Already to hump day, it seems this week, she is a flying by. Monday was a bit of a fiasco, as it was supposed to be, but you were all right, and I did make it through. On campus, ready for class by 7:30am, sitting in on the 8:00am Physics class. Trying to crash an Anthropology course, failing miserably along with 45 other students who had the same intentions. Perhaps I should clarify somethings for the reader here, as there seems to be some confusion as to why I am even attempting to join these courses.
When I was at SDSU, I was a business major. I had met all the general education requirements to go on and be a junior as a business major, and the obvious happened. I fell in love with the party scene, became more involved with pornography (which made attending class difficult, quite the commute from San Diego State to Chatsworth Cali), and ended up dropping out of SDSU entirely with 56 credits completed. However, as those courses were geared toward the Bachelors in Business, and not Psychology, and as I was at a State school, and not a University of California, there are some additional classes I must take to fulfill the general education requirements for my selected major.
Now you may be thinking, why physics? Like Paul C commented, Physics is not quite as scary as it’s name makes it sound. In fact, I aced my high school Physics course, set the curve for the class, and excel in area’s where I can visually understand what we are doing mathematically. Another example is Geometry. I did incredibly well in high school Geometry, received the underclassmen Geometry Award from Campolindo as a sophomore. I am a very good student all around, and even if the Physics course I am trying to crash were calculus based, I would not worry as much as I would taking a pure Calculus course because the lab part of the class, in addition to the teachers style of lecturing- already he is standing on tables, dropping shit to the ground- makes it very easy to learn. Aside from that, I am not showing up stoned, which really interferes with my ability to process and comprehend numerical problems, and I am excited for it, which makes me want to understand it.
Again, some may be thinking “Why is Physics even required for a Psych major?” I didn’t decide it should be required, haha, if I had my way it would be all psychology courses. The schools I am trying to get into require these courses, UCLA and UC Berkeley are both science-based research schools, so it makes sense the IGETC (Intersegmental General Education Transfer Curriculum) would require some of these more primary science classes. IGETC provides a list of courses we can choose from, and we select which will best fit our needs/personalities/abilities. If I intended upon going to Cal State Northridge, I’d take a bit more fluffy classes, more Humanities-based. But I’ve already done the state school thing. And while taking fluffy classes sounds fun, it doesn’t sound challenging. I want to be challenged. I believe doing so will make me a better person. I am going to reserve my more fluffy classes for the minor, which I’m debating on right now. Contemplating a Women’s Studies minor, thinking it would be interesting to learn more about my gender, and the academic side of the life I live.
For instance, when I spoke at Harvard, kids told me they’d heard tons of lectures about how Pornography effects the viewer/audience/culture. Very few, if any, had lectured on how participating in pornography effects the actual person. There is a ton of academic feminist blah blah about what roles women play in the industry, whether they are consciously deciding to sell their bodies, should have that right etc. But very little about how it effects the women in the industry, as researched by a woman in the industry. I would like to be a part of that. Part of creating or adding to a new line of research where the women in the industry can actually have a voice in the academic world. But, one thing at a time, little Jennie. Lets just focus on this semester.
So Monday was brutal. I find out tomorrow morning if I get into the Physics course. There were nine students trying to crash the course, four spaces, so the teacher did a lotto and pulled names from a box. My name was called fifth. So if I show up tomorrow, and someone has decided that Physics is just not for them, I am the first one in after that first lotto cut off. It will be a brutal Thursday morning because tonight I am working till 2:00am, and the class starts at 8:00. I only have to stay for roll, stayed for the lab earlier this week. So I will know by 9:00am whether or not I am in the class. Either way, I’ve surrendered to the powers higher than myself. If I get in, it is something I can handle, as we are not given more than we can handle. If I don’t, it allows me to focus on the two classes I am already enrolled in. Which is also good.
My psychology course seems awesome so far. We’ve only had the opening day, but as soon as the class started, the professor began lecturing about how “If this is your semester from hell, this course is not for you.” She did everything in her power to make the room aware that this would not be a floating class- this is not a class you can come to without doing the reading or homework, and expect to make it through. Which excites me. I am looking for a class that is fully engaged. An actual community where learning and growth is fostered, instead of pushed along through the academic machine. I want to be challenged on my ideas, I want to interact with not only the teacher, but also the students around me, and I want to learn. It feels like it will be a good class for this.
So there it is. It’s so funny because I do feel like a kid again, another comment that had been left. I feel like this is the first real time around and that I am capable of deciding and creating my future. I feel present and accountable, which will dovetail into good grades and success in my studies. Most of all I feel ready and willing to ask for help. Which changes the entire structure of this incredible journey. So here we go. All together now. Flying into the conclusion of this first week with a smile and tired eyes. Big things my friends, big beautiful things.
pragmatic realist
September 1, 2010
Maybe, despite your plans, you will get into Physics so well, you would decide to be a physicist, or a biologist or anthropologist, or etc etc. Wouldn’t that be a kick in the butt?
Jas
September 1, 2010
Hi Jennie, Just a supportive note to encourage you to follow your dreams and be open to change as necesary to reach your goals. And if you fall down, simply be compassionate to yourself and pick yourself up again, and continue on. This from someone with a similar background who went on to get a masters degree in life science and become a teacher.
Stephers
September 1, 2010
Reading your insightful writings can completely turn my day around. Thank you for being awesome!
John Cargo
September 1, 2010
This sounds like history in the making. 🙂 Best of luck to you.
Jason
September 1, 2010
Being a college freshman, I was debating whether or not to take some “fluffy” classes, but after reading this blog, I know I made the right decision taking a bunch of sophomore classes.
And that was a really cool video btw. Where did you get it?
Zephyr
September 1, 2010
Great attitude! As the old saying goes, “Be Here Now”.
Jon
September 1, 2010
Love the Video. Of course, you realize that when you achieve your Doctorate and enter teaching, their will be some smart-ass kid in class watching your videos on his Iwatch. LOL. Just a thought. You Rock!!!!
Stewart
September 2, 2010
Hi Jennie great blog and I am glad you got through your first day unscathed lol. Now you are like the young eagle who has just tasted flight for the first time. You dont quite know where your flight will take you but you know you were born to take that journey anyway and you will rise to the challenge. I have no doubt that you are going to be a great success in whatever you do. Sure there will be days that you may have your doubts but as long as you surround yourself with the right people(as you seem to be doing). they will help guide you through. God Bless and I hope you get on the Physics course.
Greg
September 2, 2010
Hi Jennie,
WOW!!!First of all, I have been a lurker for a long, long time. Just like I have done with my own children, I watch them from a distance and never intercede. Life is a journey we must all take on our own. As hard as I wish it, I can’t want a good life for them bad enough to cause them to want to do it. They have to choose that path.
I must admit, I feel like a proud daddy. You are so incredibly amazing. As I have posted before, my wife and I both hold advanced degrees and your ideas to research the field of pornography, the effects, the views etc… blew us both away.
That is an incredibly fascinating idea and I expect that you could be on the verge of some land mark research.
I grew up in a small town in the Bible belt and just the very idea causes me to want to ask so many questions, examine the variables, the why, the how and so on. AWESOME,AWESOME,AWESOME.
Remember to smile as much as you can and as often as you can and love everybody. For we are here but just for a little while.
So proud of you and for you!!!
P.S. I am going to use the asking Jennie email and send you a sad wonderful true story about a little girl. I don’t want to share it with the world, only you.
monky
September 2, 2010
u must keep showing up to the class!!! visit the teachers during office hrs and express ur ambition, get them to sign the add slip there. pre read the days chapter and if the teacher calls on the class be first to volunteer with something smart. continue to be the most persistent u’ll get what u want!!! thats how I did it!!!
Dave
September 2, 2010
Jennie your story is awesome and the storys from your life give everything a level of authenticity. Go ahead with your bad self.
Invisible Mikey
September 2, 2010
Physics is quite useful and important in Psychology because the imaging modalities most used for documentation of cognitive process or conditions AFFECTING (word usage/spelling hint) the brain rely on manipulation of frequencies and temperature to produce better pictures. Doctors, nurses, techs and even medical assistants must know some physics in order for the PET and MRI scans their patients get to make any sense in the process of diagnosis and treatment. Physics-based imaging is rapidly approaching the day when consciusness-mapping will be a standard part of psychological exams.
(I’m an imaging tech when not blogging and I wrote a series of posts about my years of training in clinics and hospitals.)
Whatever destination you arrive at ultimately, it all sounds good Jenny. You are seeking paths of service to others and treating yourself honestly and with more compassion than before. That positive intent coupled with consistency of action will benefit all your endeavors. Regards from the Olympic Peninsula!
andrew
September 3, 2010
Thanks for sharing your life with us. I graduated from business school five years ago and realized that I grinded my way through it just to get through it. As I find myself on the doorstep of being 30, I wish I could go back in time to experience college the way it should be experienced and studied what I wanted to study. It’s amazing what five years of the corporate world does to you to make you realize that money doesn’t buy happiness. These will be some of the best years of your life and as someone who was all about the destination, I will live the journey vicariously through you.
zenomax
September 3, 2010
This is absolutely wonderful how your life is turning out. I can not help but draw a parallel with Eric Clapton’s biography where, as he kicked his alcohol and drug addictions, his life was getting so normal that towards the end of the book I became really bored and struggled to finish it. The thing here is that normal is good, you will not know how to cherish this state until you have been in the darkness.
Lane
September 3, 2010
Hey Jennie welcome to world of academia. It’s my home and I love it here! Good luck in everything, I know you will excel since you have the hang of studying without being high.
Bimmer
September 3, 2010
Your new attitude is really impressing. Hearing from you that humanities are fluffy as opposed to physics is pretty cool. It’s interesting what you are doing now in your life and I hope you can continue along this way.
Big D
September 3, 2010
Just wanted to say thanks. My life has been in quite a lot of upheaval over the last 8 months. You have given me a great deal of perspective on my situation, brought me back down to earth. I suppose opposite of the totally awesome video you posted. I’ve spent the last two days reading your blog, and it’s comments from the beginning until present. You’ve made me vow to make some very important changes in my life, ones that my wife will most certainly appreciate. You spoke occasionally of being numb – numb is what I have been since December of last year. Hopefully I’ll be able to re-sensitize myself to life at present. Thanks, Jennie.
Tom
September 3, 2010
Hi Jenny,
I found your blog surfing the net. The most recent blog relating your experience with choosing courses I found especially interesting. I too have returned to college after 20 years away. There are many electives we choose along the way and if physics interests you than that is the course you should take. It is funny that you brought up women’s studies as this was a course that I chose to fill a transfer curriculum requirement. What I did not expect was for that class to change my life. It was the most enlightening course I have ever taken and I am 45 years old. We spent many days discussing pornography and its effects and also listed to a few speakers and films. One of the biggest things I did learn in Women’s Studies was letting your voice be heard. Pursuing it as a minor would clearly fit with your psychology degree and the insights you could offer into the effects of pornography could and most likely help countless people both addicts and performers as well as viewers. “Be the change you want to see in the world”. Gandhi
Victror
September 4, 2010
Carl Sagon’s not dead, he just smells funny.
Interesting look at time/space continuum. God there are a lot of buggers out there on Terra Fir-ma. Personally I avoid crowds, particularity obnoxious one, but you gotta partake the the good with the less than.. Jeanie, have not been hear in a long long time, and like a cozy pair of warm slippers, I put them on and feel like no on can harm me. Thanks for the use of the slippers. I sprayed them with this heavenly talc and the put in an Oder eater so at least they won’t blame me!Keep up being my muse. I really helps
mike
September 4, 2010
The most important thing you do at college is become an ‘educated person’. The reason why physics is in so many curriculums is that knowing some basic college level physics is part of being an educated person.
Petie
September 4, 2010
Good luck. I was a Computer Engineering student for the first 3 years of my 7 year undergraduate experience. Physics was hideous, but I went to Virginia Tech, and the dude teaching physics for CpEs was especially brutal. 5 question tests, no partial credit. If you get in, I know you can do it. Good luck getting in.
Victror
September 4, 2010
Ok, were small, we are dust, we are non-things and only are we ‘things’ when we are with other non things. They we all get depressed about it, or jump up and down with joy that we are not alone. Me, I watched expecting nudity. tastefully done, but nudity none -the – less. There’s just not enough of it lately. Show some nudity next time and bring a smile and good cheer to all…And remember, sometimes when you’re really consitpated, it takes a good physix to get it all clear again. Just a thought.
Invisible Mikey
September 4, 2010
Besides enjoying this update, I appreciate the link to the Powers of Ten film. The Eames who made the film were the same people who designed furniture. Artists can dig science.
Also, physics is key to MRI and PET scans, the closest thing we now have to mapping consciousness. These exams are becoming increasingly important in identifying diseases and abnormal conditions affecting the brain such as schizophrenia, autism and dementia. All who work in Psychology will need to understand how these tests work.
jack lopez
September 5, 2010
hey jennie… i was at work (i work in health care) and walked in on a patient (an elderly lady in her 70s) that was watching the view. i look up at the tv and saw, “that’s penny flame”… and she says, “you know who she is?” i tell her yes and ask her how she knew you… then she smiles and says, “i’m gonna miss her”. good luck j.
roadmaster46
September 6, 2010
u must learn from last life and think in new life but iwant know u found happenes? i love u
camel
September 6, 2010
Jennie, look after Duncan a little.
Chicago
September 7, 2010
Hi Jennie – You Go Girl – I was an adult student – its hard, but you can do it. The rewards are worth it. I will say a little prayer for you. – Chicago
firstverb
September 7, 2010
Miss. Jennifer,
I’m so sorry I missed it, please forgive me. Happy 17 month & 5 month anniversaries. Hope your sickness goes away soon. At least you have a wonderful live in nurse, to take care of your every need. Be well Miss.
Have a glorious day.
Karen
September 8, 2010
OMG! I just logged on and see that you are blogging again. Welcome back. I have to get caught up. How exciting that you are in school. I know you will do great Jennie!
Rager
September 8, 2010
Damn do I know what you’re going through. Started my college career back in 2003 as a Bio-Chem major. Went 3 years into that major until I realized it wasn’t for me, took a semester off and decided to switch to Film. Fast forward to now and I am finally finishing the last class necessary for me to graduate. It’s been such a long journey. I’m already in entertainment industry at this point, so just finishing up to get the damn bachelor’s. Helps being able to take the last class online while still being able to go to work everyday working on the show I’m with. So you’re not alone. I know you’ll do great with everything, Jennie. Rooting for ya.
Lance
September 8, 2010
Jennie, this does sound right up your alley. As you said you have already went through the whole I know how to study without really trying and know the results. This time you WILL kick ass and really make progress towards your goal. I have every faith you will succeed at this new/old obstacle. And yes there has been study after study regarding the viewers of porn and how it affects them. A study into the performers and how they came to be in the industry might open some eyes. You have helped me understand how some things beget others.
Philip
September 9, 2010
I graduated from CAL about 3 years ago and it’s weird that they require you to take physics for psychology. All my friends who were psych majors only had to take biology classes for their science pre-reqs. Perhaps because the major became impacted around 2004/2005 they’ve changed their pre-reqs.
firstverb
September 9, 2010
Miss Jennifer,
By the attached video, I’m assuming you went to see the Powers of Ten exhibit at the Eames Office. Was it depressing in how insignificant we are in the grandness of everything? What I gleaned is that there is so much seemingly nothingness in the vastness all around, how amazing is it when we make a connection with someone else on this speck in the cosmos. I hope you are over your illness, and that school and work aren’t slowly sucking your life away. Obey your nurse, he’ll get you better. Be well dear lady.
Have a glorious day.
firstverb
September 15, 2010
Miss Jennifer, Can you please delete this post. It isn’t very positive, I’m sorry. Hope your day is wonderfully happy, and that you infect the world around you with your contagious smile.
TJ
September 10, 2010
Jennie!
Just stumbled onto your blogsphere from Waiter Rant and wanted to say that you are an amazing woman who has shown great courage, faith, and strength in all the changes you are making in your choice to live each day intentionally!
Hang in there when things are tough at college. You now know you can make it through tough and difficult times and enjoy the sweetness on the other side.
TJ
Mike D
September 12, 2010
Hi Jennie:
I took a break from reading your blog around the time you took a break from writing it.
I had a peek again at it yesterday for the first time since May and I’m so happy to read that you’ve gone back to study.
I think I mentioned ages ago that I entered university as a mature student aged 30, and eventually took my studies through to PhD level.
Anyway, I wish you all the very best in your studies!
As I’m sure you’ve twigged, there are two ways of approaching subjects like Psychology: from a scientific angle and from a Humanties angle; different schools emphasise different approaches.
Since Psychology and related subject areas are inherently interdisciplinary, either approach is equally valid: the scientific approach is indeed more “rigorous” when viewed from a certain angle; the Humanities approach is probably more imaginative and lateral-thinking.
I’d advise you to read around the broad subject area in your own time, taking in its different sub-disciplines (psycholinguistics, organisational psychology, cognitive psychology, clinical psychology, psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, behavioural, humanistic or counceling psychology, &ct, &ct, &ct).
Some areas will probably fascinate you, others might be big no-nos. You should also then get some idea of which approach to the subject suits you, scientific or humanities, and which subjects might be good as minors.
Then look at the course modules that different schools offer, the overall approach of the school, possible minors &ct., and decide accordingly.
I liked very much your comments on Augustine back in July. Augustine’s “Confessions” have been a big influence on me, and one day I’d like to write in a similar way about my life.
“Confessions” taught me what true “confessional” literature is, that “confessions” could mean something other than scam, gossip, titillation and tittle-tattle.
Augustine’s “Confessions” are a true spiritual biography of the heart, the story of a journey, the story of one man’s coming-into-being in a way that is spiritually and existentially authentic. I especially admire the almost forensic way he analyses his motivations. So few of us are inclined to do that. But he does it fearlessly, with a beguiling honesty.
Yes, Augustine is very much one of the “Fathers” of Christianity as we know it today. But you don’t have to share his Catholic faith (I do) in order learn from his what true confession, and the literature of confession, is.
Steve-O
September 12, 2010
I was served well by taking the more challenging courses. The transition to the UC was a breeze.
Though there was one course which would have fulfilled a higher IGETC requirement. It involved a summer semester trip to Yosemite. So I worried that it would have “looked less serious” on college applications.
This somehow made sense in my 18 yr old brain.
Anyway, rock on with the challenging courses. They pay off. Just don’t badmouth the fun ones.
Kevin
September 13, 2010
Hi! I’m a first year grad student at the University of Toledo in Ohio and I just came upon your blog and must say that it’s so great to hear you are doing well. Having been in a fraternity during undergrad, I found out from a couple of friends who you were. I’m glad to hear that things are going well with your life and that things are on the up and rising in your life. Good luck with the rest of the semester and know that if you need help, the rest of the community and I are willing to help! take care
vastauniverse
September 15, 2010
The one thing about education is they can never take that away from you. Whatever knowledge you gain is yours for the keeping! I wnet to college, found myself learning to love writing. I was originally a business major. I was gonna go into the family business and become a Stock Broker (Thank god, I changed my mind. Look at the market these days). I found myself reading great books daily and learning how to write in my own voice. I became a writer in college! Good luck to you Jennie!
Jarni
September 17, 2010
I’m a Physics student… in the oldest university in the world(founded in 1088 AD): Alma Mater Studiorum in Bologna, Italy. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/University_of_Bologna
Well… GOOD LUCK.
Rob P.
October 3, 2010
Your voice for the women of the industry idea sounds great! The dialogue on it all often ends up kinda black and white, turning everyone into two-dimensional character… it’d be nice to know how some of the women navigate the complexities and paradoxes, and maybe what they are surprised to discover in themselves, in others…
One thing at a time though, charge on!
Chris G
October 12, 2010
Hey there. I just stumbled across this blog. I’d never seen or heard of the Oprah episode or sober house, but I did know who Penny Flame was. I think what you’re doing is a nice thing, mostly for yourself but it’s a good story too.
Thought I’d add myself as another story about adults going back to school. I’m about halfway thru changing careers. I’m going into medicine and I’ve got about 20 months left. In this economy, unconventional students are a pretty common occurrence. Don’t sweat the small stuff and remember that you’ve lived a whole ‘nother life compared to the kids. Most of them are pretty sheltered and they don’t know much.
Keep on keepin’ on. Good luck.