I was going to attend my very first sober party with a cute buddy of mine from the program tonight, but as things work out, they just didn’t work out.. This is good for a couple reasons, and I will share the reasons with you here–as I always do 🙂 But first, lets think of the day, the loveliness of it all, and the events that led to this moment right now.
I woke fairly early, like 8:30ish, and felt ready to start the day. With a full brew of coffee in my belly, and the decisions about positive thinking coursing through my veins, aided by caffeine, I brought the paints out and started again at my current project. I’ve never been so carefree in my work, pushing strokes where they may fall, allowing my hand to move as it may, striking at the canvas with all the emotions that have been interfering with my sleep. It really is wonderful to move through the brush, and not place so much focus on each stroke. Thank you for reminding me there is a bigger picture at hand. (;-) ) Very often I become consumed with the detail of each stroke. So small. My life is big, and reflects the paintings attitude. It also seems very aggressive, which is another emotion I’ve been working through. How lovely to say that though, working through my aggressive attitude, and allowing it to shine on a piece. I’m certainly not finished, but here is the half-way point.
After a morning of paints and aggressive thoughts, and feeling a bit spent I might add, it was off to a meeting, a step study where we worked on step 11. Or at least talked about it. I didn’t share, but I heard some wonderful things, things that make me excited about the stepwork, excited to be in my current position. In my life. After that, I came home to paint more, (the lighting isn’t good now otherwise I’d show you what I’ve completed since then) and write some of my book. Things are coming along quite nicely, and I’ve decided I need to lay down the “official” outline so I may have something to follow. I figure it makes sense. When I wrote papers in school, I made an outline. It will carry over, and help this process move along much more smoothly.
I then met up with my pancake queen for a cup of coffee and some chatty chatty chat chat. She is so lovely to spend time with, I think I will call her Ms. Loverly. Loverly and I spent about an hour and a half together, and the whole time we drank coffee I thought of the open yellow paint container I had left sitting on my paint dresser. Saucerton has taken to devouring things on tables, and I wondered if she has figured out how to get up on dressers. She hasn’t. But she pooed in the house again. I think my timing is off in relation to her poo schedule. I’ve started to get up later, feed her later, and guess her bowel movements have shifted to coincide with my being not so quick to rise. She is not so quick to poo. Again, I couldn’t be angry with her. She isn’t used to apartment living. She always had a backyard where she could poo whenever she pleases. Now, she has wood floors.
After Loverly and I shared some time, Saucerton and I went for a nice big walk around the neighborhood. We walked up the hills and down. We walked in circles, and straightaways, we even walked down to the corner park area where a man had pulled over and carried on in the most insane conversation I’ve ever had the pleasure to eavesdrop. He was very angry, incredible actually, screaming at the top of his lungs onto his phone claiming that the person on the other end has “ruined both our lives! I can’t help you anymore! You don’t help your fucking self!” I tried to entice Sauce into pooing at the corner just so I could carry on listening. She didn’t poo. I became suspicious standing there begging for shit. We moved along and went home.
I wrote a little for a new project I’ve taken on. Something that isn’t quite set in stone, but as soon as it is, I will share. Saucy seems to think she is a lap dog now and keeps crawling into my lap as I write. She is not a lap dog. She is more body pillow size, and when she sits in my lap I can’t reach the keys on the computer. It’s very sweet, but counterproductive. There is plenty of time for snuggling.
A quick dinner with Duncan and then down to El Capitan to watch “Up” in 3-D. FUCKING AMAZING. I want a dog collar that makes Saucy speak. I want a floating house suspended among the clouds by a million balloons. I want I want I want!!!! But if I had to pick one, I would take the dog collar. Then at least she could tell me when she wants to take a dump.
I had arranged with a buddy from the program to head downtown after the movie to attend this sober party. Sober party. That just sounds funny. I called him after the movie, and as it is a little late, he questioned whether or not I wanted to roll. I said I probably should get over the fact that it’s labeled a sober party and jump into the three ring circus that is sobriety. He laughed. I then spoke with JJ and she was leaving, said it was fun, there is dancing, but she’s going home. Gay Pride tomorrow, we are all going to march, and she wants to get some sleep. I called back Mr. Cute and told him we don’t have to go, besides it will take him forever to get out here from Santa Monica where he is, and by then it will be so late. He said he’s glad because one of his headlights is out. I laughed and told him “get that shit fixed!” First thing he says….
It’s good I didn’t end up going because of a few things. First of all Mr. Cute is definitely Mr. Cute. And after midnight I turn into a pumpkin so it’s best to stick with the daylight hours where I can keep my hands and head above water. Not that anything would have happened. But we all know what it’s like going out with a girl who turns into a pumpkin after a certain hour. Yummy Pie. Anyway, he is very sweet and I’d like to hang out. Just not tonight….. (look at me behaving and sheeeeeet.)
Another reason it’s good is because I have a big day tomorrow filled with coconut cakes, coffee, parades meetings and perhaps more coffee or lunch or dinner with friends. I don’t want to be totally exhausted, and if we leave at 1am to go to the party, we aren’t getting back until 5. 1-5am are my bewitching hours. No reason to tempt myself. As much as I’d like to. And believe me, I’d like to.
And the final reason it’s good I didn’t go is because I wouldn’t have been able to update for today! I would have come home, crashed, woken up and carried on like today never happened. But today is still happening, and it’s best for me to sit and expound the details of my day so that I can come back and decide later what this whole emotion I’m feeling is right now. Because, honestly, I’m clueless.