Today, I did everything I love to do.

Posted on December 16, 2009


Today I did everything I love to do. I woke up early and drank coffee before 8. I took my notepad and pen down to the corner shop and wrote until my hand hurt, revising the proposal is taking time, and it’s time well spent. I saw B and my step dog Daisy. Went to therapy and jumped into more EMDR.

The EMDR was heavy today, I haven’t finished with the incident, ran out of time and had to put the emotions in the container I’ve set up, will be coming back to it next week, hopefully to flush out the rest although I have a feeling it may take a few sessions. That’s fine, Rome wasn’t built in a day and it certainly didn’t take a day to bottle up these emotions I’m sorting through so I’ll go easy on myself. But after the session was over, I hit up Crumbs on Melrose, for two cupcakes. My sweet treat for rough work. The oreo is gone already but the red velvet is waiting for tomorrow. One can only eat so many cupcakes in one day.

I got cakes and I watched some TV up at Deezy’s place, needed the drone of television to turn off for a minute. I found myself crying at the end of “Cold Case” when U2’s “with or without you” started playing. I have no idea what started the tears but they fell and I ate the cupcake without remorse. I checked my email and found two fun art oriented requests. One I can do and the other I cannot. I’ll touch on the one I can’t do in a minute.

It’s been awhile since I painted so I went out and bought a 12x48in canvas and started to paint the Golden Gate Bridge. It’s my favorite thing to paint, bridges carry so much meaning, and this one especially, I feel as if they take me home. I’m all over the place today. Feeling scattered. Nostalgic. A tad lonely. I spent the better part of the day painting my bridge and with each stroke I remembered why I love painting. Sometimes it’s just the only thing to do.

I spoke with Ron Jeremy for an hour, we laughed at silly things and even at serious things, and there are some people in the biz that will always make me smile. He called randomly, out of the blue, and I’m glad he did. He wanted to thank me for bring the mold of his cock to rehab, said it was a huge compliment. I told him he is lovely and one of the only dicks I haven’t thrown away. He loved this. He promised me a Thai foot massage, with no funny business. I’m going to take him up on it.

Saucy and I snuggled while we watched TV, we took a nap and then I read the second email, asking to purchase “The Road Home.” I don’t think I can sell it. Funny how I could sell anything 8 months ago, from a painting to my ass, and today I can’t part with my road home. I’ll make prints. Sell those. (Thanks for the idea 😉 ) But the original is the first painting I made that I was proud of. One of my first paintings ever, and still my favorite. It’s staying with me. We can’t get some things back.

I watched a Madmen episode and painted some more, and now it’s time for sleeping. Not sure what kind of day today will fall under, but there seem to be a few like this lately. I’m glad I dove into the things I love, like shiny blue paint and cupcakes from Crumbs, and I’m glad to be putting my head to the pillow sober tonight. 253 days sober by the grace of something higher than myself and I know I will make it to 254, regardless of how difficult that 254th day may be.