Staying in the moment

Posted on June 20, 2009


Started off the day borrowing coffee from the neighbor, I’ve run out and thankfully it’s time to re-up on my favorite blend. Also, thankfully, the neighbor didn’t mind sparing a pot for me this morning and so I woke with my usual three cups and started painting right away. I’ve been feeling inspired. Part of the inspiration comes from the fact that I’ve just ordered over $100 in paint from an online service, thanks to all the kind and generous people who’ve donated, and part from the thought of covering up old paintings to make new. This painting that I’m covering now was one of my first attempts to draw a face, and lacks the detail that I am now capable of creating, the detail that makes the face unique and personal, instead of just an expressionless expression of an expression. 🙂

Here is the first part of the day’s accomplishments:

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After a good two and a half hours of paint time, it was off to meet with JJ and some other friends for coffee and chat. JJ is such a lovely girl, and I’m so grateful she’s in my life. It’s nice to have another recovery buddy to kick around with, at least we won’t be getting into trouble together.

I came home and Saucerton Dogsworth was making her “Ahruuuum” noise, which means she wants to go potty. I’ve finally figured out her shitting schedule, which makes me very happy. I’ve also started putting her in the bathroom when I leave, with a bowl of water, her bed, and a bone, I figure there’s a little more play room than a crate and if she does feel so inclined to take a deuce, tile is easy smeasy to clean. But I haven’t had any accidents since the bathroom and realization that sometimes, a girl just needs to crap midday. I don’t know what I’ll do once I get a regular job, no coming home so she can go poo. Suppose I’ll worry about that when the time arrives.

We went for a long walk up in the Hollywood hills. I tried my best to be in the moment, and these are the things that helped me to stay present.

When walking by a tree: “That tree has very green leaves.”

When walking by flowers: “I wonder if these smell nice. Oh look! They do!”

When walking by nice homes: “These are very nice homes. I love the stucco.”

When Saucy finally shit: “Holy Jesus that’s a big dump. What am I feeding you???”

The girl has the biggest craps on earth. The size of my head. I kid you not. Maybe I’ll post a picture of one here. Not today, don’t worry. Anyway, these are the things I tried to focus on while walking. It helped me to remember that I am in fact walking around the hills, that it is a lovely misty moisty day, and that the sun never refuses to shine.

Walk time was followed up by my first gym yoga class. I’ve been a little bit of a yoga snob in the past, “no, I don’t want to do yoga at the gym, for fuck sakes, look at them, it’s not even hard yoga. There’s nothing special about it.” But now, upon cutting back in the financial department, I totally understand what is special about gym class yoga. It’s free with the gym membership! I get it now. Silly girl. The class was great too. Much better than I expected. When the instructor sat down, he asked us to close our eyes, and think of why we came to class today. Every person in here has come in with different experiences, different reason motivating them to attend. Think of these reasons as we start, and let that guide your meditation.

Mine? Remember to breathe. I’ve been forgetting about my breath, about the fact that I’m breathing all day long. I’ve been getting side tracked with shiny things, and new possibilities, and can’t seem to remember about the one thing that keeps me going all day. Thinking about the little gasps of air that pump into my lungs helped me to take deeper, longer, more intense breaths, and no longer was I choking, or fighting for my air, it came naturally. As did my focus on the walk home. I didn’t have to tell myself about the green leaves on the trees, or the soft scent coming from the roses. For the 15 minute foot ride, I simply enjoyed my day, and watching the sun dip down toward the sea.

Dinner was quick, and then back to more painting. I’m feeling it, I told you. Nothing better than taking something you’ve already made and making it totally different, and better. New. Fresh. Mom called, I didn’t answer. Just not quite ready to talk yet. Some bigger than me things have been going on, and I’m on break. Ten minute break. Just think about your breath Jennifer.

Around 9, after completely losing track of time, we headed down to smoke some hookah, and drink this fruity shit that tastes like perfume. Ga. Ross. I didn’t finish the drink, not my cup of, well, fruity shit that tastes like perfume, but the apple flavored hookah was lovely, and so were all the crazy people passing down Hollywood Blvd., getting to their Saturday Night destination.

I text Mr. Cute, asking “what the fuck do sober people do on Saturday night???” He replied “they go dancing.” He’s working tonight, but another night I’ll go out dancing with him, maybe bring JJ too, for some fun, sober, shaking of the tail feathers. What’s funny is that this would be the first time going to a club and being able to dance to the beat. Nevermind remembering the drive home.

All in all, another lovely day in the life of Jennie K. Tomorrow is a big one, full of fun, first market, then coffee and chats, then it’s off to the Dodgers vs Angels game with my homeboy Javies, he’s got us bomb seats and I want a foam #1 finger and a hotdog or some garlic fries. Mostly a hot dog. Again, first time going to a game sober.

I have to stop saying that. It’s my first time living my life sober, so these are all just side notes in the bigger picture. I’m enjoying the bigger picture.

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Posted in: Good Days