This morning, I stuck with my decision to be happy throughout the day, I spoke with Deezy and told him I’d made a decision and he said it was a great idea. I told him he could do the same and he said “ehh…maybe in a bit.” Sometimes he is grumpy in the morning, but he likes it. So I think he decided later to be happy. I painted for a bit, and took Saucy for a hike up the canyon, and then we snuggled and watched some L&O. Original steeez. I’m feeling pretty good. In case you can’t tell. The day of the cunty love duck has passed, and now, the day of the love duck is coming to a close.
I want to thank Leah for pointing me to a great blog, a woman named Havi and her business partner Selma (who is also a duck, and probably a love duck and perhaps occasionally a cunty love duck but I don’t know them well enough to make those kind of assumptions), I’ve been playing around all day, and it’s really just an amazing piece of work. I highly recommend it. http://www.FluentSelf.com/blog
And to Peter, who wrote the following comment…
Jennie, what would your advice be for someone stuck in a rut, where apathy is taking over?
I just realized in 14 days I bring up a year without a Full Time Job, after things ended with lawyers.
How do you get rid of that ’sick’ feeling and get the ‘mojo’ back?
Peter… First I’d like to say congratulations on your one year anniversary of becoming free from whatever ties that happened to bind you. I am glad the lawyer stuff is now 352 days behind you. That is a good place to start. To remember that whatever happened a year ago is no longer happening today.
A year ago, I was stuck in a rut, but I didn’t realize it. It wasn’t until the job ended that I realized I am free to do whatever I wish to do. That’s the best thing about being in a rut, we have the freedom to travel in any direction. The hard thing has been deciding what to do. And it’s still an up and down minute by minute thing. So in the meantime, I don’t try to figure out what I want to do to get out of the rut for the rest of my life, I focus on what I can do in this moment to ensure that the next day will go well and I will feel healthy and happy.
Every night, before I hit the sack, I make two lists. I make a gratitude list, I write down as many things I can, and I make a TO DO list for the following day. I try to include at least two things I really enjoy doing. Even if they are just little things like reading the comments here, or having a cup of coffee at my favorite coffee shop down the street, or big things like taking Saucerton for a hike or going to a yoga class. Physical exercise really helps me stay positive and feel non-rutty. Especially if I get to bring my best blue friend with me.
I am all about lists, and there are two lists I keep with me at all times. An “Uh Oh” list and a “Horaay” list. The “Uh Oh” list has things I do or fail to do when I start to slip into rutsville, it’s usually things that start happening when I quit taking care of myself, which I’m known to do. I’ll write it down below. The “Horaay” list has things that make me feel good about myself, and I’ll write that down below as well. I won’t write the full extended version of what I carry in my purse, but you’ll get the idea… I know it might be a little obsessive to carry lists around that remind me of my state of mind, but it helps because sometimes I don’t realize I’m slipping into ickyness until I’m there. And even once I’m there, doing things on the “Horaay” list usually brings me out of it.
Laundry Piling Up
More than 2 Hours of Law and Order
Dishes PIling up
I don’t feel like talking to anybody
I don’t want to write
I don’t want to paint
I smoke too many cigarettes
Lots of unchecked voicemails
Don’t feel cute or sexy
Feel like blegh about getting out of bed
Don’t want to answer phone calls
Walking too fast
Ignoring important emails
Walk Saucy for no less than 30 minutes. Talk to her about my day
Do my dishes
Call my Dad. Or Angel. Or Mr. Man. Or Deezy. Or Jill. Or ANYBODY ON EARTH. Just reach out.
Write about why I don’t want to write
Look at cool artwork around the web
Gym, Yoga, Dance, anything that I can’t smoke while doing
Listen to voicemails and call people back.
Remind myself I’m allowed a nap later in the day
Slow down and look around. Smell flowers. Watch clouds.
The list is actually quite long but this post is already becoming lengthy, so I’ll keep it short.
But sometimes the plain and simple truth is that we feel blegh and there is nothing to be done but remind ourselves that the feelings are not facts and everything passes in time. I know these seem like silly little things that don’t add up, but it’s the little things like this that have made me the plain old love duck I was today. Yesterday, the only thing I did on my “Horaay” list, aside from seeing Jill, was deciding that tomorrow (which is now today) I don’t have to be unhappy. So perhaps when you go to sleep tonight, have a conversation with yourself, outloud (outloud always makes it feel real) and decide that tomorrow, you are going to start climbing out of the rut, first doing little things like brushing teeth and making the bed, and then bigger things like walking around your neighborhood or smiling at the cute girl behind the coffee counter.
Also check out Havi’s site, she seems to be pretty good with destuckification (Havi’s word, not mine) although I wish), and I think you’ll at least get a laugh out of Selma.