I went out last night with my guy and a few of his friends who are visiting from Chicago, we went to Nokia to see Peewee, we hit the Fig and then went over to Coles downtown, so they could hit last call and I could work on my intake of Shirley temples. I woke up this morning feeling hung over from all the sugar and cigarettes, and while I had a fantastic time, it’s quite obvious I can no longer drink.
Is that what happens when we quit putting mind altering substances in our bodies for extended amounts of time? Things like sugar and excessive nicotine leave our bodies aching like the alcohol or drugs once did? How did I ever survive a real hangover? The two day hangovers that forced me to the couch with giant bottles of water and as much starchy food I can find… How did I manage to go on and do it all over again?
I can’t help but think the promise of getting fucked up again made the hurt from the previous night null and void. I was willing to suffer through the pain of over consumption if there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and if that light was filled with fuzzy and foggy promises of distorted reality and memory loss. So silly, looking back on it. The never ending cycle of hangovers and soon to be hangovers. Such an insane way to live.
Peewee has been doing a show at Nokia for the past two weeks, my guy has been promising we’d go and last night was the night to fulfill that promise. I grew up with the playhouse, Chairy and Miss Yvonne, Teri and Jambi, all these amazing things I wished would fill my playhouse, telling jokes I never understood until adulthood. Last night I enjoyed the show with the heart of a child and eyes of a woman. If you are in LA I suggest you go see him- it’s fucking brilliant.
I guess that’s what it takes for me to see things clearly. Jill says things need to be processes… I’m a slow processor. It’s taken years to figure out PeeWees jokes and months to understand what putting things in my body does to it, how different substances cause different reactions. I know it seems obvious. But I didn’t get the jokes as a kid, and I didn’t feel anything, let alone pain of a hangover, in addiction.
I’m glad to be feeling again, whether it’s good or bad.