Run Run Run

Posted on May 7, 2009


What a busy day ahead! Already so much to do I feel like I won’t be taking any time to think about what I am doing. But I suppose these days are necessary to make the other days where I’ve nothing to do feel special. Here is my day, thus far, and planned. 

7am. Rise and shine. Saucy and Big Dog, (my buddy Duncans pitbull) and I all had  a lady sleepover last night. The dogs cuddled close to me all night, and I’d left all the windows of my new apartment open so I could get a cool midnight Hollywood breeze flowing through, and at one point, a gust of air so powerful blew through my home and knocked down some paintings that had been leaning up against the wall. The clatter was startling, and the dogs went nuts. Which makes me feel good because I’d like to see anyone get in my home at night and try to fuck with me or my two pits…..actually, no lets not invite anyone to try that. Lets just trust that the dogs will eat invaders. 

8am. French pressed french roast with Duncan over a cigarette and his previous nights attempt at intimacy. Not so much of an attempt as an experiment. I must admit I am a tad bit jealous. Not that he got to experiment in being intimate, because I am so far away from even knowing the difference between an experiment and an actual voyage into sexual encounters, but because he has someone in his life he is comfortable enough to experiment with. They laid in bed till 2, but Duncans bed hasn’t actually arrived yet, so they lay on the floor speaking of fears, hopes and dreams. Also his friend said he hoped he didn’t cross any boundaries. I am still trying to figure out what my boundaries are. 

8:30am. Walk through the Hollywood hills with Duncan, Saucy, Big Dog and Lil Dog, his jack russel/chichiwawa mix, while expensive cars pulled out of their expensive homes and carried their expense loving people to their well paying jobs. All these are just assumptions. Some of the peoples homes could be in the beginning stages of foreclosure, some people may be renting, the cars could be leased, and they could be heading off to an AA or SAA meeting. In any case, I preferred to fantasize, dreaming that one day I would be pulling out of my million dollar+ home in my hundred thousand dollar+ car, heading to a job that I love and can dedicate myself to. I caught myself in that fantasy, and remembered that I like my life, the new life that I am in the process of creating every day, and that to fantasize about another, be it his life, money or situation, is inner circle behavior and I mustn’t participate in it. 

9:00am. wash face brush hair, grab some things from my car that I had forgotten about last night and drag it all inside. I am in the process of getting rid of all my adult oriented playthings, from outfits I wore on stage to toys I’ve used in films, and these are all things that I will be selling through  in hopes of creating a small revenue stream to live until I find a new and monetarily satisfying job. Upon return to the humble new beginning, I find Saucy has taken a large crap right in the entryway of the apartment. At first I’m angry, but then I realize that she has officially christened my new home, I laugh, clean the shit up, thank gravity for 409 and paper towels, and finish putting things in their new places. 

10:30am. Sit here and write this blog. Read over 20 comments of beautifully supportive people who I’ve never met, and who will never truly understand just how much their words mean to me. 

11:00am. Drive to Agora to drop off a buttload of content at my web people. Vivid is helping me put together my website, as I will continue directing for them through this transition period of my life. Both the guy that runs my site, my man Airek, and the owner of Vivid are clean and sober, and these are qualities I’ve started to need from the people in my life. Not to say I’m blocking out people who have a drink now and then, but none of my old friends would only have a drink now and then. They were my drinking buddies for a reason….

11:40am. Pick up Angel Pie. She takes off for Egypt today, and I just don’t understand how someone can take a plane from 100 degree weather with the intention of going to AFRICA, which I’d imagine is going to be way fucking hotter. Actually, I’m incredibly jealous that she is taking this trip because she invited me awhile back, and I didn’t take her up on it. I mean, it wouldn’t be the best for my current situation, but I would love to drop everything and run off to Egypt. 

12:00pm. Drop Saucy off at Brett Brandos. Saucy is going to make a special guest appearance in one of his films, and is to be on her best behavior. I will laugh my ass off if she farts on camera. How embarrassing. Then drop kitty off at the new apartment. She will not be pleased about the change, she is a lot like me. Whiney and has difficulties letting go of old things and places. 

1:00pm. Therapy with Jilly Beans. One on one. Not quite sure what we are going to talk about today, but I guess that is the point of therapy. 

2:30pm. Drop off Angel Pie at LAX. Bye Bye Angel Pie. If you bring me papyrus and some gold from King Tuts casa that would be dope. Egypt. Africa. Angel Pie is nuts. 

4-6:30pm. Hang out with Duncan and possibly Kendra Jade Rossi, who is a dear friend of mine and is also participating in the one on one with Jilly Beans and the group session. Perhaps we can hit Le Pain de Quoiteden. I think that’s how you spell it. They let dogs eat alongside you, so Duncan always brings Big Dog and Lil Dog, who behave like perfect angels. If Saucerton came, she would try to play the whole time, and probably fart next to someone while they are eating. Highly inappropriate. 

7:00pm. Group with Jilly Beans. Should be interesting. 

8:30pm. Pick up Saucy Saucerton Dogsworth. The little blue love of my life. 

9:00pm. Back to the house for an evening of chats with Duncan and Riley is to come by and visit. 


I need to get a meeting in somewhere today, trying to do the whole 90 in 90, but days like this, I find it difficult to even take a piss without feeling like I am wasting time. But as Jilly beans keeps telling me….recovery comes first. 

Fucking intense. Oh. And here is my gratitude list for the day, the condensed version. 

I am grateful for…..walks in the Hollywood HIlls, French Pressed coffee, 409 and paper towels, air scented with jasmine, new beginnings, friends here and far, 2 months of paid therapy, advice from trusted advisors, glass bead pasted that adds texture to my paintings and sun shiney days. Like today. 

Hope yours is well…..take a breath for me. 

Gravity Bless yo.

Posted in: Good Days