Every year around this time, I find myself working as much as humanly possible to ensure a plethora of gifts for my family come Christmas time. I also overload on the work because typically, during the holiday season and January, the adult business shuts down as a whole, people taking time off from shooting porn to spend with loved ones, prepare for the AVN awards, and come down from the insane high that week in Vegas leaves us with. December and January are classically slow for porn, and I always liked to shoot as much as possible because you never know when your next pay day will be.
I also got into the habit of overdoing it on the presents thing, and black friday always put me in the red, although I’d make it up the next shoot or two. I’m not sure why I felt the need to be so extravagant with the gifting process, I’d drop 5 bills on my sister, same with my brother, 3 or 4 on mom, etc, I found myself over compensating in the gift arena because I lacked in the good friend/sister/daughter arena. This year, I am a bit concerned because I won’t be living up to the years past. In fact, my family will be lucky if they get macaroni art from me~ it would be cute but certainly not up to the standards I’ve created.
Every year since my 18th birthday, I’ve loved Black Friday, in fact, loved it long before I had money to spend. I remember being a kid and going shopping with my mom, we were an incredible force to be reckoned with, she would distract the shopping and sale crazed women while I crawled under their legs to the unbelievably discounted wrapping paper, or that giggling fucking Elmo. Distract and attack. That was our game plan. We executed it perfectly, and at no point did it occur to me that this aggressive manner of shopping would be setting me up for a future of unsound money spending, thrift never was my middle name, Nordstroms always my favorite store. Even at 5, I knew driving directions to Nordstroms for when Grandma came into town. I also knew my way to the Penguins FroYo spot. Some things just don’t change.
This year, it’s all changed. I am spending black friday in my home, writing my first blog for the HuffPo, and revising the proposal I plan on shopping come January. A small part hasn’t changed, for instance, I’m still up for AVN awards (best instructional and supporting actress), but the larger parts are different. I will not be buying anybody excessive gifts this year. In fact, I may just paint and create each gift, hopefully the thought and love I put into each piece will make my family happy, let them know how much they mean to me. I will not be fucking as many people as humanly possible to make sure I have food on the table come January, although I will be working non-stop on the proposal and first chapter, and will be doing my best to hustle some artwork and formulate the foundation for a new project I’d like to take on. No, this Holiday season will be best spent creating and focusing on the relationships I’ve neglected for years past. I feel a bit uncomfortable with the idea that Dad may get an up to date glazed clay handprint, but maybe that will be the best present I can give. It certainly has more meaning behind it than anything else I can think of. And I know he would understand. He’s a good Dad.
On a side note, I met a really cute guy about a week ago, and just got his number. Kinda funny. Don’t really know how to approach it from there. I’m obviously not going to jump into sex, and I know that’s not what he’s going for, but it’s just funny to be getting a guys number after a week, this slow introduction thing, this building friendships thing, the possibility of dating thing…. it’s all very foreign to me. On the night we met, he mentioned that he’d gone on a date with a broad who claimed to be a writer, albeit an unemployed one, and in my head all I could think about was… “Whoa… people really do go on dates before they fuck each other. And if the date doesn’t work out, they don’t bang!” I’m constantly learning more. hahahah. Such a tard.
Anyway, I’m going back to proposal land and then will spend my afternoon riding on the Metro and interviewing people for my HuffPo blog. It’s not a paying gig, but at this point, I really don’t care. They’re gonna let me put a link to my site and that is plenty for me. Never mind the fact that having my words published on the Huffington Post would make me an official writer. Sick. Super sick.
I guess the overall point of my post today is that I’m trying to embrace this holiday seasons with new eyes, new arms and a new respect toward my wallet and the money I pull out of it. I don’t think it’s necessary anymore to show my family and loved ones I love them by showering them with superfluous gifts. I think perhaps, some macaroni art and a glazed hand will suffice. I know I don’t want anything more than that. Just some quality time with the folks that mean the most, and this will officially be the happiest holiday I’ve ever had.
Becoming Jennie 
Jeff
November 27, 2009
As a fan of your adult work, and on Sex Rehab, I am very happy for you and your progress.
Pat
November 27, 2009
i love your blogs, especially the ones with dialogue in them!
jared
November 27, 2009
money isn’t everything, time spent together is worth more than anything
STH
November 27, 2009
Seems to me that spending, spending, spending can be another way of acting out, of filling your life with noise and frantic activity so that you don’t have to feel your pain. I know that I’ve used it that way, and I know other people that have as well. I’ve also used overspending on presents to help shore up my family’s shared illusion that we’re a happy family . . . .
Anyway, thank you for this thoughtful post.
unclealan
November 27, 2009
I just stumbled across your blog, good luck in your recovery. I’m not specifically familiar with your former ‘work experience’ (not that I am anti-P), but quite involved in the 12 step process, possibly for longer than you’ve been alivegeez-unc
Steve M
November 27, 2009
You have the right attitude. But who says macaroni art has to be lame? lol 😉
greybeard
November 27, 2009
Based on my feelings as the father of two daughters about your age, I’ll bet you are already giving your family the best holiday gift you could give them. You’re giving them Jennie back. It’s a priceless gift. Enjoy and remember it always.
betheboy
November 27, 2009
I found that I began to enjoy the holidays much more when I stopped worrying about gifts. While I’ll buy a few things for family this year it’s all about the thought now, not the money. Your family and the people who love you will understand.
Congrats and good luck with the HuffPo gig.
Angolmois
November 27, 2009
This woman is a fraud.
This is just phase two of her efforts to corrupt people.
Unless she responds (without showing psychic contempt) this witch is merely sucking up your attention and more.
Jonathan
November 27, 2009
Wow! What’s phase 3?
rich
December 7, 2009
shes a person with a heart, a brain ,and feelings, she had the courage to find herself to make her life better. so what if its on vh1. shes didnt corrupt anyone on sex rehab shes there trying to heal.
Dennis
November 27, 2009
I think you write really well: interesting, engaging and well controlled. Best of luck to you.
msa
November 27, 2009
I can imagine that any change would be a welcome one, and if your family and friends were only in it for the promise of irregularly timed material gifts I have trouble thinking that they would have been around up until this point anyway. In any case in response to the more negative comment, you should take solace in the fact that nothing that you have done, or will ever do is any worse than anyone else, and anything can be forgiven.
Tom
November 27, 2009
The xmas gift thing is sick and needs to go. Specially disgusting: measuring peoples worth with dollars. Yuck! Much better your macaroni art. Good luck dating. Unasked for advice: be totally honest. If they can’t handle you as you are, they aren’t right for you. Good luck!
Sarah Elizabeth McKinney
November 27, 2009
Miss Jennie,
I’ll admit I had no idea who you were, which is funny because I watch a lot of porn (I guess you wouldn’t be on tube8, you were bigger than that).
Anywho! You have the most gorgeous big brown eyes. Someone’s gonna get lost in those and you’re not gonna let them be found! I also wanna say that (I have a lot to say heh) I, too, lost my virginity in middle school. I was 14 (I was in 8th grade, he was in 7th) and his birthday came later than mine, so…it always bothered me thinking, “Even though he’s 12 he’ll be 13 in a few months!” That’s STILL too young. I’ll cut it short and make it sweet and tasty and say basically I should be on Dr. Drew show. Or two. LOL. k really that wasn’t funny. You should totally send Dr. Drew macaroni art for Christmas….you could make a Macaroni Drew or some sort of inside joke. We should get together and make some macaroni art! I got shells! haha! I’m proud of you, you’re too fun and smart…so thank goodness you got help.
Love
Sarah McKinnney :]
yoshimi953
November 28, 2009
Awesome that you’re writing for the HuffPo…I’ve always been a big fan. You seem like a really intelligent and beautiful girl. Good luck with the date and holidays and all. Peace!
Meyhem
November 28, 2009
Angolmois:You are a pure Shit. Worse, you probably think you are funny. Actually you are just sad. Roast in the hell of your miserable existance knowing that your misery is all self inflicted.
Keep going Jennie
good luck and prayers
Marissa
November 28, 2009
keep it up girl! you inspire women everywhere for tons of reasons. you writing has had a personal affect on me. so please keep it up. i look forward to sitting down and reading what you have to say it make me feel like im not alone in the world. one love.
Tim
November 28, 2009
Hi, When I first saw you on Sex Rehab The hairs on my arms stood on end. I am a sex addict trying to recover but with mixed results. I knew of Penny Flame but mostly as Dolly on Playtime. As a masochist with a goodly amount of self loathing being called a loser etc was actually a turn on.
Am happy to see the real you and it is ironic that you are now actually inspiring me in a totally different way.
Wish you the very best.
an
November 28, 2009
penny flame is such a loser! Why is her porn website still up ? If you are a former pornstar who have quit pron then please shut down your porn website! Oh I forgot she makes shit load of money from that website, so she woul dnever shut it down! hahah such a joke
an
November 28, 2009
come on penny ! I always loved your work! stop this bullshit! You got the media attention you needed, back to good stuff please! You are like the diamond of the pornstars! This makes me sad, as I always thought you truly enjoy the FUN and… so fake….
rich
December 7, 2009
let her heal! im a fan of porn but if she wants to change her life and be happy good for her. her life is not to entertain yours.
jd
November 28, 2009
Jennie, I can understand the “Why” of your ingrained Fiscal discipline Because:
1. You lived in the SF Bay Area, and LA, living in your means doesn’t work uless it’s 20 to a house or 80k a year per person.
2. You lived in Moraga and you definetely would know what “Going Blackhawk on Someone” means.
3. You are describing classic “Hustler’s Withdrawl” as you now make probally in a month the amount of Income you used to make in a 1/2 day of shooting. Yes it is hard to go normal (a friend of mine had the same problem).
As for Dating 1 month of date’s before Sex is considered average for a “Normal Relationship.
Lance
November 28, 2009
Jennie if I was in your family and had my choice of the Jennie of the last ten years or the Jennie who reemerged this year I would chose the current by far. Watching my sister or daughter live life like it was a candle that had to be burning at both ends and fed by pure oxygen would not be made easier if she bought me real nice presents.
I would truly enjoy just having Jennie back. That all by itself is better than any material present.
As to the dating. I met a woman once where the sexual chemistry was off the charts. We decided that it would be better to go on a few dates where we just learned if we enjoyed what the other person liked. We went on dates where we did my favorite things and others where we did things she enjoyed.
When we got into bed it turned out the sex was fantastic but the best part was knowing that we could have a great time together just hanging out.
Letdown
November 28, 2009
If somebody’s going to make it, that somebody ought to be you.
li
November 29, 2009
My holiday season clean I wrote people letters about all the things I was thankful for about them and how much I love them. It was like a letter form of a gratitude list, you could try that.
❤
Emma
November 29, 2009
Congrats on your HuffPo publication!
I think I’m going to borrow your arts & crafts gift ideas. A member of my extended family makes little crafts every year, and I always hold them dear.
Jessica J.
November 30, 2009
I’m a high school teacher, and I never have money to buy anyone Christmas presents that cost more than about 5-10 bucks. Instead, I always make something for most of the people on my list. Here are a few great ideas:
Lavender Pillows – They are easy to hand stitch and cost only about 15 for all supplies. Mix lavender and flax seed in a pillow. It is great for headaches or just for relaxing.
Also, I love to make sugar or salt scrub. You can find little glass jars or plastic containers to hold the contents. I buy the raw sugar and mix it with grapeseed oil and ground coffee. You can also buy some sort of essential oil if you want more of a scent.
Don’t worry about gifts. Your recover is the true gift for everyone!
Mike
November 30, 2009
Just being there for your family is more important than the disposable products you can buy in any store. You are the real deal, everything else is just fluff.
christalball
December 3, 2009
yyyyyyyeah, you know, gifts are nice, but really i think that most people [adults anyway] are over that whole “holiday ritual.” when it’s more or less about that, i think our gatherings are cheapened and it kind of takes away from the whole thing…. i think that your fam will LOVE any homemade gifts you could make them. an idea is that you could meditate about all the peeps you wanna gift [one by one] and try to conjure up an idea or symbology that you could try to capture into little mixed media/found art pieces. i think that would be very special and endearing, priceless even. whip up a bomb ass dinner, write and sing a song just for them or schedule in some quality time for each person while you visit…. whatever you do, i am sure it will be lovingly received. to echo our other “friends,” Jennie Ketcham is the best gift of all:^)
oh and best of luck on dating. i would never know any of these dudes from Adam, but “they aren’t worthy!”;^D whatever happens, don’t sell yourself short and “don’t settle for less.” i’m not saying look for “Mr. Perfect,” but if you don’t feel right about someone or there’s something about him that just isn’t right [although the rest of him could be amazing], then please bail. also, don’t think that “it’s something that can be worked on.” yeah, no one’s perfect and we humans are complex animals, but if someone has an issue or whatever that’s lodged in like a tick, then you’re asking for a hot mess. as you know, change is something that has to come from inside, and it’s a major bummer when that other person isn’t willing to deal with their shit. it gets really bad and then you may very well wish that you had never met them. sadly “it’s too late” for most people that end up in this clusterfuck…. there’s a mantra that helped me out of my downward spiral about five years ago, and i think it’s very fitting in this instance: “it’s not my problem.” life is just too short, you know…? sorry about this unsolicited advice ~ i know that you are a smart and capable woman, and as long as you are moving up the road to knowing and loving yourself you will find “the golden ticket”;^) whoever gets to go out with you is uber lucky whether they know it or not:^) don’t break too many hearts!*^_^*
oh, and if you ever call yourself a “‘tard” on here again, i will stop reading…! hehehe, probably not, but it would MAKE me want to stop…;^)
film izle
December 27, 2009
money isn’t everything, time spent together is worth more than anything