For all my life, I would like to give thanks.
For the hard days that were sprinkled amidst the best, I would like to give thanks.
For the tears that were shed, infrequently, and between laughter and joy, I would like to give thanks.
For the family I once had, and the family I have now, I would like to give thanks.
For the deaths, the births, the knowledge and regret, I would like to give thanks.
For the moments I feared, only to be shown how silly fear can be, I would like to give thanks.
For the opportunities, for the challenges, for the failure and success, I would like to give thanks.
For the friends, for the guidance.
For the hopes yet to be fulfilled, and the dreams yet to be dreamt.
For the uncertainty that creates space for possibility.
For the love and abundance that is all my life.
I would like to give thanks.
Thank you all and have a blessed day.
Becoming Jennie 
Lord Kinbote
November 24, 2011
And thank YOU, Jennie. You make me feel pensive, yet hopeful.
G
November 24, 2011
Its good to know your doing well J, there are so many of us out there now but our ability to empathise and care for others is limitless as long as we don’t takes it for granted. I spare a thought for you and the gratitude you express on this frosty London evening X
G
Tony V
November 24, 2011
May you have a wonderful holiday. I am thankful for people like you.
Willis
November 24, 2011
Haha. That was pretty, Jennie. Maybe we should have a national forgiveness day…. How many people do we need to seek forgiveness from, anyhow? Thing is, if we had a national forgiveness day instead, we wouldn’t have this outstanding dinner every year. Ugh.
stewart
November 24, 2011
Have a great Thanksgiving Jennie. I have a daughter around your age and I can tell you I give thanks for her every day. I bet you dad is immensly proud of you.
Justin
November 24, 2011
Hey,
Good luck with your new life. I am full of admiration.
Justin
(Belfast, Ireland)
Christian Klosz
November 24, 2011
hi jenny. i got to know you through “sex rehab”, which i watched like a month ago (also coz i´m a recovering sex addict myself), and i felt symphathy for you…so…i had planned to write you since i watched the show, but always postponed it, coz it seems like i didnt have the heart to do so…so, now i write you 🙂
i feel you are a very nice person, and your way is inspiring. i think it was very difficult, to leave your old life behind you, and start to “become jenny”. hmmm…i think that´s also what i am trying, to become who i am. its really hard…
i think its great u have reached a point where u are able to thank everyone and, also, everything in your life. i hope one day i will also be able to do so…but at the moment, there is still much fighting and struggling in my life, more than accepting and being.
wish u the best
ck
Invisible Mikey
November 24, 2011
We here have more than enough. When more have enough, we will all have more.
Thanks for saving a place at the table!
Ryan
November 24, 2011
Jennie,
It took me a while, but I’ve just read through this whole blog… I just couldn’t stop reading – your story is absolutely amazing. Thank you for sharing it! I’m very much looking forward to your book being published.
For what it’s worth, you can count me as another person who’s pulling for you!
salmacis99
November 24, 2011
Jennie, that was wonderfully said. I hope you had a great Thanksgiving, and hope that the rest of the Holiday Season treats you and your family well. You have a lot to be thankful for- and proud of 🙂
Zephyr
November 24, 2011
Gratitude. The more you give, the more you give.
Be well Jenny.
Lincoln
November 25, 2011
Just discovered your blog, Jennie – very interesting, entertaining, and thought-provoking stuff! Keep up the good work, Happy Thanksgiving, and count another fan in your corner!
michael92105
November 26, 2011
Dear Jennie– I love the line “for the uncertainty that creates space for possibly”. Thank you…it’s a good way for me to re-frame how I experience fear.
Bill from Ohio
November 26, 2011
And a Happy Thanksgiving to you Jenny. I know it’s late but I just got back into town. I admire you so much for leaving your former life and going out on this new journey. May your days be filled with happiness. A fan of yours always.
Aaron
November 27, 2011
You’re pretty fucking cool, Jennie. Good luck with everything.
Hoosier
November 28, 2011
I echo my fellow posters here.
CanadaPat
November 29, 2011
I am grateful for this blog and the earnest sharing within.:)
KnoMore (@KnoMore)
November 30, 2011
I happened upon this blog via an interesting article on sex addiction.
While there’s much that could be said in sympathy and support, it’s perhaps more prudent to share some perspective I gleaned from my recent time in Thailand.
Despite Thailand’s robust sex industry, the general population is uniquely tempered with regard to sexual avarice, and (like most things Thai) the main view is subtly nuanced and seemingly illogical to the uninitiated.
It is not sexual expression itself, but the indulgence of attachment to sexual desires that is regarded as heedless, reckless, and unwise; those who wantonly pursue the the satisfaction of sensual desires are quietly compared to dogs, not because sex (or other sensuality) is implicitly bestial, but because dogs (like all animals, in the view of applied Buddhism) have a very poor grasp of karma (cause and effect) beyond instinct, and virtually no capacity to reflect on the nature of their own minds in an analytically fashion.
Where the typical westerner might assume any number of arbitrary moral architectures to be rigging up such seemingly conservative views, their roots are surprisingly pragmatic, one of a suite of principles embedded in Thai culture by centuries of uncommonly strong, healthy intercourse (some pun intended) between the monks and the lay (again, some pun).
This is the primary explanation for a number of peculiarities of Thai culture that baffle tourists and endear foreign residents who come to know the Thai way (go wiki Mudita).
For example, as a general rule:
– Thai’s are not big on guilt, as what has transpired in the past is unalterable. Rather, they have an oddly functional form of “pay-it-forward” shame, which is primarily geared not towards making one afraid, repressed, etc., but simply towards keeping one from incurring future inconveniences by thinking, saying or doing that which proves to be unskillful.
– ‘good’ Thai’s don’t lie, any more than the average westerner eats bugs or rapes cats. It’s simply not in one’s best interests, it does not make sense, and this reflects a charmingly long view of cause and consequence.
– Thai’s don’t truck with anger. It is more or less considered a mild form of insanity, such that one could be t-boned by a drunk driver and one’s SELF be taken to jail for being incensed, screaming angrily when the police arrive. One screaming in anger is, in their common view, obviously insane, and should be allowed to cool down in a nice quiet cell.
– Thai’s (perhaps most impressive) react with genuine joy at the good fortune and achievements of others. (Again, Mudita)
These all stem from the practice of orthodox Theravadin monks, and their metaphysical stewardship of the Thai people.
Along those same lines, ‘good’ Thai’s are culturally trained to lucidly, conscientiously observe the arising of sexual desire, as per human nature, and to calmly choose NOT to indulge it via thought, speech or deed, as it’s consensus that restraint is simply a more skillful way to conduct one’s affairs.
Pointedly, Thai’s are also some of the most sexually well adjusted people in the world, and make warm, genuine lovers and companions, with a comprehensive range of tastes and orientations; quite shockingly so. It is… pleasantly alien to someone having grown up in the US and Europe, and throws into sharp relief the inherent pitfalls of human nature, and is a strong argument for cultivating oneself as in gardening or husbandry.
~ We come into this world screaming, our life a burning fuse, and we are at the mercy of a lottery until we learn to think for ourselves. With luck, we may see the value of self driven, personal evolution, and we may find paths and follow them.
It is all too easy to live and die a life astray, none the wiser. ~
What is possible, however, is nothing less than the limitless perfection of mind, and while we are not duty bound to that often intimidating bar of spiritual achievement, it never takes more than a moment of truth to make a new beginning, which opens the door to a lifetime of practice, towards whatever end we seek at heart.
I think it’s refreshing when an adult star is so self-positive, and a good thing that this process is being shared with the public. It’s a good first step towards a healthier sex industry in the West, and a happier life for the young lady in question.
As a token of support for what will surely require continuous effort and equinimity, I might recommend my favorite reading of late:
Thanissaro Bhikkhu’s WINGS TO AWAKENING, a holographic anthology of the practices of the Buddha:
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/thanissaro/wings/index.html
James Allen’s AS A MAN THINKETH:
Click to access as_a_man_thinketh.pdf
…as well as the best bit of fiction I’ve enjoyed in years:
GOING POSTAL, by Terry Pratchet: (stunningly watchable. magic baby food for the mind)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1219817/
Metta to all,
KnoMore Babel
L.C>
December 9, 2011
Thank you, KnoMore Babel
I just read your November 30 post as it came available to us. Hopefully you will be moved to write more here — such lengthily and contemplative piece! Jennie’s most open and revealing voyage from personally distressing relationships and the manifestations of multiple addictions has been an eye opener as we all share with her to greater or lesser degree the same human trials and tribulations.
Her blog has demonstrated the power of community the meaning of village from the US Army medic who wrote in saying if people most dear to her were wounded in Afghanistan he would care for them in the Bagram Hospital there to your expanding the community’s knowledge of Theravada Buddhism in Thailand. The words of encouragement to her are also words of empathy to us all. And her self-expression is likewise our expression to our selves. Our pasts have a meaning to our selves and others. I am grateful that you have joined, Ketcham in this extraordinary social experiment of community.
As in all communities there is such diversity that we also learn our humility from those that see life in a very different manor sometimes this is painful feedback but it is still important because there is humanity in it as well. My guess is Jennie endures this pain with the delete button. Odd but she is damned to hell for her past and damned abandonment. She gets posts admonishing her as an evil who should not expect a bright and wonderful future because of her sins she must submit to future suffering in order to be redeemed. Or the ones who admonish her for saying she should be for their continual enjoyment, a “whore porn star”. Post like these and yours remind us all that we have a past. They both remind us; we see what we look for. Jennie’s blog reminds us that there is magnificent humanity even in our darkest hours.
But as you noted, we do not live in the past. We live in the present to support each other to hopefully make tomorrow better for each and every one of us. Did I get that right?
Thanks, KnoMore Babel, and Metta (what exactly does this mean? Good will) to you, Jennie, and everyone else, LC
theduffboy
December 9, 2011
This is beautiful, Jennie. Thank you for your words.
michael92105
December 9, 2011
Thai’s have it all wrong. Dogs are much more evolved spiritually than people…they love unconditionally, are eternally grateful, live in the present, and have boundless acceptance.
michael92105
December 9, 2011
Dear Jennie: Clicked on your “good old days” link and this message came up:
Notice: This domain name expired on 11/11/2011 and is pending renewal or deletion
I kinda hope you delete it…I know we are told that we “won’t regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it” but there is enough of your past out there for all to see.
I wonder if you ever go back and look at the films or if it’s too painful.
I also wonder if there will be pressure to have nude photos in your book as marketing pressure…but that’s just my hope.
Along with my hope that you are staying close and not drifting-(I noticed you didn’t mention giving thanks to your recovery…)
And on a lighter note, how are things with your neighbor?
Take care.
michael
michael92105
December 9, 2011
Ugh, sorry…. didn’t read through until after I submitted I meant to say “and you would resist” putting in any nude photos (in your book)…but that’s just my hope. (kinda funny tho).
ElLocco
December 20, 2011
Dear Jennie,
reading your blog for the first time today, and am amazed and grateful for your story and sharing it with the world, with us. I am happy to read that you’re going your way into a bright future, with friends, interests, several careers (writing, painting, med-school) 😉 and and and…
From my own life, I think I can partially relate to some of your events, how difficult it is to part (and to revisit, e.g. in Vegas), and how beautiful life continues and you wonder when looking back, why you ever were part of the old life…
…I was a member in a German student fraternity, which is a more close-knit society as in the US, with lot’s of guys living together (similar US), drinking a lot (similar) up to a level of regular alcohol abuse, and especially vowing to be “members for life” or “friends for life”, i.e. you are not expected or allowed to return your membership card.
…but I felt at some point in my life, that drinking and macho-games were not my road, and approached several of my “friends” about quitting…and it was the hardest time of my life. People I knew for years and years, considered close friends, connected with key events of my life, suddenly looked into my face and told me straight, that if I quit the club, I quit their life…no fraternity, no friends. To me: shocking!
…Yet, looking back after several years now, I am happy I went that way, and don’t miss any of it…not the people, not the alcohol, not the “secret-society” spirit….
Also thanks for this blog, because it is the first one I am aware of opening the eyes to the difficulties of women working in the porn industry. I have the feeling, that this and other topics are crucially important to society, but guys never get to know about them, because it’s under their radar and not considered target group relevant, and thus not discussed publicly. Examples in similar direction are
…prostitution (e.g. Sweden is punishing the man buying prostitutes, instead of the women as they are often victims of organized crime)
…equal rights and women careers (no, women do not all stop working at the age of 30 because they biologically need to have kids…lot’s of them stop working, because they hit the glass ceiling and are kept small by male networks)
…role understanding of growing-up boys (yes, men/boys in a modern world with emancipated women have an issue with roles … are they supposed to be the know-it-all-&-muscular Hugh Jackman, the cute-&-smart-&-romantic Hughe Grant, the best-friend or the protector and lover?…I only read about it in women magazines [German Emma])
Sorry, long post, hope I got some thoughts across, not a writer….maybe by following your post I’ll pick up a hint or two ;-))
I wish you all the best for your future, your dreams….and thanks for keeping us updated. All the best from Germany