A Day of Avoidance…

Posted on December 19, 2009

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I spent the day doing things that kept my mind from other things. Things like drama and nonsense, anger and disappointment no longer serve the purpose they once served in my life. It used to be very easy to focus on those things, the intensity kept me distracted from my own issues. I find my time is better spent hiking, or painting, writing or playing…. Halo?

I played Halo for the first time tonight and finally understood why I’ve lost so many friends to that ridiculous game. It is more than a game. It is an entire life, and all wars of the world shoved into one tiny xbox. We played for three solid hours, until my eyes glazed over, until my fingers hurt, until it was time to watch…madmen. Madmen was the only possible escape, and after two consecutive episodes, I feel like my eyes are rotting out of my head. This is why I don’t have a television, or any game consoles that will allow me to be unproductive in my day. But I was productive today… I promise.

I went for an early afternoon hike with an old friend and caught up on life. I asked him my questions about authenticity, and he shared with me that there are a few people he finds himself inauthentic around, but not many, and they are not close relationships. He offered to help me in anyway he could, whether it’s another pep talk or someone to sit in on a conversation I feel I must have, and for this I am grateful. He constantly surprises me, as do most people on this planet.

I finished my bridge and am starting a lighthouse. I’ve never painted a lighthouse before, another friend says he loves them, so I’m painting him one for Christmas. I have yet to tell him. Hopefully I’ll be done by the time I leave for Washington, but if not, then after Christmas will be fine. Some things cannot be rushed.

Saucerton Dogsworth is spending the night at B’s house, after a big hike and some afternoon snuggling, B offered a doggie sleepover with his pit Daisy. Sauce loves Daisy. B loves Sauce. It will be one giant snuggle festival in his bed tonight, and now Sensei can get some quality attention from me.

I spoke with Jill for a half hour, about energy, and ingredients, authenticity and water levels. She is really a wonderful woman, and a brilliant therapist. I was telling her how I feel I have to fake the funk with some people, and it makes me uncomfortable. She said we are all ingredients in the fantastic recipe of life, and my ingredient mixed with some people’s ingredients will make snickerdoodles and other ingredients will make shittydoodles. When we come together with other people, an energy is present, and depending on how our ingredients mix, our energy will be either positive or negative. That’s why I tend to have funny conversations with KB, heartfelt chats with Deezy, excited and girly time vibes with Angel, old style married couple time with B, each person I come across has a different energy than mine, and when we mix, it’s all sorts of different cookies that wind up in one tin. And I do like cookies. Especially snickerdoodles.

So after a difficult day of not addressing something that perhaps needs addressing (Jill always tells me it’s best to pause, think it through, and then decide upon an action… sometimes no action is action enough), I’m feeling very accomplished and glad I spent the day in the way I did. I’m looking forward to a fun filled day tomorrow, time with a new friend doing old things in a new way.

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