Good morning old friend, it’s been so long since I’ve been here, since I’ve shared my feelings in this open and honest place, so long since I’ve said “good morning” old friend.
I’ve been doing well, living life on it’s terms and trying out emotions like happiness and frustration, excitement and helplessness just to see how they fit. I’ve been in battles I can’t win, and battles that won me, looked out over this beautifully full city of Angeles while drinking my morning coffee, and while mourning the loss of identities shed. The face I wore as an addict becoming further in my past (104 days today!!!), the suit I wore as my siblings mother slowly coming too the ground, first the jacket, then the skirt, next the constraining pantyhose and heels, I get to have new relationships and these relationships have new faces, stronger muscles and more flexible joints. In living in sobriety, in a house full of people with sameness of purpose, I find myself asking new questions, recognizing similar struggles in completely different people, finding my strength in small miracles that happen around me every moment of every day.
I’m feeling a bit stronger, thinking a bit more clearly, opening my heart one vein at a time. I miss having you in my life, the friendly ear that listens, a quiet soul that understands, the words on the page a reflection of my mind. I’ll be home soon, back to real life with real troubles and real experiences, ones that I can share more freely, less cryptic than this letter, I’ll be home soon to saucerton, to kitty, to my bed and my pen. I’ll be home soon.