Return to LA

Posted on March 18, 2010

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After filming the view yesterday, Jenn G and I hit Juniors (my beloved cheesecake producer and giver of all things great and cheesy) and then JFK. We watched New Moon together on the plane, each on our separate little seat televisions, we pressed play at the same time, and then after a long discussion of who is hotter, vampires or werewolves, we started a new movie and fell asleep at the same time. Jenn is an incredibly inspiring woman, and I always love spending time with her.

Her boyfriend was waiting for her at LAX, and my driver was waiting for me, we kissed goodbye and I hopped in the town car that had been paid for, ever so graciously, by VH1. Yesterday was a big day, filled with tall buildings and big people, and as always, it’s lovely to return to my sunshine filled city of Angels. Nearly 80 degrees outside. I’m wearing a sundress. And eating Sock It To Me pudding ring cake for breakfast. It’s easy to remain in a place of gratitude when life keeps hurling such amazing things at me. It’s also easy to forget where I was nearly a year ago, which is why this blog helps so much.

For me, this blog is not about attention seeking, nor is it about validation through lovely commenters or Lurky McLurkersons. BecomingJennie is a safe place for me to keep track of everything going on in my life, it is a safe place for me to look back and remember where I started, and it’s a safe place for me to think of where I want to go. There was a moment where I turned off the comment portion of the site, I feared that I was becoming too attached to that little number sign displaying the amount of comments. I turned it back on because I learned to appreciate the comments from my readers for what they are. Kind and generous tidbits of information that help me along this path. My purpose in doing this very private journal in such a public manner is that I may help another human being who may be struggling with the same things. From the comments, I can’t help but feel this is a healthy decision. If I were to shut everything down, and live in the quietness of non-public life, I think my life would be equally as gratifying. And there may come a day when that happens. But for now, being that I am in the public eye with a ton of the things that have happened recently, the blog will stay up, and my life will continue with as much normalcy as I can muster. The wonderful people in my life, commenters included, help keep me grounded. Help me stay connected. And for this, I am eternally grateful.

March is proving to be a very big month, the spotlight on Carson, the time with ladies from The View, and now this upcoming week, I’ll be traveling to Boston, Harvard to be exact, to talk about “Porn, Fame and Addiction.” I’ve been working on the thoughts I’d like to share, have spoken with the professor who invited this little freckle face, and am feeling confident in the upcoming days with some of this nations finest students. I’d like to continue giving lectures on this topic, and as Drew told me two nights ago standing in Essex House lobby, feel I can offer, “a very interesting point of view on the subject.” I’m neither for nor against pornography, and do not wish to shut the door on my past. I’ve always thought it’s interesting how noisy it is when a pornstar enters the business, and how quietly most leave. Death, destruction, or softly into that dark night. Another reason I am sharing my journey in a public way. For any young woman who considers entering the business, I can only hope that she stumbles across these pages and seriously considers the struggle of leaving her chosen potential profession. That’s not to say it would have deterred me, but hey, who knows right?

So today, sitting in my sundress, enjoying the weather, reading Daniel G. Amen’s “Magnificent Mind at Any Age,” and finishing off this delicious cake, my goals are to write a new post for HuffPo, (which I will link to on here), work on the memoir, make some phone calls to those in my programs, and breathe in the salty beach air. It’s back home to Hollywood tonight, to spend time with Deezy and kitty, then away we go back east come Sunday. It’s an exciting time to be alive, but I must admit, I’ve been feeling excited about life ever since I started over.

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Posted in: Beautiful Days