Taking a thirty minute break forty minutes past midnight makes me smile. There is something intrinsically splendid about the fact that once I clock in again, I’ve only fifty minutes till closing time. One last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer…
I’ve started to settle into the dusty life that is the school, work, breathe, love hullabaloo. Mondays are so full they feel crushing. Tuesday is for work. Wednesday for thinking. Thursday, for color and the bending of light. Friday funk day with the “fill in the blank” English teacher. I cannot change her. In fact, reading over the various comments from my last post here reminded me just how much I need to change in order to deal with her. This is a common thing in school apparently, from writing papers that echo our teacher’s lectures to studying the mindless details that amount to nothing other than easily graded tests, and probably not the last time I encounter such a teacher. She has her students grade the tests while we are sitting in class. I write, “CB (corrected by) Jennie Ketcham.” Usually in purple ink. She likes when the color we grade with is different than the color they’ve written the incorrect answers with. Kind of a shameful practice to take part in, this voyeuristic journey into the success and failures of my classmates. F’s ran rampant in this last quiz about Hedda. Now that I’ve figured out how to study for her insane little exam, I got an A. 95%. Not an A+, but we are working our way there. I realized the secret to taking the test is to ask her what she means. If question one is fuzzy, then I ask for clarity. I’ve never been good at asking for help and I suppose this shouldn’t be any different. Ahh help.
Mr. Man and I have been experiencing some issues at home… not with our relationship, but with the actual physical home. There were a good six days we went without power in the kitchen. Two solid weeks of flickering lights and messages to our landlord that were never returned. Finally, Mr. Man demanded a professional electrician to come check out the grounds, and they hired this man named Rudy, who showed up two hours late and then proceeded to verbally abuse Mr. Man on the phone. Mr. waited and waited, and when Rudy was a no show after an hour and a half, Mr. went to work like the rest of the world. Finally we hired our own electrician. Turns out the wiring that has been split from the front home to ours is not up to code– it is encased in this tubing that is not waterproof, and there are tons of exposed wires on the roof. We demanded these problems be fixed. We also demanded our own mailbox. And hired a mold inspector. Mr. Man’s sickness, coupled with my own bout of bronchitis that is still lingering, raised our suspicion about toxic mold so we hired a mold inspector. We have dry walls, which is excellent news, but the electrical problems and lack of a mailbox remain. For the time being. We will give them 30 days. Like good tenants.
Standing up for my needs has been another difficult thing for me. I always like to think, “I’m fine,” in fact I say it quite a bit, even when I’m not. So tonight, I stood up for my needs at work and asked to be promoted to a serving position. I sold two bottles tonight from my hostess stand. Both bottles were over $250.00 and I told my boss I am a saleswoman, I can sell the shit out of some delicious food and saucy booze, and with the holidays coming up I would love to be on the serving staff. He seemed into it. I even told him, in a moment of absolute “I’m fine” weakness, that I wouldn’t need to always be a server, I could do the hostess thing too. He laughed and said if the owner gives me the green to serve, they wouldn’t be demoting me to mere hostess again. Which made me laugh. This is what my hurdles have become. Totally normal, standard, every day hurdles. So I wait. And see. More will be revealed.
And lastly, the proposal is officially out of my hands and into the capable hands of my sweet sweet literary agent. She goes on her marriage/honeymoon trip for the next month, and soon as she’s back its off to publishers and hustle hustle hustle. She worried that I would be pissed we weren’t sending it out before her special, once-in-a-lifetime-hopefully, love-fest trip, and I told her I have enough on my plate right now to keep me busy. A very full plate. With some tasty kogi tacos and kimchee french fries on the side. I think October will be a tasty month. Which is good. Because I am hungry. And ready to eat.
Becoming Jennie 
Davy
September 25, 2010
“…I told my boss I am a saleswoman,”
I thought you were an actress that has the skill to play a saleswoman?
Greg
September 25, 2010
Hi Jennie,
My heart leaps for you and Mr. Man each time you post of your journey in life. The cool part is, no short cuts this time around. You are sober, a girlfriend, a student, a hostess, a waitress, a writer, a future researcher. Now that is cool!!
You will be like the rest of the educated world… I survived on pounds of tuna fish, sliced ham, hamburger helper and brown beans. For the life of me, I couldn’t do the Ramon noodle thing.
Absolutely fascinating to observe and read your posts as your lens of the world changes. I must confess, you and Mr. Man have handled the electrical issue far better than me.(my compliments to both of you for having way more class than me)
And OMG….if you think that this will be your only experience with a professor that stays on the bottom rung of Bloom’s you will be sadly disappointed. It seems that that was the way they were taught and that is they way they are comfortable teaching. However, as you observed on the last test, there were a lot of F’s. My best guess is that at 27(?) you are surrounded by 18, 19 and 20 year old’s that just don’t have your maturity and your lust for education.
The most fascinating point will be when you get to the point in academia, when you realize how little you actually know. I realized that when I took an entomology class and the professor was world renowned for his study of the mosquito. Yep, he had spent his entire life studying the lowly mosquito and still didn’t know all there was to know about the mosquito.
Remember to smile as often and as much as you can and if you get a chance make those around you smile as often and as much as you can. And love everybody. For we are here but a little while.
I am very proud of you and for you, at the end of each day when your head hits the pillow just make sure you lived that day passionately and sober and gave it your best. The rest will take care of itself.
Greg
Kevin
September 25, 2010
I’m happy to hear you’re embracing your new challenges and growing from them. New challenges can be trying, but its good to get out of our comfort zone every now and again.
pragmatic realist
September 25, 2010
You’re getting it! The key to the test game is to figure out what the teacher thinks is important, not what you think or what actually IS important.
When I give tests in my class I give out a list of “study questions” which is a list of the minimum list of things I want the students to have learned. I give this list out the week before the test, and I go over it in class. (This is an incentive for attendance.)
And then for the test I just hand out the “Study Question” sheet, with the title changed to “Mid Term Exam”. This way I can check and see that they have learned what I wanted them to learn without the game.
Believe it or not there are still people who give the wrong answers on the test, but I have done all I can for them.
rayne
September 25, 2010
I’m proud of you, Jenny. You’ve got a lot wrong with your apartment and the easy thing to do would be to go back to porn for the money, but you’re not. You’re sticking to it! Good for you!
rayne
rebecca
September 25, 2010
hope you get the promotion. Good luck.
Andrew Rager
September 25, 2010
Mmmm Kogi! Usually get the sliders. I really hope you get that promotion soon. I actually did the same thing at my job at the show I work on. Been in post but want to move to production mainly cause I know I can do more for the company. Hate being pigeon-holed. Also hope all your home issues get resolved. Ridiculous that you guys have to go through all that.
Zephyr
September 26, 2010
Living life on life’s terms. Good work, good job standing with flexibility when the wind blows.
Addictive Vic
September 26, 2010
Been a while Jeanster. Good to hear you’re working like all the rest of us out there. Work has it’s own theraputicies that surround it and bad or good, it’s usually more healthful than not. Good for you standing up for yourself. I used to save the tiny drop at the bottom of every Chateau La tour 1961 ($500 a bottle in 1982) and when I got enough drops, did a shot. I let it roll down from the tip of my tongue until it disappeared into the forest of taste-buds at the back. The planning, the saving and the ritual was worth it. Sounds like you have a full plate with school, work, mold chasers and spark arr esters, aka, electricians. Did you ever read The World According to Garth”. There was a delightful chapter about an encounter Garth has with an electrician (I think it was an electrician, “O’Fecto” maybe he was a plumber, but no matter) while Garth is out running. The guy was a real asshole, and it just seemed fitting here, (or not).
I’m so glad to hear you’re still around. Seems like years I’ve read you life online and I only did because I wanted to know who was the sexy girl behind the “Betty Boop” voice and sexy behind. The more I read, the more I realized I could have partied with you at sometime and had a blast. You are a blast, and I’m so happy you’ve decided to share. Thanks again, and the best to you always@
Victor
kent
October 11, 2010
heya,
glad to hear things are going well for you. from one teacher to a future one all i can say is keep it up. have your written a review of the electrician online that way no one hires the douche? my fiance and I had a similar issue a few weeks back with a pipe bursting in our bathroom and flooded the place (also got underneath the carpet) and when the plumber finally showed over 2 hrs late he wanted to give me lip, I let him fix the pipe before I gave him one hell of an earful. I think it’s a San Diego thing for people to show up on the job irritable LOL hope all is well and that your taking care, I will most definitely be checking up on the site, take care gorgeous.
L.C.
September 27, 2010
Dear Jennie,
Sounds like things are going well for you, nothing like land lord problems to test that hypothesis. What a process to go through – needs for fairness and being herd must have been severely challenged. What an effort to get the obvious recognized!
English teachers are a trip at least I always found then that way but even the most trying can become great friends (I still don’t like the profession). Still I hear you beating yourself up a bit but also guess that you are able to give yourself self-empathy. Changing from beating your self up to discovering what your unmet needs are, I find is really satisfying discovery. It is much easier to have acceptance when one can identify the source of the unease. The next step of course is to do the same for the other person and their needs.
I would guess it is rather hard for an English Professor who loves the written word to deal with students who could care less and skip the assignment or at best find it obtuse. What a “helpless” conundrum for her as her need “beauty” is not shared by those she teaches.
One would guess you can’t change this English class reality or the other parts of the paradigm like collage always being a grade trudge. Accepting that might go a long way to exploring your intellect and connections with others way beyond grades and conflicting styles.
But what you can change — is giving yourself and others lots of empathy. In seeing clearly both your; met and unmet needs, and other’s needs, or just by only guessing at other’s needs, things become much more simpatico and manageable. Who knows if you actually practice this with the Professor you might strike up a relationship. At least the odds for connection would be greatly improved.
Life is a jungle but a much more friendly one, if we empathize with our selves then others and don’t beat our selves up but learn from it all. Good luck Kid, LC
David
September 27, 2010
Jennie
As a Christian warrior i want to say that i am glad of everything that you have done over the past year. Getting away from the industry you will fine in the long run is beneficial to you. I am writing to you right now to say as a Christian Warrior that I pray for you and the people still trapt in the adult industry. I pray not that they leave the industry but that they will find someone that will fill there void that they try to fill with the industry. I just wanted to let you know that you are in my prayers
sending the love of a brother,
David R Nelsen
firstverb
September 27, 2010
Miss Jennifer,
Very glad to hear the house has no evil mold trying to kill you. Very sorry to hear that the electrical is still an issue. You really have been lucky, that you haven’t been injured. Hopefully it will be resolved soon.
Yes ma’am you indeed are a salesperson. I hope you get the promotion, yet it doesn’t seem to me to be a promotion. Seems you will be given more work, and much more will be expected from you. That coupled with everything else just sounds exhausting. But in this case it probably means more money, which is always a good thing. I hope you get it; you’ll not only succeed but will exceed all standards as you do with everything you put your mind to.
I pray that you and Mr. Man are soon fully recovered. I hope you have a productive week filled with good news, good grades, and lots of hugs from your love.
Have a glorious day.
tsdcs
September 27, 2010
I just made brownies. Regular brownies, the sober kind- which, by the way, are perfect as they are.
But they’re sitting in the oven right now, and they’ll have to be there for some time (still runny in the middle, if delicious). And the wait is killing me.
This has nothing to do with your post, at least not directly. I just felt like venting, and thought maybe you could relate.
Take care,
TS
Warner (aka ntsc)
September 28, 2010
As an electrical engineer, call the housing department.
Jennica
September 28, 2010
Yup. Way more rewarding than being an adored and infamous porn star. More exciting too.
Stephen
September 28, 2010
Ah, landlords…
…and kimchee french fries, interesting….:)
Hoosier
September 28, 2010
Gratifying, personally, to see that, with all your other distractions, you actually do read the responses to your blog posts. And gratifying to see that you’re still plugging away, however boring and wearying the work/school routine may seem. Wish I had had as many anonymous people pulling for my success when I was an undergraduate as you do here on your blog…. But we all treasure you and enjoy vicarious victories as we hear you tell of yours. Good going!
Anthony Riverside,CA
September 29, 2010
Just wanted to say how inspiring, funny and cool person you are. Reading about your life and what you have went through from childhood and the “business” drugs and up to now has literally made my eyes water up. I don’t know you of course but I feel proud of you for changing your life for the better. I really hope you do great things for yourself, never give up and be the best person you can be. I am 33 yr old male so I hope I didn’t sound like a pansy for saying i teared up, I’m a sensitive guy 🙂 Take care.
Melanie
September 29, 2010
I used to loathe professors who made potentially meaningful literature into unimportant busy-work. Now, I try to look at it as a challenge and value the difference in my perspective. Perhaps she wants easy grading, or maybe she thinks the exact content is equally as important as the theme and meaning behind it. Right now I have a statistics professor who dismisses the potentially amazing discussions that could take place in favor of tedious, mathematical data.
But it reminds me to look inward and to make sure my sobriety and serenity that is a welcome result of recovery is in place.
I love reading your blog, by the way. Even though people in recovery surround me in my life, it feels good to realize that I am not alone in being a college student with an “in-between” job.
Ro
September 29, 2010
I really can’t wait for the book. After it’s published (and if you don’t do a book tour that comes through the small town areas) could one mail it to you to get it autographed?
luann
September 29, 2010
A “dusty life” becomes the new norm. How cool is that? Though “dusty” sounds a bit drab for someone who is anything but. You have also won a very important battle. No, you can’t change others but you can win by being patient of the lazy teachers who come your way. Teachers who have students grade papers are often killing time. The cool ones use all the time. Success is like you say, just figuring out how to survive in a situation that doesn’t fit but is a necessary hurdle. Your doing great.
Dangerboy
September 30, 2010
I found your blog recently via the waiter…wow, what a journey. Thank you for putting yourself out there, I think that you may well inspire people to be more than they are.
I’ve enjoyed reading so far, and look forward to more. I hope your promotion comes soon!
Innkeeper
October 2, 2010
Jennie, you make me smile with every post. Thank-you!
Caleb
October 3, 2010
I quit drinking 18 months ago. The experience has been a real trip. My life is different in every possible way.
I read some of your blog tonight and I can tell you have undergone a transformation similar to the one I had. I keep a blog too but it isn’t quite as personal as yours… Brave girl.
It is difficult to explain the process of change but it sure is nice.
Thanks for going on Celebrity Rehab too. Those episodes helped me stay thankful and sober.
You and I’s path will probably never cross but we can both keep trudging the road of happy destiney in our own special way.
You are not alone in your journey, there are millions of us.
Keep up the good work and thanks for helping me remember that today is worth being sober for.
Caleb
🙂
Nick Hill
October 5, 2010
Landlords are nightmares Jennie, they’re the same the world over: won’t spend if they don’t have to. My next house WILL be bought not rented but then I guess you have enough on your plate without having a mortgage to worry about.
Good luck with your proposal and I look forward to the next blog.
Lance
October 6, 2010
Jennie good for you in standing up for yourself. If you and Mr. Man did not you would be sitting in a nice dark house with bad wiring. And hell yes if you can sell the shit out of the wine you should be promoted quickly.
Brian
October 8, 2010
I am very happy that you got of the industry… Although you don’t know who I am, I have seen you several times in internet when I was an energetic, curious teenager…
Whatever you do, be successful, and meet a nice man who can heal your pain for rest of your life…
ssolid71
October 8, 2010
Call city building inspection. They usually deal with rentals too. If you report these things they will rip them a new asshole.
Victor
October 9, 2010
Lot’s of life’s stuff, but then again, that’s the stuff of life. I have 1 week of sobriety from drugs and I’m feeling like I’m on fire I’m so happy! Drugs never made me feel like I do at NA meetings. I’ve even been doing laps at the pool before the morning meeting and am getting back to my 30 year old shape (I’m 58). Your earlier posts when you were in recovery as well as your presence on Dr. Drew, and your comments on your therapy really drew me in. I have many to thank for this gift, and you are one of them. I am back to my creative self, building guitars, woodworking, drawing, writing, writing music and just enjoying each day….I take it all 5 minutes at a time. Last month, I was ready to be committed, now I’m committed to being a good, no a great person to everyone I meet. I’m working the steps and the steps are working for me. Thanks Jenster, from the depths of my soul.
Victor
PS, why don’t you guys move someplace else?
Hoosier
October 12, 2010
Glad to see you’re still plugging away. Looking forward to hearing whether October really does turn out to be a “tasty month”! Thanks for keeping us up to date.
scott
October 13, 2010
Hi Jen,
I was wasting some of my life recently and stumbled upon your image on the internet. It was captioned “Penny’s Last F@ck” and I was shocked at just how much happier you used to appear, than in this scene. Your eyes at half mast, the heavy make-up over unhealthy skin. God bless you along the path of your recovery and the new freedom you are experiencing! Best of luck!
J
October 13, 2010
It has been a long time since I visited your site. congratulations on getting on with your life and experiencing the ‘real world’. Your challenges will only make you a better person in the long run.
Keep up the great work Jennie.
My best to you!
J
rob
October 13, 2010
How in the world is it going? Haven’t heard from you in quite a while. Any idea when your book is coming out? How’s school going.
Kristy
October 20, 2010
From one recovering addict to another, “Congratulations!” on having a “normal” day. It’s different, huh? Not really knowing what normal is, but knowing we don’t want what we had, even though once upon a time, we thought that was “normal” too.
You don’t know me, and I don’t know you, but I’ve watched your recovery from your first day on ‘Sex Rehab.’ Your recovery has touched me. And, I thank you for sharing. You are living proof that the program really does work if you work it.
Everything works out better than we ever imagined, and we are all exactly where we need to be, right at this moment.
Namaste.
Mitch
November 22, 2010
Wow, it sounds a lot easier to be a renter in Wisconsin than in California. I lived in a 100 year old house and only had to bug the landlord for repairs once. Good to see you didn’t burn up from the electrical problems!
theduffboy
December 8, 2010
Intrigued about the proposal you mention. Good luck with your literary, academic, domestic hurdles. Right now I’m working from home for the first time in years, translating and editing a study about land conflict in my country. Feel like I’m back in college everytime I open a file (my way of saying it’s a humbling experience :)).