“Plans are nothing. Planning is everything.”
It is strange how all these years have gone by, how so much time has elapsed and I’ve never felt the need to be back in a classroom until now. For some reason, the first time I quit going to school I didn’t feel as if I had no purpose, I didn’t feel as if I had too much time on my hands or that I was becoming stagnant in my fun filled days of “Intervention” and “Law and Order” marathons. For some reason, after only three and a half weeks off, I am beginning to lose my mind and ache for something academically oriented. Such an interesting shift.
This shift could be due to the fact that I no longer fill my days with a marijuana induced apathy that creates the illusion I’ve accomplished a great many things within the few hours of daylight there are to enjoy these winter months. The shift could be due to the fact that I have higher academic goals, (actually, I have academic goals), and I know that time moves swiftly and I was to accomplish as much as possible before the sun goes down. And of course, the shift could also be due to the plain and simple fact that the people I’ve surrounded myself with, the wonderfully strong group of forward thinking and productive people I like to call my friends, are all doing something with their time. Whether it is working on a movie, or a new internet idea or going to another school that is on a different system than my own, my “semester” system, the people around me all seem to be doing something and I feel as if it is time for something to be done. I am sick of not having a reason to wake up early. I miss the heavy backpack filled with books and due dates and exams and papers. I miss the learning community, whatever that may actually be at a junior college.
I’ve started taking mornings over at E-Deezy’s office, he has an extra room where I can spread out my pages and work on the book, which is a welcome relief from the comfortable trap that is our couch at home. I contemplate a cabin in the woods where I can lock myself away and write and take Saucy for walks and worry of nothing other than meals, words and picking up dog crap. I’m planning a little birthday vacation to the mountains, and with Mr. Man working like a madman on this new project of his, realize I may be taking that vacation solo, which would be lame, but fine. I feel like I’m spinning wheels right now, not moving forward, not moving backward, just not moving at all and I hate this feeling. Hate. Hate. Hate. There must be some motion. So where am I to start? What kickstand must I put in place, how do I set my wheels down to the ground and actually start moving forward?
Make a list? Set some small, immediate goals to feel like I can accomplish things? Which of course would mean I actually am accomplishing things? Okay. Sure. One foot in front of the other. Make some to do lists, with small and large goals, and begin doing. No more plans, Jennie, just start doing.