The year is winding down dear friend, and lord knows it’s been a long road. A couple deaths, a couple births, some big accomplishments and some medium let-downs. I’d like to say this year hasn’t been any different than the others, but I think we both know that the memories are. This past year was big. In the lingo of L.C., “you did good kid.”
You wrote a book girl! Can you believe that shit? You really fuckin’ did it, and you turned it in on time. People have even approved it, lawyers, copywriters, editors, and so forward she goes, into publication, into the world. You said you were gonna do it and you did. You should be proud.
You got a 4.0 GPA through the entire process too, with school and work and book writing? It’s not that big of a deal that you didn’t get into UCLA. Maybe it wasn’t going to be right for you anyway. CSUN is just what you need. So on you go, away from Santa Monica College and onto the big guys. Here comes life. Fast.
You worked hard as a hostess, with people you love and people you respect. You ran around like a madwoman some nights, but man the sleep after felt good. You feel it in your bones, your heart, you soul. You never thought ten bucks an hour would feel satisfying. Funny, huh?
You started rebuilding a special relationship with your mom, and before you knew it, you had a big family, a mom, a dad, TWO dads, three dads and two moms, all these wonderful people in your life that you would do anything for.
You kept that special relationship with your Mr. Man, you stayed open and honest, loving and compassionate…. goodness knows he is a special guy. Christmas with him gets more and more special each year. You two even have a two year reunion coming up this New Years! I bet you never thought anything like that was possible. Well, my dear, it is. It’s happening.
You reconnected with some very special people this year, some friends from middle school and high school who meant the world to you back then, and then fell off when you got too deep in the game. They were afraid for you, when you weren’t afraid for yourself. Girl, you got some fucking awesome people in your life.
And most of all, you took good care of yourself this past year. You stayed healthy, emotionally sober and available. You, every single morning, were willing to look yourself in the mirror and say, “I love you.” I bet you didn’t think that was possible either.
Lot’s of “impossibles” happened this past year. Guess it just goes to show…
Nothing is impossible.
So what are you going to do this year? I know you don’t do the whole resolutions thing, so how about plans? Let us make plans for 2012. And let’s write it out so we feel more committed, more connected, more likely to follow through. What are you planning for 2012 Miss Jennie?
I’m going to keep that 4.0 at CSUN, I’m gonna get an A in my UCLA Extension Statistics course, and make my Grandaddy, a professor and PhD in stats, proud from heaven.
I’m gonna take Chemistry in fall, and I’ll work hard to get an A but I won’t be mad at myself if I get a B. Shit, I won’t get mad if I get a C. But I will try for that A, and know I can do it.
I’ll become a tutor for Psych, I’ll get a part-time job in something Psych related, and I’m gonna spend some quality time researching med schools so that I find the one that fits me, not the one that will “look best” on me. Prestige Schmestige.
I’m going to let my ego ride in the backseat, and allow humility to choose the course.
I will work at least four hours a week as a Psych tutor. But I already committed to that. Maybe English tutor too?
I will get that job I mentioned, in some Psych related field, as a secretary, intern, assistant, whatever I can. I will start this career thing this year. And I will work hard.
I will transpose I am Jennie the book, into I am Jennie, the screenplay.
I will start writing something I’ve always wanted to write. A children’s book~ and even if it takes years to publish, all the years it could/would/should take for people to forget from where I came, I will write the precious little gem I’ve always wanted to write.
I will be a compassionate, loving, caring and empathetic girlfriend. I will listen when he speaks and when he doesn’t. I will love when I am happy, angry, tired, sad or hurt. I will be honest, and open, and I will try to value everything he does for our relationship. Even though sometimes, that kind of thing feels hard.
I will take Saucerton Dogsworth on walks with Mr. Man each week, and I will try my best for nightly walks, four to five times a week. You all deserve it. And you know you love doing it. I will make the time for the three of us to spend together. Even if it’s only twenty minutes.
I will do thirty days of yoga in thirty days. And then maybe, I will try for sixty.
I will talk to and text my mom, sister and brother more.
I will Skype weekly with both my mom and dad. I will include my step-dad on all my family emails, and I will tell them all that I love them as much as I think it.
I will volunteer time with Habitat for Humanity, weekends or short stays, and I will see what I can do to contribute to Conscious Acts of Kindness™, both in my community and others. I will try to give back all that has been so freely given to me.
Now, I know I can accomplish everything above, because looking at my past year, through those ups and downs, I’ve accomplished all I set my heart to do. And though the things that follow may not come true (as they are totally out of my control now), they are big things I am putting into the Universe, into words, and hopefully into the realm of reality.
I will have a New York Times Bestseller, and Oprah will put I am Jennie on her super awesome book club list.
The lovely gentleman producer man who has optioned my memoir will accept and love my screenplay, and it will be in the beginning stages of being a movie.
I will hit the financial goals written into my publishing contract and will be able to give Sarah the big bonus she so deserves.
I will go to New York and have Ami James at the Wooster St. Social Club finish my Japanese lotus flower back tattoo, either before or after the book release party. Or at the same time.
And that’s it so far. In a year you can look back on this little list of plans and see how you did. Maybe you are thinking too big, maybe you are thinking to small. But you are thinking of the future. Because you have one, my dearest Jennie. And that’s something you didn’t have three years ago.
You didn’t have hope.
You didn’t have life in your eyes, and soul.
You didn’t have a future, and a heart full of gratitude.
You couldn’t see a tomorrow, and you couldn’t live in today.
Way to do it kid, way to keep doing it, and way to keep believing in the power of love and recovery.