Happy Birthday America

Posted on July 4, 2009

This is the first time since childhood that I intend upon spending the 4th sober. Well, above and beyond sobriety, the first 4th I intend upon staying awake till the fireworks, not getting kicked out of bars, not making out with random chicks I had met in those bars, not losing my purse or shoes, and being able to drive home from wherever it is I happen to party. And Party I will, like it’s 199….9? no, more like 94 or 95. In any case. That’s still quite awhile back. The firecrackers in Hollywood have already started popping.

Great, fantastic, beautiful awesome day today. Big, full, and filled with wonder. Got a call saying that I’ll be returning to the safety of an on camera presence, so Monday it’s back to the thing that started this whole process, but a tad bit different. Can’t go into too much because of legal matters and etc. but I’m thrilled to be going back into an environment where intensity and focused introspection are encouraged, if not mandatory. I must admit I’m glad that these things only go in 3 week spurts because death would be the next thing to follow such intensity, death of life. And last time life followed. A big full beautiful life, one in which I find myself living every day.

After the call had a casting, and that went well. In fact,  I think I got it, which would be a nice little paycheck to hold me over in this transition from pornstar to writer to director to human being? To whatever may be. Time will tell.

Had dinner with my lovely Angel Pie tonight, at a fabulous Mexican Grill where the tacos are much smaller than one would hope and the salads so large it takes two to finish. We spoke of the day, of the days passed, and possibilities of the future. It’s so nice to spend time with my little Angel, I feel as though I finally get to be her friend. Not because of any of her actions, but because of my lack of action. I’ve never been a very good listener, although claimed to be, but never actually listened and absorbed or retained information. Now we have dinner and I know what’s going on in her life, I know what she’s going through, what’s bugging her, what she did yesterday, and what she hopes to do tomorrow. And it’s all because I’ve quit getting so fucked up, and started being less self-obsessed. Started 😉 But it’s nice to finally experience friendship where I care about the other person in the relationship. Because I love her. Very much.

After dinner we hit Sephora, and she bought things she probably doesn’t need but really wants so I sniffed lotions and debated on spending money on yummy smelling guava or lotus garden scented moisturizers. I talked myself out of it because I always end up smelling like smoke anyway. I’ll spend money on nice smelling things once I quit smoking-that will be my present to myself. To smell nice.

After lotion and product fest 2009, it’s down to American Apparel where I tried on new spandex stretch pants that have cuts going up the side of the legs. Funny thing, 3 months ago I would have been all about these slutty little pantalones, but today, just not for me. I need things a little more reserved. Spandex already shows off my ass, I don’t need to cut holes in them to make people look. So a cute little loose shirt that hangs off the shoulders and we are off again, onto Hollywood Blvd where the first Michael Jackson impersonator is trying his hand at moonwalking. Personally, I think it’s still a bit too soon for them to start dancing around acting as if he’s been gone more than a week, but I cannot control person places of things. His crowd was small and I feel as though perhaps other people had the same idea.

Halfway down the block we noticed a Disney oriented Soda Fountain where they served HUGE bowls of ice cream in Mickey’s Wizard hat from Fantasia. I tried my best to convince Angel we needed this and she refused, saying $30 is a retarded amount to spend on ice cream especially when we will finish it all and want to barf. The presentation was amazing, you can click on the twitter link to see the hat. I will have the ice cream platter. One day. But not today.

Leaving the ice cream shop, heading home, we passed a hat store that I’ve passed many times. Intentionally I might add, because I have a little thing for hats, scarves, mittens and leg warmers. A great love for all things decorative. The pull of the fedora’s was too strong, and within no time we were laughing hysterically trying on every single hat in the store. The guy finally gave us the poker stick to get the cool ones down from the top because he was always back and forth. Angel bought the perfect beach hat, and I found the perfect Stepford Wife hat, which I will also be wearing at the beach tomorrow. It’s off to Venice for BBQ, friends, fireworks and memories.

I think remembering may be my favorite part of not being fucked up. I have a pretty dope life, and I want to remember as much as possible.


Posted in: Good Days