Today was a biiiiiiiig day. Big, long, tiring, wonderful, fantastic, fulfilling and worthwhile. From the moment I woke up, to this present moment, right now, I feel as though every muscle in my body has been put to a test today, from my brain to my butt cheeks, today took everything out of me, and still I managed to do some more. There is always a way to do more. I’ll consider this entry my “more” and then call it a night.
Up early, 7:45 to hit farmers market for my beloved coffee grinds and coconut cakes. Today’s flowers are amazing, more condor lily’s with blooms so big they could cover my face. They smell wonderful, and make the living room sweet and bright. If my hair looks a little grimy that’s because it is. Long day folks, long day.
After the market, Kendra and Lukas picked up Duncan and me and we all went over to the gay pride parade to march for the No H8 campaign, a grassroots movement that I and many people in this area fully support. It is amazing being able to walk the streets of west hollywood in crowds cheering for your cause, cheering for the cause, for a cause. I sported my No H8 tattoo all day, forgetting it’s still there after the parade and wondering why people look at me.
After marching all the way from Robertson to Crescent heights, and then all the way back down from Crescent Heights (on Santa Monica) to Robertson, the rewind track playing because we parked at the end of the march, we got lunch, kicked it and chatted for a bit with some friends, although by that point we were all pretty much done and pooped. And not like saucy pooped.
Oh, but she did again. Same spot. Same sad little look on her face. I’m changing her feeding schedule, I think I’ve been feeding her too early in the nights so she is ready to let it all out midday. Again, not her fault, but mama was not pleased. Fucking shit. Anyway.
After cleaning the poo, and taking a nap, it was off to a 6:30 meeting where I didn’t really get much except a room full of sober people, and sometimes, that is enough. Post meeting, I went down to the local market and bought some yummy things, one of these yummy things my secret pleasure, Half Baked, probably not so secret though. I love that Ben. And Jerry. I love them both equally.
Because the market is right by my old gym, and upon Duncan’s demand we enter, we decided to go check out memberships. It’s about time I got my ass back in there, I hike all the time, but I need to get back in the habit of weights and classes and stair machine and blah blah blah. We hit that before the market so the ice cream never crossed the path of my new gym mates. It’s good I went in because a couple months ago, when I switched all my credit cards over, I never called them and told them. So I had an outstanding debt of $130, and was able to pay that off and get my dealings with them in the clear. Nice to be sober enough to handle things. Nice to be sober.
That is another thing I noticed. I wasn’t drunk at the parade, and I didn’t have social anxiety. Perhaps because I was surrounded by wonderful gay people that I didn’t fear being run over by, or perhaps I’m becoming more comfortable in my body. I hope for the second. because…..
I need to tell the kind men in my group tomorrow about my blog. I don’t want to keep any secrets, and as I don’t feel I’ve violated the sanctity or safety of the group, I want some feedback on whether what I’ve shared in this blog is appropriate or not. So I’m a little nervous about going tomorrow, because I must be scrupulously honest and share my purpose and intent behind these musings, but there is always the chance that someone will not like me doing as I’ve decided to do, sharing in this open forum as I’ve decided to share. If that is the case, my feelings around the meetings will remain inside, or shared with another human being in private. It’s understandable. But it is my recovery, and I hope that my being honest about things in my recovery process doesn’t make anybody from that room uncomfortable.
It’s 9:45 and I’m plum tuckered. I’m getting up around 5:30 to walk the Saucanator, and then grab coffee and a meeting. Big day tomorrow too….meeting, therapy, meeting at Vivid, meeting, eating, talking, sharing, working and moving on.