I have caused people. And I am doing my best to make a living amends to those I’ve harmed by not continuing the harmful behavior.
Umbria21
August 26, 2012
Hi Jennie– It is the old guy again. Haven’t visited in a while. Just wanted to see how you are doing. I can relate to the anger problem. In my 30′s I had a serious health issue, through no fault of my own, which forever changed my life. It deprived me of things that most people expect they will experience in their lives. Yes, my life would be different. Like you, I was angry that I had to deal with all the consequences of my illness. I felt cheated. After a while, and with the help of a psychotherapist, I realized that staying angry only deprived me of the joy I had left in my life. I did not want that to happen. I eventually became less angry and more positive. Now I am content and happy. You are on the way to getting there too. I respect you Jennie, you have/are confronting your demons with courage. You are a source of amazement to me and you inspire me to manage my own demons with the courage and honesty that you have demonstrated. Take care.
Shaney808
August 26, 2012
Jennie I’ve read your book and I’ve been reading your blog, and all I gotta say is thank you. Your brutal honesty on the industry and the lifestyle has given me and my girlfriend a bit of a wake up call, and reminded me that it’s not all just easy quick money. Once again thank you for sharing.
seinzumtode
August 26, 2012
I see that you are quite busy with your life but I was wondering, have you ever tried writing fiction? You have an enjoyable way of writing and I think you might be an interesting writer of fiction. Do you read much fiction? If so, who do you like to read the most? Might I recommend Haruki Murakami and Jorge Luis Borges if you haven’t read them. Keep up the good work!
Gabriel
becomingjennie
August 28, 2012
I am currently working on a short story about a small town girl who gives up her dream of big town diamonds for something less sparkly. Her name is Petunia
michael92105
August 27, 2012
Dear Jennie: Thanks for posting the video to the Pearl Jam link! The new blog look is pretty cool. I just noticed some updates on the right side of the blog. I really like how you did that with the different font sizes.
Don’t forget to rest.
Makes me wonder if you ever stop
Thank you. Hope you like the song.
Ummm....
August 27, 2012
I have so many questions for you (how long you have written extensively, what is it like to think about dating for you now, etc)
However, I will just ask one now:
What do you make of the men/women who were fans of your career in the past (I’ll admit me), and are also fans of the way you express yourself now?
becomingjennie
August 28, 2012
I am glad and honored that they can grow alongside me.
Sarah
August 29, 2012
Yay my book plate came
Thank you Jennie, I got the butterfly, lovely surprise, I have long since read your book (couldn’t put it down) and so happy to have the plate as a personal touch, thank you, Sarah 
becomingjennie
August 29, 2012
xoxox and thank you Sarah! Love!
David
August 29, 2012
greetings jennie
Your book will be available for your fan latino
David
August 29, 2012
Jennie my great inspiration, you’re the reason I cresco every day, forget to tell you that is because of you that I try to beat me day by day, step by step as you say rightly.
David
August 29, 2012
Jennie my inspiration, you are the reason we grow every day, forget to tell you that it’s your fault that I try to beat me every day, step by step, as you rightly said.
Sorry my writing.
Hopefully I can understand
Khaled Ghorab
August 30, 2012
Jenny, a quote by the Sufi poet, Hafiz sprung to mind after reading this post.
“Even After All this time The Sun never says to the Earth,
“You owe me.”
Look what happens With a love like that, It lights the whole sky.”
So what are you lighting today with your compassion and acceptance?
With passion,
Khaled
becomingjennie
August 31, 2012
Love this. Thank you.
David
August 31, 2012
jennie I dedicate this thought.
bellla celebrate the person that you are, flowers can not miss …
will come to greet the roses, jasmine and carnations will be a great poem,
with everything that you like in life there will be a cascade of chocolate
to sweeten your life and in the middle of the poem
a town square … that you love … dressed with moon party
Riettier Michele Trabue
September 5, 2012
The fact that you buy stickers to adorn your postage is wonderfully sweet AND cool. Good luck on your continued journey back into the Light. Peace & Blessings.
Jessica
September 8, 2012
Hi, Jennie. You reminded me of something with your story. I remember having university exams and I was really stressed. It was so stressful that people in my class would go down with serious medical problems as a result.
Once, before an exam, I fell asleep and had a dream that I am being rushed to the hospital with a case of acute appendicitis and I am going to need an operation. In my dream my reaction was sweet – “Yes, that means I don’t have to write my exam now!”.
I woke up and realized that I am getting seriously screwed up. See, and they say that education is good for you!
Jessica