I arrived at Los Angeles International with plenty of time. An hour an a half before my flight, seucirty seemed non-threatening, and even though I stood in the wrong line twice (first the line to check luggage if you’re already checked in and then group check in), made it to the proper line and had only 15 minutes before the luggage cut off, I thought “Hot damn I’m gonna make this flight after all.” I stepped up to the kiosk, ran my info and received a blinking screen saying talk to an agent at US Airways.
But I’m at United. And my itinerary reads United. Operated by US but flying United. So I turn to the guy directing people to kiosks and ask what the screen means.
Me: “sir? What does this mean?”
Mr Person Director: “it means you need to go to US airways and speak with them. This is United. You need terminal 1. We are at 7.”
Me: ” Wait… Are you serious? But my… It says… And uhh…”
Mr Person Director: “Just go downstairs and catch the bus over to terminal 1.”
Me: “But I’ll never make it in time.”
Mr Person Director: “Well you have to try.”
And so in a bit of a flusterery huff I ran downstairs. Called Mr Man and he told me to stay positive. Which is normally my line. The bus pulled up two puffs into my “I’m super stressed” cigarette, took me to terminal 1, no lines, and I made the 45 minute baggage check in by 3 minutes. Literally 3 minutes.
The security line was ten miles long, just like last week when I was heading to NYC, but this line moved quickly, took about 25 minutes, and I knew I’d make my flight as I stood behind three nuns taking off their shoes.
They were calling my name on the loud speaker, Jennie Ketcham to gate 12, and as I ran through terminal 1, all I could hear was Mr Person Director telling me I must try. I must, at the very least, try.
I think back on the failures in my life, and think perhaps if I’d tried, at the very least, I would have been a success regardless of whether I did something well or not. Like school. I was successful in school until I quit trying. Like living. We are successful in life until we quit trying.
So it’s off to Boston to speak at Harvard. I’ve butterflies of the belly, and am sporting a Jansport backpack in an effort to blend in with the students. I hope kids still wear Jansport backpacks.
My own classes start in June, I register for classes in May and a month later, I’ll be back in a classroom. Going school supply shopping. Studying and doing homework. Trying. To be better than myself.
triballion
March 22, 2010
Nice job Jennie. Keep taking one step at a time. I just found your blog, so you may have said it before, but what will you be studying?
Mike
March 22, 2010
Congrats at making it out of LAX. Hope that the engagment at Harvard goes well. Stay safe and strong.
John W
March 22, 2010
wow, jansport backpacks…that really sends me back…i turned 27 this feb myself and couldn’t tell you what is still around in school supplies…its pretty amazing how quickly distance forms after high school and college…college students aren’t all that much younger after all but i too refer to them as kids
i think you hit it on the nose with that definition of success…success is trying/caring enough to try/giving a damn about whatever it is to push to be better; not what the world tells us: straight a’s, record deals, sports contracts, picture plastered over magazines…if those things come to you then awesome but the mark of success is trying, not being afraid whether you fail or make it, and learning and trying again…best wishes for your lecture…remember, whatever the background or status the world gives them, they’re just people on this crazy, spinning, blue ball like you and all us here…GOOD LUCK!!!
Eric H.
March 22, 2010
lol Jansport!
Got any Pee-Chee folders or a Trapper Keeper to go along with it? 😉
Eric H.
March 22, 2010
btw Jennie, my comment was directed with your writer’s ability to close out your writings on good notes. You have a knack for doing this. Some writers struggle with the first and last paragraphs whether in fiction or non-fiction but you seem to to have a good grasp on openings and closings. Have fun in crisp Boston and travel safe while rockin’ that Jansport!
Jason
March 22, 2010
You’ll blend right in, no matter what bag you carry or how you dress (be it in PJs or… well, I think a swimsuit would be a bit conspicuous in Boston).
I still have my Jansport backpack from college (comes in handy at work). Mine’s bright blue and black with a handy pouch to hold a portable CD player.
Shannon
March 22, 2010
I love it. Trying. My son and I do family therapy now with the grounds of Trying. Trying to me is a great example of living, learning and growing. Sometimes this is all we can do. Our therapist wasnt happy at first at the wording of Trying but I then defended it. I am Always trying and working hard on my self. As long as I am tring, I havent givin up and above all effort and progress is always happening. Know what I mean. Progression is in place as long as I have constant movement in the most positive direction I can. Now it may take me a few tries and I may even fail alot of shit. but shouldnt I try? so I like where ur headed and the idea of only trying may fuck up some heads, but progress is progress. sometimes it may take longer than expected but u must go with ur own flow. by the way, what classes r u taking in June? Thinking of school again myself… even though its been awhile. Raising my son Bryan alone now that my partner passed in may 08. life has thrown me under but I WILL ALWAYS TRY. With that I always DO! take care and love to hear others r trying, like I am.
Jordan Pettibone
March 22, 2010
I started following your blog just recently. I watched Sex Rehab last year, and recall reading you had a blog. I’m happy I have found it. I find this experiment really awesome. I’m 2 years removed from school, and I used a Jansport style backpack. I think it’s awesome you are heading back to school. It took me a while, and I’m happy I did it.
Knock the Ivy Leaguers dead!
Meyhem
March 22, 2010
Congratulations on your valiant victory over airport security. Surely, E-Deezy is instructing you in the cunning ways of battle.
I have done a little research, and I now believe I know the truth. E-Deezy Is the OIC of the SATTF (Smurf Anti-Terrorism Task Force) I appologize for outing your boyfriend, but I applaud your courage in dating a smurf, especialy when you are fighting sociatal mores like that.
He probably hasen’t told you, but he is directly responcible for the historic defeat of the the Snorks at the second battle of Smurf Village. Yes your boyfriend, Vanity Smurf, is a great hero to all his people. You should be very proud of him.
Good luck with your speech at harvard. Or mabye just good skill.
Luck and Prayers
Meyhem
Tonya
March 22, 2010
Jennie,
Good for you! The fear of failure seems to guide so many decisions and chosen paths in our lives. In order to not feel disappointment, we will give up and try and keep the “control” of the situation.
Don’t be too hard on yourself for taking a break from school, some people are meant to be students later in life. I went back a year and a half ago to get my MBA and I will tell you, am getting my money’s worth. I am a dedicated student now and learning so much that is sticking with me as I have been in the “real world” working and can apply it to what I have experienced. Had I attended in my 20’s, I am 36 now, I don’t think it would have meant as much. And I have met people that I know I will be friends with long after we graduate.
I have enjoyed reading your blog and have noticed a change in both your outlook on life and in your writing. Your posts over the past few months seem to be very well thought out and you are developing your own style.
Looking forward to reading future posts.
T
Stacey
March 22, 2010
That’s hilarious about the Jansport backpacks! I was watching New Moon the other day and Bella was wearing one. I was thinking the same thing. 🙂 Good luck at Harvard, I’m sure you’ll be brilliant. God bless.
TheKid420
March 22, 2010
Jebus Christ I hate airports. I have a lot of empathy for you on this. O’Hara was the worst one I have ever been through, Detroit the best.
I very much look forward to your thoughts on the Ivy League. A very interesting group of people.
I miss school. A lot of times I think about going back to get a Masters. I wish while I was there I didn’t have to be working all the time but what are you going do.
Good luck with the lecture love, hope everything goes smooth.
Bob Roberts
March 22, 2010
Did you check out the works of Henry Darger? I emailed you but I guess you flaked out of replying. Good luck anywayz!
David LaPlante
March 22, 2010
Is there any possibility the general public would be able to hear you speak at harvard it may be interesting to hear.
Toni
March 22, 2010
Well, sounds like my life….barely make it by the skin of your teeth, if at all. I almost got left in ATL a few years ago and im from a small town so the airport was in itself was intimidating compared to home….but i made it….barely. Well congrats on school! And best of luck at Harvard….you will be and are amazing and I just finished school so i think you’ll be just fine with the Jansport…lol. You are a true inspiration.
Wendy
March 22, 2010
Go, sweetpea, go. You make me smile.
Johnny
March 23, 2010
Hey,Jennie! It’s great to see u go back to school. I’m glad that u r getting ur life back 2gether.
James
March 23, 2010
Jennie, It’s nice to hear of the small success stories in your life. They all add up to a large success story. Thanks for sharing.
Tony
March 23, 2010
The reason I love your story and this blog is because of its positivity. For you to be able to find it and keep it in your life is a true testament to your character, and one that I deeply respect and admire.
Wonderful post, as always. This one really hits home for me, since I recently made the same observation about my own life. My marriage ended recently, and as I took inventory on my life, I was pretty shocked when I realized that I had very little to be proud of. Among a number of issues, I’ve always struggled with my weight (if by “struggle” you mean “totally didn’t care about it”), so shortly after the separation, I began working to lose weight, just so I could feel better about life going forward. Nearly 8 months and 63 lost pounds, and I’m the lightest I’ve ever been in over 14 years. All I had to do was try. Now I feel more confident that I can achieve whatever I set out to do.
Again, love this blog, Jennie. I find it very inspiring, and gives me some much-needed support through my own journey. I will continue to read for as long as you continue to write. Best wishes to you!
HCE
March 23, 2010
This was a nicely put-together post. I don’t have anything to add, but the tension between “flustery huff” and “must, at the very least, try” struck a familiar chord. So thanks for writing it.
Patsy
March 23, 2010
Jennie, your blog has become my first Internet stop of the day, because it always inspires me. “Well, you have to try” is gonna be my mantra this week. Thanks for posting this…
jon
March 23, 2010
keep the faith j! good luck and god bless
Lance
March 23, 2010
Son of a, man that sucks when you hear something to the effect of You are at the WRONG place. Jennie you are so right about looking back at the times when you saw the easy way out and it did seem so much easier. I have done that too, just not for quite a while. I learned my lesson when I was fired from a job. They told my dad that I did not seem to be trying very hard or applying myself. That has never happened since then and it was thirty years ago.
You have spent most of the past year pushing through those little points where you would have taken the easy way out and look where it has led you already. Dance classes that you thought you might do well in anymore since you had not taken one in years. Going back to college armed with the renewed knowledge of why you did not do your best before and determined to succeed.
And now going to a major college to give a lecture. Girl you have certainly taken a turn for the better in every way. A healthy relationship. Taking better care of Jennie and a life now headed in a great direction.
You are getting better than yourself, hugs.
Tarik Scott
March 23, 2010
I’ve had my fair share of airport frustration, like when my Detroit-Atlanta connecting flight was late and I missed the plane to Wichita, KS. I had an 8-hour layover in Atlanta. Not fun.
But I really feel your statement about being successful at something if you try. A lot of people don’t even get that far.
Ghost
March 23, 2010
Dear God you are beautiful. You know, I’m reading this entry like it was my horoscope or something. The circumstances around my even finding it are…strange. But it couldn’t be more relevant, or life-saving, to me, right now, this moment.
Thank you for being you. Thank you for existing, for travelling this hard, hard road. Thank you for surviving, and most of all, for learning about all this, and for putting these words into the future where I could find them.
I cannot at this moment think of anything I needed quite as badly. Job, money, yeah yeah, need that.
Needed to hear someone say this more than those.
Thank you.
Robin
March 23, 2010
You can only be your best! Don’t worry about comparing yourself to other people, and as long as you try your best, then you be fulfilled. I try to live by that mantra everyday, and I find it works well! Glad it is working for you too!
Kristin
March 23, 2010
I’m looking forward to hearing you speak tonight. Don’t be nervous, you’ll do great!
Liz
March 23, 2010
You GO GIRL! Keep tryin. 🙂 Congrats on going back to school.
Tom
March 23, 2010
Oh– I saw a poster on campus (Harvard) yesterday but I couldn’t tell from the poster if you were actually going to be here, or if it was some kind of talk/seminar about you. (Even though it has your picture on it.) Welcome to Cambridge!
Jennifer :D
March 23, 2010
You are a gifted and talented woman. This blog is about your growth, and yet I am sure that reading your words has inspired a huge amount of growth in myself. So thank you 😉
Keep it up Jennie. You are truly an inspiration…even to “normal” people without addictions.
steve
March 23, 2010
What are your classes? You are an inspiration and I am really happy for you! You seem to have your life together and I’m extremely happy for you!
J.
March 23, 2010
Yeah…they still wear JanSport backpacks… 😀 Not to worry.
Pete Schult
March 23, 2010
Thanks for the inspiration. I’m kinda agnostic on how powerful positive thinking is in changing situations all by itself, but it does seem to be an ingredient in the mix that as a whole does end up changing things.
Martin Anthony
March 23, 2010
The best part of your introspective posts so far is how SMART you come off as being. More super-powers! I also enjoy the familiar West Coast turn of phrasing you use, which is a lot like how other people I know say things, including me. Best of luck at Harvard; knock ’em dead! 😀
jenna
March 23, 2010
What are you going back to school for?
Rekha Kaula
March 23, 2010
Your observations touched me because – YEAH – all the things I (Rekha) could’ve done if the finishing had been more important to me than the joint, the fear… Like so many of us out here in Cyberword your blog has touched me and inpired me, Jennie. Thanks for that. Remember to take a deep breath before you speak and take a moment to look out before your audience. You’ve got an important viewpoint here in 2010 as we stand in a morass of people worshipping avarice. You’re taking your performing art talents to a brand new level and I’m so proud of you. So few media stars dare become real, let alone dare to talk about their addiction to the fast life and it’s toll. Thanks and thanks again.
Mike
March 23, 2010
Your posts are often a high point in my day. Thanks for writing, and best of luck to you!
Jonathan
March 23, 2010
I don’t know if here is appropriate, but I saw this on “The View”‘s site and had to share.
Chris Brown
March 23, 2010
Good luck @ Harvard. I too will be returning to the classroom shortly, but it won’t be my 1st time going back there. Anyways, Just Relax & you’ll do fine 🙂
TS
March 23, 2010
I feel what you’re saying.
I was going to write something else, but I think that pretty much says exactly how I feel.
Todd
March 23, 2010
so in what direction you moving your life in to. hmmm you can help pull some of the other girls out of that ind. i am at a tough point in my life ATM all so. loosing my house in less than a week. i have to move out in the morning. :~( i wish you well in your new adventure. remember wen one door closes another door opens.
[f]
March 23, 2010
nice work jennie! airports are so crazy, nice work on keeping it together. and keep updating the blog, there’s lots of us following along online!
bzuckerkorn
March 23, 2010
Jennie, this entry made me laugh out loud. Maybe it’s because I’m in a similar pickle with my undergrad education. I left my college half a year ago because I didn’t feel like I was trying at all and I didn’t know how to move myself to care about anything and make any effort. I felt like a giant waste of time. At the lowest points, I felt completely lifeless and directionless. A lot of times I would trap myself with unnecessary questions and thoughts like “what’s the point?” or “I can do this if I wanted to” and etc. You get my idea. They were all excuses.
But I really like what you said about how we are successful in life until we decide to quit trying. I think that’s true. We have no idea what is around the corner and that in itself is awesome. Endless surprises and opportunities every second we live! I know how it’s easy to dread Mondays or getting up each morning for work or school in general. But I try to remind myself of an awesome poster that had the an amazing and inspiring view of a sunrise coupled with the line, “Somewhere out there, someone’s Monday morning looks like this. Could be you.”
I’ve applied as a transfer student to a few different schools and I’ll be back to try it all over again this fall. And this time, I’m determined to not stop trying and see it to the end.
To answer your question – yes, college kids still wear Jansport backpacks. It’s not as common as it used to be but backpacks are backpacks and students still use them!
Oh and also, check out the song “Try” by “Sweatshop Union” if you haven’t already. Perfect for this occasion! And congrats on making the flight and going off to speak at Harvard! That’s really something!
firstverb
March 24, 2010
Miss Jennifer,
As long as I can conceive something better than myself I cannot be easy unless I am striving existence or clearing the way for it.” – George Bernard Shaw
Have a glorious day
Matt
March 24, 2010
Hey Jennie. I just started reading your blog, and I think it’s great that you are starting to grow as a person. There’s been many times in my life where I’ve just given up on something because I was afraid of failure. I’ve also suffered from anxiety for a long time. Your stories are very inspirational to me. I’ve also been following your journey on Sex Rehab. I’ve only seen a little bit of your adult stuff, and even though you were in ‘character’ your real personality seemed to shine through, and that kind of genuine spirit is rare these days and it really set you apart from other girls. You seem like a very cool person and I’m happy for you in your new life. You deserve it!
Michael
March 24, 2010
Glad you got on you plane.
I love optimists.
They’re so easy to laugh at when things go rwong (sic).
Nothing gets done unless someone believes in the project, action, whatever.
Then again, sometimes nothing gets done BECAUSE someone believes in the project….too much.
Matt
March 24, 2010
This reminds me why I hate flying with a passion.
Rock on you’re speaking at Harvard!!!
Study hard in June, but if you abandon us, we will cry.
Take care.
Aaron
March 24, 2010
You are such a great person and have brought to little a addiction that many people didn’t believe was real. Thank You
firstverb
March 24, 2010
Miss Jennifer,
I had another thought on you friends’ possible vocation.
He had another name once but that was long ago back before the horrific jungle gym accident. He was called E-Deezy, at first mainly by friends and family but increasingly by everyone who came across this boy stricken with vertigo. This young man not able to stand took up the ancient art of millinery. As he mastered his craft, women came from across the globe to acquire the ultimate status symbol. Weather it be a beret, pillbox or fedora there was nothing quite like an E-Deezy original. With all the accolades and adoration from his adoring public he still felt incomplete. Using his immense accumulated wealth he set out to find a cure for his disorder. And in time had also acquired the knowledge and skills to become a world renowned otolaryngologist. Yet still a cure defeated him. However increasingly desperate to solve his problem he started taking risks, one evening while experimenting with sea anemones in his home lab he was stung and in a fit of unbridled rage he bit the sea creature, as the venom surged through his body he was momentary relieved of his affliction and had the overwhelming feeling of total invulnerability. Thus begins the story of, a maker of women’s hats, an ear nose and throat doctor, and of the ultimate hero, “Vertigo Man.”
There are so many different and various possibilities, why does he even need a job, a calling, or career. He is your friend through fights, fits and spats, good times and bad. And isn’t just being your friend over the years enough of a job.
From reading your tweets you seem to be having a great time in Boston. I hope you have a safe trip home and look forward to reading of your many adventures in that far off land.
Have a glorious day.
marisa
March 25, 2010
Go Jennie Go!!!!!
You fucking rule.
Your bravery is a beautiful gift to share with us so THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
Melissa
March 26, 2010
Jennie,
When I read the line “We are successful in life until we quit trying”, I had an Oprah “Aha Moment”. Seriously amazing–you are totally right! How ironic it is that the act of trying seems so simple yet is so hard to do. Thank you for reminding me that I’ll never be “better” if I don’t TRY to be! Your blog made a difference in my life today!
brokeassbitch
March 28, 2010
“Trying” sounds like a weak word when the effort is unrecognized, yet it is where every success starts.
George
March 30, 2010
Yourself is okay…no need for more.
;-]