Browsing All Posts published on »December, 2009«

Old Haunts and A New Look

December 30, 2009


I drove to San Diego today, put Deezy and Saucy in the car for some quality end of the year adventure time. The main goal was a haircut, my sister has this guy Travis who works at Arc Robert Cromean Salon in downtown SD who uses her as a model and gives fantastic cuts, and […]

The moments in between

December 28, 2009


The moments in between being born and dying can seem like eternity, the moments that take our breath away, that make us gasp, astonished by our good fortune or bad luck, the moments where we can pause and consider consequences or predict outcomes. Sometimes these moments feel like forever, like when we’re in a car […]

Merry Christmas!

December 25, 2009


Oh, the weather outside is frightful, But the fire is so delightful, And since we’ve no place to go, Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. My sister and I woke this morning earlier than my brother and father. We raced downstairs to smoke our early morning cigarettes over coffee. She doesn’t drink […]

The first 24th

December 24, 2009


Today is the first 24th I’ve felt Christmas. Every year I get so plastered by noon that I’m in desperate need of a nap. Some sleepy time and yams always brings me back to life, and I get up and drink bloody maria’s until dinner time and then pass out again. Last Christmas Eve was […]

At Dads

December 22, 2009


This morning I lagged, waited to pack and sent out a few emails. I called Benz to set up the repo and have 30 days to return the car… Turns out it won’t be a mark on my credit as long as I set up a payment plan to cover the rest of my 20 […]

A few Days Off

December 22, 2009


I’ve been gone the past few days, out of blogland, and I felt like I was missing something tremendous. Something spectacular. I forget how much writing here helps me, how it keeps my mind clean and fresh, it’s like a meditation of sorts, mixed with my daily inventory. What good things happened today, what bad […]

A Day of Avoidance…

December 19, 2009


I spent the day doing things that kept my mind from other things. Things like drama and nonsense, anger and disappointment no longer serve the purpose they once served in my life. It used to be very easy to focus on those things, the intensity kept me distracted from my own issues. I find my […]

In response to some comments…

December 18, 2009


Every day I read each and every comment that is posted on this blog. Each comment means something to me, whether it is someone relating their personal truth or story, or just offering a supporting ear. I turned the comments back on because I felt as if I would not get a high from the […]

Barrier Reef

December 16, 2009


Visited Dr. Reef again today for some fun filled brain picking. I’m really starting to enjoy the therapy sessions with him, and with Jill. The first part of my recovery, and seeing them, felt light and fluffy. I feel now that we are getting into the real work. Every time I leave his office I […]

Today, I did everything I love to do.

December 16, 2009


Today I did everything I love to do. I woke up early and drank coffee before 8. I took my notepad and pen down to the corner shop and wrote until my hand hurt, revising the proposal is taking time, and it’s time well spent. I saw B and my step dog Daisy. Went to […]

Together as One

December 15, 2009


I just came home from San Diego, another amends trip with another ex-boyfriend I magically disappeared on. Until I looked these men in the eye, I never really understood what vanishing on someone you love creates. This sense of unfinished business. Questions that beg to be answered. An open door, and someone standing beside it […]

Further into Yesterday

December 13, 2009


I’m so glad to have attended that lecture last night, it’s made me intoxicated at the thought of the writing process. To the point where I’ve spent a good majority of the day going through my proposal/first chapter with a knife, cutting words and sentences, thoughts that don’t go anywhere, seem wasteful. Writing is rewriting, […]

Notes From Stephen Elliott Lecture

December 12, 2009


Lost on W. Sunset Blvd. East LA with bakeries and Spanish delights I cannot enjoy due to the late hour. Searching for 826LA, no signs, only an address that leads to a travel store, a bookstore next door at 1716 but no 826LA. The guy in the book store says it is the travel store […]

Cleaning Gutters with Raindrops

December 11, 2009


The rain is falling outside my living room window, it’s open and I hear the drop drop droplets falling from the metal gutter to the ground below, landing in piles of mud or puddles or water, landing so close to me and I’m dry. It’s falling on the roof, through the trees, and soaking the […]

Ready to say Goodbye?

December 10, 2009


A few months ago, it became obvious my car had to go. I tried every way out of the lease imaginable, tried swapalease, carmax, finding someone to take over the payment, even called Mercedes begging them to drop my payment, anything under a grand would have done. I knew I had to get rid of […]