A few months ago, it became obvious my car had to go. I tried every way out of the lease imaginable, tried swapalease, carmax, finding someone to take over the payment, even called Mercedes begging them to drop my payment, anything under a grand would have done. I knew I had to get rid of it and wanted to exercise every option before a voluntary repo- my credit is shit anyway, I just wasn’t willing to take any hits they might asses later on down the line. Two months ago, I threw in the towel. I surrendered to the higher power that is Benz, called them up and had the following conversation.
Me: Hi. I’d like to give you my car. I think you people call it voluntary repossession? I wanna do that.
Benz Lady: Ma’am, there are other options. Have you tried swapalease by any chance? I hear they have exc
Me: Listen Benz Lady, I’m not trying to be cunty but I’ve tried everything. I tried swapalease. I tried carmax. I tried calling my old porn agent to see if some porn broad wants to take over the payment. I’ve even called you asking if I can extend the lease to lower the payments. Nothing is working. Take the car back.
Benz Lady: Well ma’am, I understand your frustration, but a voluntary surrender is very damaging to your credit and Mercedes Financial may come after you for the difference.
Me: yeah, I get it. You sell it at auction for like 15 grand, I owe another 10 to make up the difference. I don’t care. That’s better than paying you guys 25 grand over the next two and a half years just to give it back anyway. I don’t care anymore. How do I give the car back.
Benz Lady: Well ma’am, I’m not sure you understand how this will effect your credit, it can
Me: Seven years bad luck, blahblahblah, listen lady, my credit is already fucked anyway, I’m considering filing for bankruptcy like the rest of America, and if it’s between paying my rent and driving your stupid fucking car, I’m going to pay my rent. If I don’t have somewhere to park the car, what the fuck does it matter if I can drive it. My house and bed don’t take gas money. I’m over the car. I give up. I GIVE UP. How do I give it back?
Benz Lady: Well, lets try deferring the payment for two months, and hopefully within that time you’ll get a job and can resume with the payments.
Me: Listen. I’m not going to argue with you about this…Wait. You want to let me keep the car for another two months? Without paying for it?
Benz Lady: Well, we’d tack the payments on the end of your lease. You wouldn’t not be paying for it.
Me: Send the paperwork. Lets do this shit.
Well my friends, two months have passed and I’m proud to say I still can’t afford the car. But the difference is now I don’t want to be locked into it anymore. I don’t care if I drive a Benz or a bike, I will get around just fine with or without a car. I’m not concerned with everything I once was in regard to the hunk of sexy metal. I had so much pride, felt it made me valuable as a human being being able to afford this thing. I don’t care anymore. I prefer to walk.
So the days are counting down, the paperwork to have the payments deferred never showed up, I asked them plenty and nothing ever came. But I suppose that doesn’t matter. It’s going back to the dealership anyway. Maybe I can just fill it all out there, when I hand them my keys.
My boy Brando saw my cracked iPhone and laughed at me. Then he gave me his old one, and we tried to just switch sim cards, I was hoping to pick up where I left off pre-crack. Now the phones need reregistering, and everything is not quite the same as it once was. I suppose that teaches me to be unsatisfied with my lot. I suppose it’s just kind of funny. I got greedy, hoped I could just jerry rig my phone into another, and now, I have no phone at all. And am on my way to having no car. I am constantly reminding myself that the more I struggle to make things my way, the more fucked up they get.
So I surrender. I surrender to Mercedes. To Apple. To all things that are more powerful than me. At least I know it will be a quiet morning.