“Who in the world am I?”

Jennifer Ketcham is a writer and former pornstar who, upon shooting Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew and Sober House in spring and summer of 2009 respectively, quit the adult business to pursue a healthier lifestyle. She’s since appeared on Oprah, Tyra, The View, ET and Extra to discuss sex addiction and her blog has been featured on Carson Daly. Ketcham also writes for The Huffington Post, Los Angeles, and recently finished a memoir scheduled to be published in July 2012 by Gallery Books. Jennie remains friends with Dr. Drew and other cast members from both shows. She grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area and now lives in Los Angeles with Mr. Man, her pit bull Saucy (Saucerton Dogsworth) and her cat, Kitty Mao.

Below are additional links to Jennie Ketcham’s booking info, blogs, and some articles and interviews…

 

Booking Jennie Ketcham:

Speaking Engagements and Signings

 

Blogs:

Huffington Post

Renew Everyday

 

Articles:

The Fix

The Daily Beast

XOJane

The Frisky

SF Gate

Oprah

Gawker

 

Interviews:

Headline News: I am Jennie

Alan Colmes

Mattie P’s Radio Happy Hour 

Pasadena Recovery Center 

Headline News: Impact of Sexual Abuse

Lifechangers

Tyra Banks

The View

 

 

220 Responses ““Who in the world am I?”” →
  1. I’m so confused!

    Reply
    • Im so sick of listening to you whiny fucking self pitying asshats

      Reply
      • uh… here you’re reading not hearing. And you have to go out of your way to read here. It’s ironic that a complaint about whiners is, in itself, a very loud whine.

    • Hi Jennie. I can totally relate. After being in the “gentleman’s club” industry for 10 plus years I realized I had created this whole other person. My stage name was me. Just as you said you didnt know your name was being called I had the same thing going on. everyone knew me by my stage name. So when I was around family and they would call my real name it was like I didnt even hear it. I became another person. Its very easy to slide into that character where you feel powerful and comfortable. Im very happy for you, and as you did I returned to school as well. i graduated last year and am bac in school again. Thank You for sharing your experiences with the world. Wishing you the best!
      njm

      Reply

      • catdog

        July 1, 2011

        you guys are stupid fools you chose that life duH!!

      • Indeed you think these girls were dragged from their homes at 18 and put into porno or something.

      • Not “dragged’ from their homes, but more like lured into the industry. Similar to how a pedophile “lures” a child with candy or another enticement….


  2. Casey

    July 9, 2009

    hang in there! You have a long road ahead of uH

    Reply
  3. Dear Jennie,

    Good luck!

    Reply

  4. friend

    July 12, 2009

    Your blog entries sound so full of life now :)

    Reply

  5. brandon

    July 28, 2009

    ill miss your movies.

    Reply

  6. brandon

    July 28, 2009

    ill miss your wonderful movies

    Reply
    • Screw the movies dude…..Don’t you see that Jennie is the real person and that Penny was a persona that fed the beast. She, the lady Jennie Ketchum, is free….be stoked for her and go read a book yourself!!

      Reply

      • Scott

        May 17, 2012

        very well said. I understand what happened with her, I myself have no addictive part, by my gf is very addicted to love, being with someone and alcohol. Its a very hard situation, and I sympathize and respect anyone who can conquer their own demons and live a better life, for themselves.

  7. I find your words and your life choices very interesting and insightful. I am a recovering addict as well. I just graduated college and I am glad to see that’s one of your top priorities now. Take care and keep writing.

    Reply

  8. Voytech

    August 2, 2009

    Hi Jenny,
    I am quite astounded at the level of your posts. You are a witty and thoughtfull person. Did you ever considered becoming reporter or a journalist ? The talent would be wasted if you didn’t. Keep it going, your observations are great and with a touch of self-critical humour that I really like.Of course I understand the problems of addication, being an alcoholic myself. But still-you are a person of great intelligence and a great deal of humour(at least to me). I’am keeping my thumbs up for you and really hope you achieve something, because you really deserve to. Kisses Wojciech !

    Reply
  9. re: “How Sweet it Is …” July 29, 2009

    “These are the things that make up a
    lovely lady, and that is what I wish
    to be. Progress my friends, not
    perfection… I’m still on the every
    other day plan. . . I feel good when
    I look good, when I’m all clean and
    tidy.”

    Should I feel bad when I don’t look good and am not all clean and tidy… what should I feel like?

    “… maybe there will be a day where I
    feel mostly cured, and not because of
    Ben or Jerry. But that day is not
    today. Today I will settle for little
    glimpses of what it can be like,
    clean, fresh, and full of ice cream.”

    Maybe I should feel like; the contentment brought by “settling for little glimpses of what it can be like”, the humanity of “Progress my friends, not perfection” and lastly maybe I should feel at least every other day, even if not consumed, like the sweetness of being “full of ice cream”.

    Me thinks that you are a lovely lady. The loveliest. The sacrifice of this particular facet of loveliness is that you personally may not feel it, but others who behold you feel it. I wish that you “feel good, when” you behold those around you, who are beholding the loveliness of you curing and growing. “These are the things that make up a lovely lady”, today and everyday.

    Reply
  10. re: “How Sweet it Is…” July 29, 2009

    “These are the things that make up a lovely lady, and that is what I wish to be. Progress my friends, not perfection… I’m still on the every other day plan. . . I feel good when I look good, when I’m all clean and tidy.”

    Should I feel bad when I don’t look good and am not all clean and tidy. . . what should I feel like?

    “… maybe there will be a day where I feel mostly cured, and not because of Ben or Jerry. But that day is not today. Today I will settle for little glimpses of what it can be like, clean, fresh, and full of ice cream.”

    Maybe I should feel; the contentment brought by “settling for little glimpses of what it can be like”, the humanity of “Progress my friends, not perfection” and lastly maybe I should feel at least every other day, even if not consumed, the sweetness of being “full of ice cream”.

    Me thinks that you are a lovely lady. The loveliest. The sacrifice of this particular facet of loveliness is that you personally may not feel it, but others who behold you feel it. I wish that you “feel good, when” you behold those around you, who are beholding the loveliness of you curing and growing. “These are the things that make up a lovely lady”, today and everyday.

    Reply
  11. Becoming Jennie is remarkable. To me, it is the representation of Jennie reconnecting with herself. Being a porn star is traumatizing. Sex, in and of itself, is a traumatic experience. Can you imagine having sex on your mind every hour of the day? Notwithstanding the fact, the lifestyle that comes with being a porn star vixxxen. Drugs, sex, and alcohol are the three amigos within the entertainment industry.

    I would personally like to become a friend to Jennie, because I feel much like she does; yerning for the reconnection while dealing with battle scars of life.

    Take care and enjoy everyone.

    Reply

    • JohnDoe

      January 5, 2011

      “Can you imagine having sex on your mind every hour of the day?”

      Yes it’s called being a man.

      Reply

  12. Hank Orroyo

    August 9, 2009

    Great perspective. You really make me think about the issues that I have fought/fight and the close friends that are currently fighting with themselves and the apathy.

    Reply
  13. Hello Jenny….pleased to see someone with so much promise, seeking the answers to her hang-ups. I too am seen as accomplished but have been wounded in doubt, spinning my wheels and getting nowhere for about five solid years.

    I recently relocated down to Agoura Hills from my previous home along the Central Coast of California. If you ever want to grab a delicious fresh sweet corn tamale over at El Cholo, please hit me up and we can become real bonafide working through our stuff friends!

    Walter Scott

    Reply
  14. I guess the question of “who am I?” and “where am I coming from?” is really why is someone interested in reading the diary of a recovering substance abuser, Penny Flame. I have always been fascinated by why people do things out of the mainstream. We all have mixed results of our choices. The choice to create Apple Computers in a garage is not much different than that to be a porn-star. There are assured roads to measurable success, “monetary wealth”, than these professionals. Fore example basketball stars may have better odds at monetary successes than either rich porn stars or computer geeks. We all crave some sort of success most of us find it not in stardom. We find it in the simple joys of creating our own wealth, “putting bread on the table” and breaking bread with our friends and loved ones.

    But why choose alcohol and drug addiction? Given Jennie’s current state and that is really only conjecture, as I don’t know her from the man on the moon. Of course she allows her readers only a very controlled view of her. But we see a very nice, smart person who was well educated (lack of a collage degree seems irrelevant). The number of delightful people I grew up with who became addicts far out way the number of jerks who did. The drugs changed then all to the latter. What I have seen in Jennie’s writing is the reverse of what I have seen with my sister. Sobriety and time seem to have erased Jennie’s irrational, draw attention, excesses, and immediate negative reactions. With alcohol it is almost like a high of bad behavior invites an ever-greater thirst for excess and the elixir, which enables.

    What I have seen in Jennie’s writing is how a chemically repairing brain (sober) works better than one that is well pickled or has dead spots. What many of us thought as my sisters entertaining or innovative ways at perceiving things really were not funny, enlightened or helpful to her business or her family. It is sad as she slips into her twilight years she has missed so much of life and messed with the lives and livelihoods of so many. She was a kind genital innovative and smart person to be around. She is still smart and maybe that is the challenge of substance abuse is to try to over power with intellect and manipulation the excess of a pickled and dysfunctional brain. Jennie, simply points out, it is so much easier to have a sober brain.

    I don’t know if that answers your question of “who am I?” or why do I read your commentary. But I would like to thank you for being so open. Your writing has learnt me a lot. I would also like to congratulate you for your work to make yourself once again a kind, productive person. Please keep up the good work. LC

    Reply
  15. Good Late Morning Jennie! Hope we each get something productive done today, maybe take in a few sunshine rays and get a look at some beauty. I may roll my Harley up to the top of Kanan Drive to see how the other side of the mountains look from the “hop seat” on my bike. I should probably ride the bicycle….which might not be a bad go either!

    Anyways…Bloggosphere Goddess. Don’t feel bad that you weren’t really attracted to the Robeck’s attendant…I didn’t even know what a Robecks was until I moved down here this week! Jamba rules the Central Coast!

    Reply
  16. Jennie Ketchum….You are waking up to breath the free air and it inspires me to do the same. I’m a learned individual whom has allowed the troubles of his past to affect the glory of my present. Would you like to attend the West Beach Festival in Santa Barbara to take in Ozomatli with me? I’m just looking for someone to talk with….nothing more!

    Reply
  17. I love your blog. It is so thoughtful and interesting to read.

    I met you at a promotional event for a movie here in Austin a couple of years ago. You were so nice. I was really surprised at how easy it was to talk to you.

    The Governor Spitzer sex scandal had just happened. I asked you about that. You were sure that Ms. Spitzer knew about her husband’s activities all along.

    Do you still feel that way? I’m not so sure. Some couples are not exactly communicating with each other.

    Keep up the great work on your web site!

    Reply
  18. You might be gone from the porn industry, but you will never be forgotten from this portuguese fan!

    You are a great person, who deservs only the best.

    Hope all goes well with you, best luck in the world!

    Reply

  19. patrick

    August 17, 2009

    I just found your blog, and am enjoying it a immensely.

    From one addict (in recovery 4 years now) to another, I wish you another 24 hours and keep comin’ back.

    Reply
  20. Just came across your blog and wanted to say that while I enjoyed your work, I’m glad you figured out that lifestyle was not good for you and was fueling your addiction. I wish you the best in your endeavors.

    Reply

  21. iamstow

    August 21, 2009

    Congradulations Jennie, I hope everything goes smoothly for you, I sent you an email @ becomingjennie@gmail.com, jet one back to me if you feel like it, once again congrats, I admire your courage.

    Reply

  22. Kennedy Winters

    August 26, 2009

    Hi Jennie,
    I’m a stripper and former porn star in hollywood and I once met you when you were feature dancing at Rouge. It’s very nice to read your blog, I feel like you say out loud many of the things I’d like to. I’ve been sober for 10 months now and I’m beginning to pick up the pieces of my life and pursue a BA in Dance. Maybe I can have you perform in some weird avant-garde burlesque? My troupe and I do a show called “Kubrilesque” and interpret Stanley Kubrick movies though theatrical dance pieces.

    Reply
  23. I’m glad you’ve chosen this new path in life. You have a beautiful personality and now a different part of the world will get to enjoy it as much as we enjoyed you in the adult industry. I admire your courage.
    Good luck. :)

    Reply
  24. I have just read a bunch of your blogs for the 1st time. I cannot begin to describe how amazed I am with you. I would kill to have someone in my life like you. I wish you continued success!

    Reply
  25. Amazing. Simply amazing.

    Reply
  26. Hey Jennie,

    I’m not sure why I’m writing this, exactly, I never respond to anything I read online, and I doubt anybody will read this, but there’s something relieving and refreshing about your journal entries.

    Admittedly, I learned of you because of porn. Thank God, because reading what you’ve written here has made me feel like there’s other people out there who understand, and at the same time, offer a glimpse of hope.

    I read your “Terrible No Good Very Bad Days” entries first, because those are how most of my days are…I feel like I could have written them myself, and I’m terribly sorry that you’ve had times like those. I can’t remember how many times I’ve been afraid of being left alone with myself, because I’m the last person I want to hang out with.

    Anyway, I haven’t read even half of your entries yet, but perhaps I’ll eventually see them all. Either way, I hope things are going in your favor now. You really do seem like a great person deep down, however flawed we all are. Thank you for sharing your experiences here, they’ve definitely hit home.

    Keep on keeping on.

    Reply
  27. Dear Jennie

    I have been reading a lot of your blog and I can’t seem to find your turning point. That moment that you say you are changing you’re life. The my hot mess stops website ends with you saying how your changing but Becoming Jennie goes into great detail about what bad things that made you want to change. I just feel like I’m missing the story arc in your story. My question is what key moment happened that made you say I’m becoming Jennie? If its something so personal that you can’t even put it on the blog I understand but if you can it will be greatly appreciated.

    Reply

  28. DeauxBrahs

    September 16, 2009

    Hey Jennie, I’m so happy to hear you’ve decided to go down this path! While I may miss you in your previous endeavors it’s good to see that you’re moving forward in a positive direction!
    I’m looking forward to reading the posts that I’ve missed and keeping up with future ones!

    Reply
  29. Hang tough Jennie!

    It sounds to me like you’re finding all the “everyday ordinary not amazingly kickass” beautiful and wonderful things in life, and in yourself – it’s a helluva journey, but trust me – it’s *soooooo* worth it ^.-

    Reply
  30. Dear Jennie,

    When we take job stuff home of home stuff to work they become more than a job or home. I think most people have problems separating “who they are” from “the work they do”. Hollywood alone keeps People Magazine reporters employed. It is great to see some one working as hard as you have in separating yourself from the porn-star brand name you built. It always was “a job” – “an acting job”. It makes those who have followed your progress since April appreciate those who have succumbed to alcohol, drugs and self destructive compulsions — our friends, relatives and scores of men and women who play such duel lives in service to our nation in Afghanistan, Vietnam, Iraq, earth quakes might have suffered.

    For the rest of us leading the simple life is complicated enough not to fall off the cart. You give the rest of us a greater appreciation for what some of our loved ones struggle with. Thank you.

    Yes Shakespeare said, “The whole world is a stage.” But most of that stage is not lit with limelight. Time is the limelight brief. You are the lucky addict because are breaking with your past and learning how to live without acting.
    LC

    Reply

  31. zoli osaze

    September 25, 2009

    this is the bravest most honest thing i have read all year…..its just fantastic…..good luck….God bless ya

    Reply
  32. more power to ya!

    Reply

  33. kenyadoit

    September 28, 2009

    Your blog (and twittering) is fascinating to read, and it’s nice to see you overcome your addictions and get to know who you really are. I discovered you the same way most males have, and I had a feeling there was a good person underneath the surface. Keep on truckin kiddo.

    Reply
  34. I realize, I don’t really care too much what people say. It’s taken me much more than half a lifetime, hundreds of thousands of miles, living in different timezones, dealing with the poor to the rich (which I seem to like a lot less) to find that after all this stuff, that I’m still as lost as ever. BUT, I have been fortunate in much of my selfish life and lust, to have found that the person who stuck by me, through more changes than R.L. Stevensons’ Dr.Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. To that, I hope you find this too Jennie. Your travels, and your prose is something I enjoy very much. You see to have such a knack for describing your journey’s with such wonderful words and descriptions. I’m very lost now, hanging on to anything remotely familiar, or similar. Drugs, and being beat down for too long has made me immobile. But, I continue to try to fight, if not for me, for my wife. Thank you so much.

    Reply
  35. i respect the fact that you are changing 4 the good the strenth it takes to do what you have donepenny was cool but jennie is cool

    Reply
  36. Hi Jennie,

    Your blog continues to go from strength to strength.

    The writing is witty and to the point, and more amazing still is the real story of the journey behind it.

    Wonderful stuff, keep at it and one day I hope to buy the book!

    Good luck and God bless,

    Mike Diboll, Bahrain

    Reply
    • “I can’t go back to yesterday – because I was [s]the same[/s] a different person then”

      Reply
  37. I hope that someday you’ll publish this journal. You’re an inspiration.

    Reply
  38. Congratulations on your first article and good luck on your next steps in writing :)

    Reply

  39. Dave Housinghere

    October 12, 2009

    Hey Jennie ever thought of searching for God…Christianity…Islam… Many people apparently find something different in Islam… They say they find the true meaning of Life Why dont You Give It A Crack?

    Reply
  40. I have read your blogs and you seem to be going through a lot what people go through at your age.
    I went through the same thing. No not porn or drugs, but trying to find out what I was.
    Have always been the center of the relationship/freindship. I had been friends with a guy who was semi-famous and saw the destruction of drugs and booze could do to a person. He hated me
    for being me, because I was calm and rational while he was this overly emotional and physically abusive person.
    It took me years to figuire out that I wasn’t the bad guy. It took years for me to get pass this thing and become a rational person once again.
    I met a person some years ago, that I had feelings for. I pushed that person away because of that relationship, I regret it.
    The only thing I can say in closing is that, as a human, we live and learn and shoulder on.
    God bless and godspeed

    Reply
  41. Hey Jenny,
    I have been following your blog for months. I love your writing. I am amazed by it at times (in a good way, like “wow she really put that together beautifully”) I srtuggle with one thing: Your attitdue about the industry. Hey, let’s face it you need to call it what it is. Maybe you have met some nice people but that does not excuse what it does to the people. Sure, we are all s, but, at 18 were you really an ?

    I grow tired of this non-judgemental attitude towards everything that is really sick in our society. Sometimes the only way to solve the problem is to admit that there is someting terribly wrong.
    Keep this in mind: When someone says that there are no moral absolutes – they have just proclained one.

    I wish you the very best – you have really helped me in my own struggles.

    Douglas

    Reply
  42. i wish you good luck in your journey to discover who you are and then to also explore where you want to go, god bless…

    Reply

  43. Jay Salamon

    October 30, 2009

    Hi. I read your blog about having to give up your car. Jennie, we don’t know each other but this touched me to write you. I’m a CPA/JD (for twenty years) and had to file bankruptcy about five years ago. Gave back my car (Yes, public transportation in LA sucks – but its great exercise), had no place to live (for a few months) and was fighting an urge to leave the world for a while. Now, its five years later and I’m finally successful at my career, have a decent car, and most importantly am very happy with my life and myself. The last four years have really been amazing (I Had lots of help and hated asking for it, in fact I rarely did – but am paying this help back by helping others every chance I get – this makes me happier than any of the other shit I was chasing years ago – weird, huh?). I know that it’s hard, but a lot of positive energy comes from change. I want to wish you all the best and all the blessings in your life. Positive transformation is the most beautiful thing in the world, and thinking about who a person can become makes my heart warm. Keep it up!

    Reply
  44. I’ve been watching u on dr drews sex rehab&read bout ur website n hustler. I2am an addict n recovery 4 1 thing&yet still actively addicted2anothr. I look@old pics of myself&wonder if I will evr again be able2be that girl-that jenny. I hope& pray I’m not doomed2 stay n this bleak&dark world I now inhabit. U r a real inspiration2me& I wanted2let u know that&2 thank u4ur courage&tell u2keep it up. Ur helpn more people than u’ll probly evr know. Thank u~sincerely-from 1 Jen2anothr.

    Reply
  45. Don’t worry about getting lost, I have lived in the city my whole life and I still get lost.
    Dont forget easy does it.
    Li

    Reply
    • Hey Jennie – wish you the best on your new journey but as a fat geeky guy? THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES!! You had a real gift to project your amazing sexuality in every video and I can’t tell you how HAPPY you made me and probably countless other loser guys who would have otherwise never had a chance to get off with a smoking sexpot like you! Don’t feel bad about the past – look forward to the future but know we (or ME at least) will always remember you for the sexy aggressive little horndog you were 0 and I LOVE YOU FOR IT!!! You do ON with life girl….BEST OF LUCK and I’ll miss you:-/

      Reply
  46. Can’t TELL YOU how many loads I blew to your hot and sexy ‘TUDE sexily Jen…wow…I’ll miss you girl. Best of luck in the future but don’t feel bad about the past…you made a LOT of guys like me happy (AND JEALOUS!)

    peace!

    Reply
  47. Ive been watching you on the Dr. Drew rehab show now for 2 weeks and can relate to you the most. Just found this blog today and im going to follow it now as well. Im glad you are taking some time off to discover yourself and i wish you all the happiness in this journey. Go Jennie go, im proud of you!

    Reply
  48. Jennie, I know you don’t blame porn but when I read about the misery that some in the industry have gone through or seen, I feel shameful over my use of it and begin to see how it has contributed to the isolation of my own life.

    Many hugs and well wishes from a long time fan who is wishing you all the happiness in the world.

    Reply
  49. Hi Jennie!!

    I accidently stumbled across the VH 1 show last nite. I admire your courage and wish for you to find the clarity you must continue to seek. You are very talented and stronger than you may believe…or be aware of..

    Best wishes to you!!!

    Reply
  50. I was just thinking this morning how I gave up on my recovery and how much I have regretted it and wish I had the strength to stick to it. Thank you for sharing your journey. It helps me to focus and have hope for my own recovery.
    Best wishes.

    Reply

  51. Sebastiaan

    November 19, 2009

    I’ve clicked through quite a few of the posts on your blog. I’m in a similar process right now: ever since university, I’ve been drinking. It started as a way to releave stress, but now I don’t even know why I get drunk anymore. My (current) life is hardly as crazy and wild as yours was.

    I’ve admitted that I have a problem, but so far progress is slow: I haven’t done anything with it yet. Every day that I’m drinking there’s this voice telling me: “Just one more day and I quit.” Ofcourse it doesn’t work that way.

    Thanks for writing your blog and showing the world that one really can change. I hope it will inspire me to do the same – because I know that I will just have to.

    Reply
  52. Whoever you are, you’re amazing. We’re rooting for ya… Great art, woman! Stop blogging and get back to the canvas…

    Reply

  53. Jeff Cody

    November 19, 2009

    Thank you so much for sharing your journey. It is heart warming to find people in the world willing to make such an honest self examination. Thank you again and keep up all the good work.

    Reply
  54. You are a talented writer. That’s who you are. You are a brave girl, a very cool girl, and a very very smart and funny girl. Plus as an added bonus, all of those things are Sexy as hell.
    You’re going to be successful and fulfilled one day.

    Reply

  55. john skewes

    November 20, 2009

    I am happy for you. I am proud of you.
    It takes courage to change your life.

    I’m looking you in the eye now.
    I’m hugging you now.
    I’m sending love now.

    Reply
  56. Jennie, I just came across your blog, thanks to Jezebel.com, and I wish you all the happiness, peace of mind, and hope you enjoy every step of your personal discovery. Keep yo’ head up even if you hit a bump in the road bump. My doggies & I are rooting for you :) Check this out for a lil inspiration: http://www.mindsofpower.com/featured/james-allen-quotes-as-a-man-thinketh/

    Reply

  57. hentaisukebe

    November 21, 2009

    Jenni,

    I’m an addict and understand the tremendously difficult journey of discovery, recentering, and hardship that you are undertaking. It’s a funny thing… the mind, the emotions, the needs, the connections. I have participated in your addiction and also want to participate in your recovery. Thank you for sharing your recovery process and experience with us the anonymous needy individual souls. I gain strength and resolve through your demonstration of the same. Please, recognize that the same sexual power you posesse and have deployed in porn can also be utilized for far reaching, deeply satisfying, individually saturating, LOVE as well. Please, please, please, don’t give in to the easy exploration, facile demonstrations, or emotional sabotaging of the only thing that genuinely matters… LOVE.

    Your fight gives me strength,

    Reply
  58. Found my way here upon the recommendation of an old Internet friend.

    Sounds good so far. And this is a tough gig, sobriety and the reinvention of Self. And all of us here have an agenda and some of us want ‘a piece of you’. But after a half dozen years in ‘the biz’, I expect you can take care of yourself, as tender as you may be at this point.

    I have fifteen years sober myself. And I while do I have an agenda, I’m just gonna sit back and enjoy watching you unfold into this new life of yours. I’ll toss my two cents from time to time, but then that is part of the purpose of a public blog, journaling as Performance Art.

    Be well…

    Reply
  59. 1- write down where you come from
    2- write down where you are going to

    you woke up for a reason…
    find it

    if it was completely hidden away. Start reading

    you need to gain knowledge not information…focus on ideas that change you from within

    go here…
    http://zenhabits.net/

    ul find many great articles…
    and check out the comments for some amazing links
    http://zenhabits.net/2008/08/top-5-most-inspirational-videos-on-youtube/

    i can help you in your transition…
    but you would need to contact me in order to do so…

    Reply
  60. Dear Jennie,

    I have been watching Celebrity Rehab Sex Addiction and have been MOST impressed with you. You come across as real, not afraid to “take your makeup off”. You are present in your conversations, you look others in the eye when speaking, and all in all, I REALLY like you.

    Bender is a good friend of mine and he emailed your blog. I enjoy reading it and it confirms to me that you are a special person.

    Congrats.

    Page B

    S

    Reply
  61. I am a sex addict and I would like to take the time to chat with you one day if possible. Please let me know.
    Thanks.

    Reply
  62. Wow. as someone who has never dealt with addiction, I am mesmerized by you and the show “sex rehab”. you are an amazing person, keep strong!

    Reply
  63. Here’s an early Christmas present for you Jennie. It cost me decades to figure out the value of, but it won’t cost you anything more than the time it takes to read and understand it.

    I wish for you to choose to forgive yourself for things you did (and do) that cause yourself or others harm because of your own weaknesses/insecurities, and ESPECIALLY in circumstances where you didn’t know any better, like childhood and adolescence.

    We’re all ignorant until we learn. We’re all unaware until we become aware. You can have regrets, but it’s not fair to give yourself (or others) a life sentence.

    The more you forgive yourself, the more you will have compassion for, and be able to forgive those who did you wrong, whether they knew better or not.

    Judge yourself and others with mercy. You’ll be better able to nurture your own growth, and the growth of those you love.

    Merry Christmas!

    Reply
  64. I hope u didnt quit smoking buds

    Reply
  65. I watched you on Dr. Drew Sex Rehab and I am so inspired by you. Fuck the porn industry, you are destined for so much more. Your eyes have finally been opened and I’m excited for you to see the world through enlightened eyes. You said some of the most intelligent things on the show and on your blog. Reach for the stars Jennie, you’ll do just fine.

    Reply
  66. Good luck to you, Jennie! I wish you luck on your journey. You are so brave to really look at yourself and to build your life from scratch. Congrats and hang in there. I’m rooting for you.

    Reply

  67. ABBY, ESQ.

    December 13, 2009

    GLAD TO SEE YOU’RE STICKING TO YOUR GUNS AND RESPECTING YOURSELF.

    Reply
  68. Hi I’m Ryan and I’m a sex addict.I’m not just saying that to be funny. I’ve met you several times at the Expo and always enjoyed talking to you. For me Porn was a hobby. I watched it, collected it, kept up on the gossip, and well…you know :) Anyway, I realized I had a problem in August and confessed EVERYTHING to my wife (who coincidentally is named Jennie). Fortunately, she is sticking by me. I’m doing better although recently I have “relapsed” with porn. Today, is the first day of my sobriety. I’m glad that you are out there as an inspiration to those of us who also struggle. I have given up my porn collection although I still have my autographs…maybe one day I can add Jennie Ketcham to replace Penny Flame.
    BTW not sure if you included Cannabis as one of the drugs you gave up. I credit Cannabis with helping me to realize my problem and helping me manage the stress of recovery.
    Love your blog and amazed at the quantity and quality that you write. And with that I’ll pass…

    Reply
  69. It seems almost ironic that I could learn more about myself from your emotions than from my own. Your sincerity is inspiring to someone who is still learning to truly stop watching someone else live their own life. A complete stranger that walked a completely different path has reconnected me to my own hopeful wishes. Thank you Jennie.

    Reply
    • I’d still give my left nut to spread your legs and lick your sweet pussy Jennie – sorry – I know it’s not appropriate but if I had a dime for everytime I blew my nut watching you in a porn? I’d be $57.80 richer in my life!:-) (give or take 20 cents)

      I wish you the best in your new life – but don’t totally dismiss your old life. Just because you were a horny girl doesn’t make you a bad person…You’ll ALWAYS have a place in my heart!

      Peace,
      g33

      Reply
      • Well, dude, that was classy.

        But, JK, Goddess Bless, you got brass ovaries for letting this one get posted. *grin*

  70. I am so glad that I found this site. I am smiling to myself, feeling so proud of a woman I don’t REALLY know..but feel like I have been friends with you for years. Watching you on Dr.Drews rehab, I was drawn to your story, and felt myself relating to a lot of the things you said.

    You beauty, kindness, and intelligence came shining through. I wish you all the luck in the world. You are strong and absolutely amazing!

    And if I can be completely honest..Garth33, you come across as a crass, cold, neanderthal who thinks only with his dick. I sincerely hope you can pull yourself out of the childish mindset you seem to be stuck in and view women as more than sex objects.

    Reply
  71. Hello Jennie,

    I’ve only just started watching “Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew”. Great program, very informative and one I stumbled on due to my own Sex Addiction which had destroyed so much that made me who I am, and I’m only 23. An intimacy and anxiety disorder has acted like the catalyst that fueled my unwanted sexual behaviours. Like you, I became lost and ended up forgetting who I truely was and what true happiness and not just short-lived thrills felt like.

    On a positive note though, I’m currently going through my recovery following a 12-step program. But enough about me…

    I commend you for having the courage as a porn star (when you checked into rehab) to show your face to the whole world and admit that you were a sex addict. That takes some serious balls! The main problem I find these days is that “Sex Addiction” is not taken seriously and is considered by many to be an absolute joke. It’s a tendency that only us sufferers know otherwise.

    I just wanted to say how much respect and admiration I have for you. You are clearly a magnificent woman that has so much to offer as a human being. On the rehab show I was incredibly moved by all the things you’ve had to face and endure over your life, especially as a youngster.

    You have faced your inner demons and are now on a road of self-discovery and development. I wish you all the best for the future.

    Yours Faithfully,
    Martin

    Reply

  72. mrsbasement

    January 11, 2010

    Yay Jennie!

    Reply
  73. I wish you all the best Jennie. Your a very pretty girl who seems to have a good head on your shoulders. your going places. What are you writing Screenplays? Good luck

    Reply
  74. Hey girl !!! Go foward. Everybody make mistakes and it is good to accept your errors and working on. So don’t feel bad, there’s other people worst than you. At least you put all your heart and soul to stand up, get straight and start a new life. Never it’s too late. I understand you. Keep going and stay away from those people who called ” friends” and they still doing drugs & alcohol. Those are not a real friends. Take your time, keep looking inside of you and go foward. Go back to the school and make a good carrier. Find God. Walking with you head up and foward.
    Good luck girl !!!

    Jose

    Reply
  75. Hello.
    Ones past can often be a burden. Be it by the way others see you or by your own inner regrets, or memories. I speak from experience. I wont lie and say I never watched you on video. I have and enjoyed it. Because you always had a sweet smile, looked like a kind person, and while perhaps the lousy industry who exploited you, is truly to blame you cant be held completely culpable for your involvement. There are a lot of creeps in an already creepy industry and I prop you up high for trying to grow once again. Youre one of the true beautys in the world, Im sure you can inspire many people. They say the eyes are the window to a soul and yours show a truly beautiful person inside. Best luck erasing your past. Even better luck to those who may hold it against you for they are more lost then you ever may have been. P.S. smoke a spleef for me!

    Reply
  76. Jennie – I watched the episodes for the first time this week, and your strength is truly inspirational. Love the positivity found on this blog! Keep it up ;)

    Reply

  77. firefall

    March 8, 2010

    Wow, tough break to make: all the best luck in the world to you. Each day is a precious victory, I know from my own, relatively trivial, addiction break.

    Reply
  78. Hi,I saw you on Last Call with Carson Daly and I wanted to be sure and come on here and tell you how awe-some you are.The most beautiful thing I heard was when you cried and you said you felt sad,but that was okay,it was better than feeling nothing.I can’t tell you how many people I know that do such destructive things just to not feel any ounce of sadness because they think that life is supposed to only be good and happy at all times.You are an inspiration and I hope many will learn from you and I hope you know you are supported out here in the real world.

    Reply
  79. I stumbled across your diary, and it seems that you have a great deal to say, and an ability to say it well. I encourage you to keep up the work (the life). If you’re looking for a book to read this Spring, I recommend Three Cups of Tea. I just starte it, and it is much more than the “inspirational” book it might seem to be. Yes, it inspires. But it also informs (how many know what the word “Muslim” means?) and entertains. And, yes, it will tug on your heart and inspire you to see yourself as a helper, not just a helped.

    Reply

  80. Greg Kellogg

    March 17, 2010

    Hi, Ms. Ketcham. I really must say that I was very impressed with you on Sex Rehab. You really took the challenge courageously and were very respectful to the others ta boot. Bravo and Kudos to you!

    I just quit smoking after 30 years. I wouldn’t have done it unless I had really wanted to. So, I started asking myself if I really wanted to smoke. Not if liked it, but if all things considered, I really wanted to. Then, it wasn’t long until I quit. You’ll be able to beat that, too. If you haven’t already, just watch the film ‘The Insider’. That really “stuck in my craw”.

    The main reason I am writing is to say that I was really impressed with your artwork. It looks original, vibrant and tells a timely story. I’m sure that someone with your connections would be able to sell a clothing line, or even have things commissioned for CD covers, or the like. Wouldn’t it be great if you could make a living in that field? Maybe you could even donate a percentage of proceeds to some charity that works with kids on the street, or something. That would be a real win, win. Wouldn’t that feel great?

    I know you’re in the process of finding yourself, but it is my understanding in life that we become what we create. You seem to have real talent. Your a stand-up sort of person, courageous, thoughtful, respectful. You would do well applying your attributes in the rock n’ roll world. Perhaps, you could initiate some kind of campaign to raise awareness and funds for rehabs for street kids? You would be the perfect ambassador for something of that nature, and it might be kind of fun, as well. I wonder what Dr. Drew would think? Maybe, you guys could workshop some ideas?

    Actually, I have a friend who writes for Classic Rock magazine and some other lesser know ones. He may be interested in interviewing you for his weekly pod-cast. He has had former porn stars on the show before. You seem to have a fresh insight and it might even serve as a catalyst for something much bigger. Besides, I think his show could use a kick in another direction. It seems a bit aimless at times. In any case, here’s the link to his website:

    http://www.moviesaboutgirls.com

    Please, let me know if you have any questions. Best of luck in all you do!

    -Greg.

    Reply
  81. hey jennie, you dont know me and i dont know you but i used to be a fan of yours when you did porn. i am very impressed by your change in lifestyle and admit that i myself have been addicted to porn in the past. keep up the good work, and remember that every life has a purpose and meaning, even if you dont realize what that purpose was until your life is over. your life is just as precious as anyone elses :)

    Reply
  82. wow!!! keep up the good work, always keep a level head and keep your goals in sight

    Reply
  83. Thanks for this blog! its helpin a lot of people i’m sure so keep up the great work if you can !

    Reply
  84. jenny
    this is so cool i have a message for you from your higher power and he
    will confirm it to you by two or three witnesses so you know its him
    “who am I and what is my name?” you dont have to tell me anything this
    is totally betwween you and him watch and see if its the truth you’ll
    know by it being confirmed by two or three witnesses. dont look at the
    messenger just the message is it true then do it if its the truth if it
    doesn’t confirm then im an idiot !

    Reply

  85. Brittany

    April 2, 2010

    Hey Jennie, I used to work for TJ & Travis with Elite out in the valley in LA. I’m no longer in the industry and am in multiple 12 step programs as well. I just wanted to write and let you know I can relate – you are not alone. Congratulations… it’s a journey for sure, but you sound like you are well on your way. Keep keeping on.

    Reply

  86. marcel

    April 4, 2010

    post some of your paintings…

    Reply
  87. ever read anne frank’s diary? i sat down and read that about a year ago and i came out happy that it seemed like at least one person i could relate was around on this planet even if she died 60+ years ago. reading this makes me know there’s at least been two people. ive never been a pornstar, a drug addict, or an alcoholic but i relate to you in the sense that i just discovered who i am. a diary like anne’s, especially the last entry, made me ok with me even if no one else is.

    Reply

  88. Katherine

    April 9, 2010

    Thank you Jennie.
    Thank you, thank you, thank you.
    Watching you go through both sex rehab and sober house has truly been inspiring.
    You’ve got a spark that enlightens and opens people up.
    Keep using it for good, and never dull it ever again.
    I’m on the road to self-love myself, and I figure if one of my favorite former porn stars can do it.. I certainly can.
    ^_^

    Reply
  89. Jennie,
    Thank you so much for the courage and tenacity that you show! I watched sex rehab season 1 recently and your story touched me. And inspired me to seek my own recovery. At the end of the season your face was so bright and cheery. It made me want my own recovery so bad! I also recently caught a glimpse of you on a show called sober house. Way to go! I really respect who yuo are becoming and I know that there is nothing you can not do!!! You are unstopable! And I love and admire that so much!
    Thanks again from us up here in saskatchewan canada!!

    Reply
  90. Her name is Jennie Ketcham. You may know her as the trampy fuck slut portrayed in adult films. Which is all fine, because only recently has she started to pretend shes better than that. She has answered to the name Jennie, Penny, Bitch and hey woman Since 2001, She has been using this blog for a sense of false identity. forgot Jennie exists. Forgot what Jennie stands for. Forgot everything as it pertains to Penny. In April 2009, she entered into rehab for sex addiction, and after a few days of not knowing who people were speaking to when they’d say Jennie, realized all the interns saw her films too.

    Reply

    • becomingjennie

      April 12, 2010

      I feel sorry for you. It is a shame that you dislike yourself so much you feel the need to project it out onto my pages. Good luck in life, but I’m banning you from my comment portion. There is enough poison in this world, I don’t need any more here.

      Reply
  91. Are you that Jennie on TV ? I don’t know you, I never saw you. But it’s like I get this feeling your like Bambi and when you slip on the ice your back side is all I can bump into… If I was following you, because your scent matches mine and I fell in love at blinding speed, like something from out of the sky, a star you are. But what if I said you can’t go backwards. So what do you do? Would you look for an open relationship with someone who loved you, unconditionally? A guy like that would be cool, right? But who is Jennie, and how do you get that good stuff put back in place? hmmm ? I am going to take a little break…

    Reply
  92. I just clicked on the wrong button. I wonder what happened there…

    Reply
  93. There is so much I want to say. Another way. You make me think so much.

    There is a way to heal your aura, and align your aura. If your perception is powerful you could be collecting and retaining negative energy, and just plain old energy that is not yours, which interferes with your true abilities to perceive. There are these neutral healers on the West Coast that teach and heal, and initially can remove all the negative energy. And they can align your aura, so that your aura is defined within your being. If you think of a string connected from your pelvis to the center of the earth, and nothing can interfere with the string, and no other energy can interfere with the string that is tight to the earth, you can let all the negative energy be absorbed by the earth. It is a visualization, and it involves you letting go of energy, and those feelings that you don’t like. They can teach you to control your aura, and heal yourself.

    If you perceive too much, you will collect all this energy, and it clouds your thoughts. If you are neutral, you perceive all these other things. When you dream you go to really cool places because your neutral. It’s good with meditation like yoga. There are glands on the forehead and side that can be also massaged by someone massagenistic to assist in centering your aura to within your body. They say the RNA influences the DNA, so your environment will influence your RNA, which ultimately influences your DNA. Your Aura can be influenced by your environment, and it’s good to not have anyones energy sometimes. And you have to remember to release the string from the center of the earth and let it fall over your shoulder with your beautiful hair.

    There are things you know I don’t. There are things I know you don’t. If you feel that, being neutral lets you not take on negative energy. When you loose your identity, its like a rogue. Its like from the shadows.

    Jennifer. Jennie. JM

    Rob

    Reply
  94. Hello Jennie, i have been following you on Sex Rehab and Sober House and become to have a new outlook for you and excited to see where you are going and how you have grown. But am wondering why you are still having so many personal websites offering porn and writing info. or is this a person scamming to be you but using your material? It just seems if you were tying to go away and knowing how much you have harmed and others have harmed you why would you continue to put that stuff out there? or is it for a financial benefit? It just doesn’t match up to the new you, fighting that addict behavior and becoming a new individual not a tool used by the sex industry.
    Blessings to you and your future, i pray for you often to continue on this great journey.

    Reply

    • becomingjennie

      April 25, 2010

      I have a few differed sites up on the internet, this site, my art site (http://www.jennieart.com), a site I set up to sell merchandise and never actually committed to selling anything (pennymerch.com) and then PennyFlame.com. PF.com is not really my site. I mean it is, I own it, but it is a splash page that leads directly to the Vivid website. The movies on there that are mine are movies I’d done as a working adult actress, and if that simple page, with no effort on my own part, can bring in a few hundred dollars a month, then I will leave it up. I will eventually end up taking the site down, but not because I feel it is “hurting anyone.” I will eventually take it down because that extra few hundred dollars isn’t instrumental in me eating, paying rent and providing for myself. I have not been “used” by the adult industry as you may like to think. I made choices, and am accountable for those decisions.

      As far as the “harming” thing you mentioned. The only person I’ve harmed by performing in movies is myself (and perhaps my little bro), and nobody “harmed” me. It was only once I quit and attempted to lead a quasi-normal life that I understood the harm I’d done myself. Unfortunately, these things would have transpired irregardless of pornography~ porn provided the safest place for me to explore my own sexuality… I have not hurt the people viewing my porn. Never held a gun to anybodies head and said “you must watch my porn regardless of whether you want to or not.” The viewers have free will, I do not take responsibility for those who view, for those with addictions etc. I would not perform now, but that is because I don’t want to be a porn star.

      Hope this makes sense.

      Reply
      • I agree Jennie. Totally. A star is a person, an individual, a being.

        Business is business. Hey, want to marry a poor guy and eat rabbit food ? I mean come on there. Heck, wasn’t it only “a millon years ago” people just humped everything? I think there was a movie about that… well not much has changed, except others just watch others and then comment wether the hump was a good hump, a meduim hump, or a super doggie horny hump. ( ruff )

        But really, who cares about what some “guy” says. If people really knew people, or really ourselves, or if we were actually taught correctly about sex, then why question about what someone enjoys entirely, while surviving within todays society. I think people should read about what men really can do, and then limit the comment.

        Fuck, why everytime I come here I get so horny. Wish I lived in Jennie’s world. I would sleep on a little doggie blanket at the foot of her bed. Just lay on my tummie, no snoring… paws flopped back… just wake up early…


  95. Remington

    May 2, 2010

    You like alot of us are addicted to something. If its bad or good for us is when the hard part comes. When a person can clearly see pass the addiction is the first step or was for me. God bless you and keep you eye on the cross.

    Reply
  96. I just wanted to congratulate you on your incredible job staying sober. I have close friends who struggle with addiction and I know how hard it is to climb your way out of it. I have followed your story via VH1 and was interested in how you were doing so I looked you up. You’re blog was so interesting I found myself reading posts from months ago until I just about read each one. You’re an inspiring writer and sucess story and not only have you encouraged my own desire to follow my dream career but you’ve also encouraged me to quit smoking beginning tomorrow day 1. I have quit in the past, months at a time, but find myself giving in. I just wanted to thank you for the motivation to try again. I wish you the best in both your sobriety and future. You’re a remarkable woman.

    Reply

  97. chells

    May 7, 2010

    I have to ask a question…
    First off i hope ur doin well! :)
    2nd The tattoo on ur back (the circles) is
    that the dmb coffee rings from their cd?

    in anycase, its pretty cool!

    Reply

    • becomingjennie

      May 9, 2010

      it’s lotus flowers in the early stages of bloom, rising up my spine. A work in progress… gotta get it filled in.

      thank you…

      Reply
  98. On the surface you and I have nothing in common, but in everything you’re going through I see my story – promiscuous double-life, coke and booze addiction – and the accompanying neglect and havoc in jobs, living situations and relationships.

    I can’t tell you how much I enjoy, and learn from, your writing. I love how your scrappy broad side keeps fighting on behalf of your delicate little girl side, and it’s fun cheering them both on.

    Thank you so much for putting yourself out there so openly, it’s helped me immensely.

    Reply
  99. WOW,
    I’m just amazed by what i read!!!
    This is Great Jennie ;)
    Keep believing in yourself and don’t gave up!! and we all support you in your decision and what a great one!!! I have a friend who is her life is missed up i will recommend your blog to her.
    Finally, Be proud of yourself Jenny and Best of luck in your new life!!

    Reply
  100. Sexual sin can be especially devastating, because our sexuality is a profound aspect of our existence. Violating sex is like picking up a highly sophisticated, delicate technological device and using it to hammer nails. In our natural incomprehension, we do not know who we are or how to live. Too soon it’s too late.

    But God gives us our virginity back: “You were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God” (1 Corinthians 6:11).

    Sad memories may linger. But they no longer define us, and they are passing away. The truth about us now is this: we are not just patched up versions of what we once were, we are new creations altogether (2 Corinthians 5:17). The new has come. In fact, the new has come back, restoring to us treasures we had once thrown away.

    God be praised.

    Reply
  101. too late bitch !

    Reply
  102. Your rock! Keep it up. You’re my hero

    Reply
  103. I wish you nothing but the best of luck, and contrary to what you may think I’m a fan of porn – but I mostly like bigger women & matures only because they are sans the ego of 25-year-old attention queens… Ya know, the dying to be famous crowd. Frankly, I don’t begrudge women in the slightest for the whole sex-for-money thing, but the tattoos and nonstop use of the word “dude” – ugh! Anyway, I just do not understand why you use the photos that you do on myspace if you want out of the porn industry. The attention must be a real rush, and a hard thing to willingly give up, but if you want to truly give the intellectualism thing a go, don’t you need to post normal, non-pornstar photos of yourself?

    Reply

  104. the King

    August 11, 2010

    Who cares?

    Reply
  105. Hot webcams with live cam girls

    Reply
  106. u the best girl in world

    Reply
  107. I wondered what happened to you. Good luck Jennie and I wish the real you the best in life. You are a beautiful person inside and out.

    Reply

  108. charlie baird

    September 14, 2010

    First off let me say I never knew who you were until I saw you on the rehab show. You got guts to go throught all that you have. Good luck with connecting with yourself again and remember that you’re like that canvas and when you finish you’ll be priceless.

    Reply
  109. I’ve been reading a bit about you on Wikipedia and your blog here, and I have a question for you; I hope it’s not a rude question (I’m really not sure), but if you think so then please delete or ignore it:

    I’m just curious about ‘sex after sex addiction.’ After going through what you went through, do you now view sex itself in a somewhat negative light, as if the act itself is addictive and problematic? Or is it just ‘porn-style’ sex, and the extremely voyeuristic aspect of it, that now seems like it is unhealthy?

    Sorry if I didn’t phrase that very clearly — hopefully you understand what I mean :)

    Reply
  110. You seem like such an amazing person, Jennie. I wish you the very best in your journey.

    Reply
  111. Hi:) Penny Flame was my favourite pornstar, but
    I am glad that You have know chance to be happy
    .I am now in the same point as you are but
    difrrent situation I treat personal disorder.
    I wish you good luck Jenny:)
    From Poland with love:)

    Reply
  112. Quite a beautiful website. I built mine and i was looking for some ideas and you gave me a few. Did you develop the website alone?

    Thank you

    Reply
  113. I think you are absolutely lovely and glad you are nurturing the flame on the onside instead of wearing “Flame” as a disguise! Of all the women (and men) who perform on Mr. Acworth’s websites, you had the sweetest, brightest presence – even when you were playing at being not so sweet! ;o)

    You impress me as someone who can do anything she sets her mind to. Good luck with everything!

    Reply
  114. I’m a big fan of your movies and I’m upset that there will be no more, but at the same time I’m glad to hear that you’re changing your life for the better.

    I’d like to think that all of my favourite actresses are doing it because they like it, but I guess that’s not always the case.

    Reply
  115. Dear Jennie
    While I must admit, I’ve been a fan of “Penny Flame” for some years, I am happy that you are trying to change your life for the better. The best of luck to you on this new journey

    Reply
  116. Dear Jennie:
    You have a rocking body. Just saying. You and I both struggle… Trying to stop porn addicton is WAAAYY harder when it’s you in the picture!! But good luck! I’ll always remember you as Penny, no offense.

    Reply

  117. Jannah Kotromanic

    February 3, 2011

    Friedrich Nietzsche once said: No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.
    You inspire me to find out more about who I really am before everything bad happened to me as a kid. I want to be a little bit more self aware and a lot more of myself than I am used to. Simply put, thank you.

    Reply
  118. Hi Jenny, I came across your entry to recovery when I did a search for Penny Flame’s birthday. I’ve liked you since the first time I saw you a few years ago. I’m glad you’ve found a new way of life, not for judgement of the old one but for the happiness it has brought to your life. I won’t be able to look at your old pics and videos any more. At this point it would amount to abuse. I don’t want to be there. Just so you know (like you don’t already) I think that even fully dressed you are a beautiful woman and I’ll be interested in what you bring to the world in your new life.

    Reply
  119. hey good luck. look at the lists of entertainers meeting a terrible ending, and you wont be able to get to the end. its a sorry state when its public. good luck jennie, you have ots of support, just keep searching xx

    Reply
  120. Keep up the good work in your recovery! I’m happy to say I’ve never heard of you before today, and only learned of your blog through a recovery site. Amazing how things change isn’t it :)

    http://stark-raving-sober.blogspot.com/

    Reply
  121. Jenny,

    I am a married 46 year old father. I worked in the production side of the adult industry for a while. People on the outside of the business can never truly understand what is like on the inside. I watched you on Celebrity Rehab and was immediately taken with your sharp mind and naturally inquisitve nature. It seemed as though you were trying to feel genuine emotion, but you were so scarred that as it is with flesh, you had become desinsitised and needed to keep increasing the pain just to feel anything. I am truly heartened by your ongoing recovery. I am also saddened by the often vile comments people make. The fact that you have opened yourself up like this and made your journey a shared one, just re-enforces my good feelings about you.

    Keep moving in the right direction Jenny. You are one of the good ones…I am just glad you finally are starting to see that too. Just remember people you have never met have been touched and changed for the better by you. I am one of them. Thanks.

    Marc

    Reply

  122. Tired and Frustrated

    March 3, 2011

    I think it’s so great how you are changing your life. I know it takes a lot of courage and sacrifice. I’ve date several woman who work in adult entertainment and it’s always the same story. They think we can have a normal life but they aren’t willing to do what they need to in order to better their situation. It is so much about the drugs and fun and money. My most recent girlfriend is the worst of all. We became close because I was her safety and protection after a childhood of abuse and being raped at 13. She abused drugs for several years and almost died. We became friends and then more. I thought things would be okay but in the end she was more interested in what I couldn’t provide her than being happy. I spent more time protecting her and fixing her problems than worrying about anything in my life until I lost almost everything. Now she still gets herself into trouble and I still have to bail her out… and if I don’t it’s the same threats that she will just post ads on Craigslist to get the money to pay off her drug dealer friend who she stole from. Sometimes I have to pay her way out of trouble or jail and sometimes I have to physically protect her. I know I’m enabling her but I can’t walk away either. I wish she was as strong as you and becomes as great as I know she should be. I’m just really tired and frustrated.

    Reply

  123. Alessandra Roder

    March 7, 2011

    You’re absolutely gorgeous ^-^
    Good luck with everything and i’m sure you’ll do fantastically with all future endeavors :) <3

    Reply

  124. Motivatoroncrack@yahoo.com

    March 8, 2011

    Believe in yourself and you’ll find who you are in time. God bless and stay true to yourself. :D

    Reply
  125. Jennie,

    I’m an old fan and I saw your addiction for what it was back in your former career — I even shared in it).

    It brings me extreme joy to see you on the path to good living and good mental health.

    We’ll likely never meet, but if we did I’d be the guy smiling at you from behind a few tears of pride :).

    Stay strong and keep up the good fight. I wish nothing but the best for you and those you’re close to.

    Reply
  126. Jennie,

    I was a fan of your ancient life but in reading what you said about your desire to get an identity in the “real” world, I understand that watching porn movies is not real. All of this is pure fantasy, the real life doesn’t go like that, woman don’t do (or rarely) thos things, sex without love is not satisfying and watching those kind of things get you far away for the real world and all the things that belong to it, good or bad.
    I’m very admiring the risks that you take quitting your life and trying to become what you really are. You jump into reality and you face it with confidence what couldl happening !
    I think you do what all people on earth should do, listening to yourself, the woman and the man that are inside your mind and try to get them together for the best.
    I wish that you’ll be happy in your new life and that all the angels from the sky will take care of you and guide you the best they can.

    ps:sorry for my English :-)

    Reply
  127. Jennie – Congrats on your 2 years of the return to the real you! Hope you continue to be happy and strong!

    Reply
  128. Hello Jennie. This is the first time I have written a comment on your fine site but I have been reading it with interest for some time. I admit that when I first came to your site it was largely out of a sense of prurient curiosity but very quickly that changed to genuine interest in your life and your own going struggle to find out who you truly are. I came expecting to find a porn star I left having found a human being.

    Your story has also struck more than few chords with me. I couple of years ago I reached my fortieth birthday and of course the old cliché of the mid-life crisis struck me squarely between the eyes. I realized that apart from my immediate family I had no one who truly mattered in my life and I didn’t even have a true sense of my own identity. I have been working since I was sixteen years old and apart from my working personae – I am a salesman – I truly had little personality of my own. Instead I merely followed the crowd and rarely stated an opinion of my own and if I did that opinion was merely a re-hash of something I had read or heard. In short I was nothing but a dull automaton following a path that would never give me any sense of fulfilment or self-worth.

    Now the normal reaction to this kind of mid-life realization is to either grow your hair long, but a Porsche or start dating much, much younger women. Thankfully I had the good sense to avoid these clichéd routes because ultimately they are as meaningless as giving your life to a dull day-to-day job. Instead I started to write, just for my own amusement, I didn’t then or now have any intention of publishing anything I have written. The great thing about writing is that it demands that you confront yourself; it demands that you think and it demands that you create. There is nothing quite so satisfying as creating a well-turned phrase and there is nothing quite so scary as looking into your own soul and turning that morass of fear, joy, hate and hope into words.

    What I admire about you Jennie is that you have managed to do that very thing with wit and understanding. You have taken your own personal ongoing story and make it both intimate and universal at the same time. I am a forty-two year old Englishman who has lived an incredibly uneventful life and yet when you talk about realizing that you had lived most of your life and yet had no true identity I totally related to that experience.

    I hope that you continue to write and I do hope that you someday soon complete a memoir of your extraordinary life so far. You have an ability to write with candour about yourself that never becomes mere self-indulgence because you manage to speak to issues that people of all ages and backgrounds can relate to.

    Your voice is clear, your voice is true and long may it speak Jennie Ketcham.

    Reply

    • becomingjennie

      April 8, 2011

      Thank you Simon, I am honored to share this road with you…

      Reply

  129. Noah McKenzie

    April 22, 2011

    I wish you the best of luck on the path you are taking, Jennie. You’re a strong person for even attempting it, so I think you have a very lively and fulfilling life ahead. :)

    Reply
  130. Fascinating introduction–you are obviously having a fascinating life!

    Reply

  131. george

    May 3, 2011

    hey Jennifer i hope you get this. i am a now normal 25 yr old man who has committed ALOT of bad things in my life. i myself had the same disorder as yourself. i came from a childhood without my family being there for me and never had love and affection, i abused alcohol, drugs, and alot of anabolic steroids and viagra that i never needed. i myself got treatment here in sydney australia and now am happy in a relationship and feel the emptiness in my life gone! i found god and teach young children who are troubled to be decent people and focus on their studies to better their lives. i was a drug dealer and my life style landed me in jail for 12 months however that didnt scare me because i was larger than everyone in there! also as a competitive body builder i attracted attention form wrong women.

    however i am in sorrow i feel like i detrayed peoples trust just be a jerk and get myself a fix. theres just so much id like to share but i dont know where to start.
    please dont be freaked out by me this is the first time ive ever done anything like this.

    i hope you never look at back at your old life and build yourself in to the beautiful flower youve become.

    god bless you Jennifer, you rock! :D

    Reply

  132. Michelle

    May 15, 2011

    Dear…Jennie? Are you still becoming Jennie? Are you Jennie yet, may I call you Jennie?
    I’ll call you Jennie for now, cuz you know, I think if anything, it is your most deserving title, and I’m sure you’re used to it by now. After all of it you deserve to be known as Jennie Ketcham, anyway.

    So, Jennie. I read your Huffington Post post. About Osama and the bane of live comedy. You’re a writer! I’ll explain to you in a mo why that fact excites me. First I’ll say hi, and that I actually think you are..really cool..for lack of a less pretentious but more appropriate descriptive!! I’m almost 20, female, and attending a CSU. And i only know of you, because I..indulge in free online porn..I hope you’re not mad that I’d bring that up. The point is, I’ve never googled a pornstar’s name, but something about you made me. Dude, don’t be mad, but I think it’s because I thought you were good. And when I say good, I mean..Ya turned me on, and I’m strait btw, but I connected with..your..(for lack of better fucking word, dammit) talent. Your obvious desire to charm. You were charming, yea, thats it, but..it made me sad. :( To realize how much you thought you needed to be. (Whenever I hear dudes tell chicks who are producing a “first porn scene” and they say “she’s talented, I squint. What a…devious way to describe it.)

    And so googling led me to your old website. Ya, darn the immortality of the internet, I know. And I read everything on it. I read more than I..viewed, so to speak. Hot pics, hot vids, but your writing turned my brain on. I sensed bitterness. I sensed capability! You can write, and obviously you loved writing, for all the pics and vids you had on it, I’ll guess that the written parts were your real pride and joy. And you talked about being lonely. And I thought to myself, oh, no…I literally frowned. How old is this site? Is she still…lonely? Everything aside, i genuinely like this girl, and..i actually began to kinda, like, hope? I thought about commenting, you should write a book. I even googled this, word for word “do pornstars write novels?” (So know you know why the fact that you write for a news website and blog is so thrilling to me)

    And lo and behold, your wikipedia page, it made me tear up, when I found it, cuz I figured it out finally, that you weren’t Penny Flame anymore, and it seemed to me that that was..like..iono. A happy ending. Like, not just a storybook happy ending, like a real life happy ending. And and and…you’re a hella cool chick, I appreciate your struggle, I’m young and almost had an encounter with the porn industry, but ppl who loved me showed me I didn’t need it, and…yea. I struggle with knowing myself. I struggle. (Anxiety, depression. Attention hungry. Exhibitionist. No substance abuse thus far, thankfully) But nothing like how you’ve struggled, and its inspiring, is what I’ve got to say finally. I just wanted to show you how, a total stranger, actually vouched for you even before they even knew what you managed to do! It was like, when you read a book you know? And you root for the main character, cuz you want them to win in the end? I was doing that. I didn’t know that you had already won!

    Well, technically, you’re still winning. Not to quote Charlie. But its called “becoming jennie”, so maybe you don’t think you’ve won yet. Weeell, got to say, you’re always gonna be becoming jennie, just like im always becoming michelle, and everybody is always becoming themselves. Its just who you choose to become, you know. And I love your choice, and am so proud, and happy, and fuck UCLA dude, those cocksuckers over in admittance don’t know what they’re missing.

    that was a joke. but not entirely. ;)

    you go girl <3

    Reply

  133. Venezuelan

    May 18, 2011

    Greetings from the caribean! and dont worry… here in venezuela they dont sell your character (flame) on the street… time heal everything…

    Reply

  134. lilian

    May 28, 2011

    bonjour je suis un francais et j ai vu aujourd hui un reportage sur votre combat. je tenais a vous dire quel courage continuez dans votre perseverance….. continue votre peinture aussi!!! bravo

    Reply

  135. Sasha

    May 31, 2011

    I am truly happy for you. Now you do have a great chance at life again. Unfortunately our past will always be with us but we cannot let it determine our future. Your blogs are filled with emotions that I go through on a daily basis though I may not share your struggles. It is also great to see that you are excelling in school wish you all the best from NEW YORK CITY. Muah.

    Reply

  136. Chris

    June 4, 2011

    Hey Jennie. I’m 25 years old and a recovering sex/lust addict. Your blog is great and a good way to express what’s going on with you as you live one day at a time. I went to S.A. for a little while, but it never really clicked with me. I’ve actually been seeking after God and just trying to remember that every person is a creation of His and is not just an object.

    Keep up the good work.

    -Chris

    Reply

  137. SomerandomDOOD

    June 7, 2011

    I touch myself to your video’s..thanks

    Reply
  138. Get that book finished! I can’t believe how much people write in their blogs these days lol! You really do bare all!

    Reply

  139. George

    June 19, 2011

    Ms. Ketcham,

    I can’t speak for others, but for myself, I have learned that there is no “right” path, only the path I’ve taken.
    The path I’ve taken is less than acceptable to world, but nevertheless, it is mine, right or wrong. It is what makes me who I am today. I can only hope that the path I take will make me the person I want to be, or rather the person I can accept as friend. I hope you can do the same. Don’t live to others expectations, live life that makes you happy and content.

    Welcome back, Ms. Ketcham, enjoy life.

    Reply
  140. Hey, I just want to say that I admire your decision and the path you are choosing to take. Best of luck in the future you have my blessings.

    Reply
  141. Jennie,

    What a lot of people tend to forget or choose to ignore, is the fact that porn stars are people too. People with feelings, opinions and goals. You say that it is not the industrys’ fault, and I believe you are right. It isn’t the industry’s fault, it is ours, the viewers, the people that drive the industry. I am ashamed to say that I had heard of you before celebrity rehab, and before this blog. I realize now there is much more to you than a pretty face and I truly hope that through this website you will inspire people with similar problems to change their life for the better as you have.Although I am not even 20 yet, you have taught me that no matter how rough things get, I should never lose sight of who I really am. You have brought to light the true sickness that is the porn industry as portraying people as they really are would not prove to be good for business. You possess so much intelligence and talent that you have the ability to pursue anything you want. Screw what everyone else wants, you have more than earned the right to be the person you want to be, the painter, the writer, or whatever.

    I’m honestly not sure why I’m writing this, I’m not the kind of guy to post my opinions on the net. For some reason I just had to. I would really like to hear from you somehow, if you even read my comment, but I understand you are probably busy.

    You are a great person Jennie, but i think you knew that all along.

    Reply

    • becomingjennie

      August 10, 2011

      Thank you Daniel, for your thoughtful words. I think that if you are not even twenty yet, you have quite an incredible life ahead of you, if you truly possess the heart and soul that comes shining through this simple yet deeply complex comment. I am honored to be a part of that life, and look forward to updates on the amazing journeys ahead of you.

      xo
      J

      Reply

  142. jennieskids

    August 12, 2011

    I watched your rehab after going through rehab myself and it made me realize I’m not alone. It helped so much to see you guys doing the same things I did and watch all the emotions I felt at that time.

    Just want to say thanks for being so open. Good luck and always keep in touch with your friends Duncan and Kendra and all of them. I hope they’re all happy and content wherever they are. Time heals all.

    Reply
  143. Hey Jennie. I feel so encouraged to continue figthing for I love the most. I just wanted to thank you and cheer you up to continue on your new life. Remeber you are not alone.

    Reply
  144. good luck love. stay strong and believe in yourself. you’re stronger than you know. take care

    Reply
  145. Hi – I have a question – if porn is so toxic, how can it also be benign?

    Or put another way, if it’s a healthy expression of human sexuality, how can it also be the catalyst and expression of so much misery?

    I have discovered a psychological split in myself – There is the one part which embraces and is thankful for the adult industry, it’s varied product and the laws which permit it’s distribution.

    There is another part of me which recognizes my childhood sexual abuse as real. This part finds the need to recreate that overwhelming stimulation I experienced as a child as addictive and tragic. Porn remains, for me at least, the delivery system for that traumatic recreation.

    How can one drink deeply from it and at the same time attempt to get healthy? It seems irreconcilable. Those who embrace it are adamant about it’s legitimacy and the health it expresses and provides. Those who don’t, see it as a ghastly expression of derailed need. It can’t be both, can it?

    I don’t wish to demonize it – there’s no chance that it will vanish any more than adultery or driving too fast. I just want to know where one should stand, in your opinion – your blog and your courageous journey have helped me recognize that you might have a thought or two about it.
    Hoping you have a moment to reply.

    Reply

  146. Holden Caulfield

    December 5, 2011

    Wow. Kinda just in shock right now. Ok, since we’re all confessing our past and present, I’m here because I was – am – one of those guys who held Penny Flame up in a certain light, put her on my own pedestal, and created my own set of dreams of, for, and “with” her.

    Addiction is something I have experience with; in a different form, I watched my father proudly embrace tobacco and alcohol until his death. For eight years it cost him more than I almost want to repeat describing. But as Michael Douglas said and Roger Ebert can show you, if you’re going to get cancer, throat cancer is the kind you don’t want to get. My dad had the Ebert kind of surgery – twice – and the last four years of his life was spent without his tongue. He ate through a feeding tube, which usually included about a half gallon of gin or vodka in about a day, then a week of stupor sometimes spent mostly on the floor. His last day saw two half-gallons, and that’s how I found him.

    But sex addiction…I’m walking in from the outside to know about this. I dont’ watch reality TV; I’m overwhelmed by the reality that greets me every morning I wake up.

    Dad was told it was either twelve steps or nothing; he never could find any gods (nor can I) and so he chose nothing. I was the dumb fool who tried to organize the intervention, and it cost me three years of knowing him as when it failed we were estranged…we reunited when I swallowed all the pain, pride, and guilt of his addictions for him once he had the cancer.

    Why would I unleash all that on Penny Flame’s website –

    Because porn does have it’s dark side; I can imagine sex for sex sake does, too, but I’ve never been there. Spent most of my life alone just because I’m the guy who just makes people uncomfortable. Not ugly, not stupid, not dangerous or evil, just awkward. if there’s one thing that everybody else knows not to say or do, I’ll be the first one to say it or do it. Just a talent, I guess.

    But Penny Flame…there was so much joy in her. I’m the BD and SM addict; vanilla sex was baseball cards for me…never saw the point. But once the ropes, cuffs, whips and gags came out, I could not turn away.

    Most of the Dommes always had the permanent scowl on their face; the tough-bitch, Cruella DeVille, overdramatized act that had to be bullshit because anyone that evil and aloof would be devoured by the first unstable guy she met. I wanted someone to kidnap me because they wanted a toy, more than the ransom. They wanted to really **** with me and make me suffer all the things they felt in their life, but they couldn’t tear into me too hard – might damage the boy and sacrifice the ransom, right? So they pushed me just far enough to feed their own hunger for amusement at my expense, then dusted me off and sent me back to collect the ransom.

    Penny was always smiling. GRRRRRRRRRR I loved that smile. And she growled; with her head down and her eyes up, smiling like this was going to be so much fun for her, and the guy was just the next toy for the dog to chew up and rip the squeaker out of.

    I loved it that she had so much fun….FUN…tormenting her victims.

    I seriously pondered whether I could take it if I applied to Kink.com and begged, pleaded that only you-know-who could have me.

    I wanted to see someone have fun while I suffered for it, and there was just the perfect mix of genuine sadism combined with “but he’s so cute and I don’t want to ruin it” amusement in her scenes.

    And now to read that it all fell under the heading of “addiction”; I’ll have to read more, but the initial shock is just setting in. I was serious – I’ve never done anything public in my life, because if I want to lead an otherwise normal life, the moment one jumps on that stage the normal life KNOWS and it’s over. But Penny Flame, that would have been worth it. I just wanted to see that smile while my endorphines worked overtime to deal with all that pain she was grinning about.

    I think what I mean to say is that it’s heartbreaking to right now realize that what I saw as a person having the time of her life has now been re-classified to be the same “addiction”; I saw in my father that led him to keep consuming all the things that were killing him, more and more each day as more of his life became unbearable.

    To imagine that cute, smiling, hungry woman being overwhelmed by what we enjoyed in her as an ‘addiction’, that she’s now “sober” from….I feel guilty now. Like somehow I contributed to all of that.

    Very uncomfortable.

    So I imagine what if my dad had been able to put down and walk away from the things that were consuming him, if he could have done it early enough in his life that would have prevented all the things that eventually consumed him. (which would have had to be about ten years before I was born), what if Jennifer Ketcham is just now walking through that door which puts her life back on a path that she can lead, instead of the path leading her.

    How can I say that I’m disappointed in that? Surely I can’t.

    Surely I’m not.

    Everyone has to walk their own path in life; at least the happy ones finally get to a point where they walk the one they want to walk, instead of following someone else or feeling compelled to walk some path that they would rather not be on….the road less taken has made all the difference, so the road taken by ones own volition must be the one to make even more difference still.

    My wish for you, Jennie, is that you are happy – again. I will remember that smile I saw, that hunger in your eyes for whatever you were after at in those moments, I will still mark your enthusiasm as the one charge in the room that did not seem rehearsed, forced, faked or simply offered because it was a job. The reason some of us were so fascinated with your character Penny Flame is that whoever she was surely made it look like at that moment, with that partner was where she wanted to be, with who she wanted to be with, doing what she wanted to do.

    If the rest of your life turns out to be as genuine as you played out your former life in Penny Flame…then wow, Jennifer Ketcham is going to spin the world backwards and off it’s axis if she wants to.

    I hope what I’m saying doesn’t sound like a deluded groupie or just contrived; I was serious when I said that If I ever had the courage to walk through the doors of the SF armory and put my face in a scene, it came closest to reality when I imagined Penny Flame giggling and grinning while I clenched down and wailed in pain. I wanted to be with someone who consumed my suffering because that was her joy, and I saw few people in twenty years of chasing this stuff who ever wore expressions like Penny Flame. Few people in any capacity, let alone porn, really looked that hungry for the fun they surely seemed to be having.

    So Penny Flame has been put away now,

    and I will say without further lament that I hope to see Jenny smiling and enthusiastic for whatever she “captures” in her life to come.

    For what it’s worth, don’t ever be ashamed or regret that time you spent in the character known as Penny.

    She – you – she – left some big footprints in the sand, at that’s how some of us will always see “you”. If that path is no longer taking you places you want to see to do the things you want to do, my wish is that you find those places and do those things with the same kind of energy – and that incomparable smile and those brilliant eyes – that you had when you carved a niche in space and time as Penny Flame. A place, a character, that genuinely left a lot of people thinking (at least one I know for sure) “Wow, now there is someone I would really like to know, just for a while, because I could never come close to being all that she’s going to want in the world”.

    Be well. Find peace, on your own terms, in your time, and be proud of all that you do – and have done!

    Thank you, Jenny.

    Reply
  147. Jennie,

    Our paths are not the same, but they seem to be similar in that they are a journey, on-going, towards self. In the steeper parts of my travels I find myself at your corner of the web, being reminded that a seeker can have clarity and candor, and that the journey is probably the most important thing that defines self.

    Your words, and story, remind me (and I suspect others) that one can continue to seek oneself, and still be a whole person. A reminder that it seems I need often.

    May the road rise to meet you, and the wind be always at your back. Be well and continue to seek. I intuit that you effect more people than you know.

    Reply
  148. Amazing. I was searching online for you in order to send you monetary tribute. Than I came across this. I am blown away. You are amazing.

    Reply
  149. Hello, i feel that i noticed you visited my site thus i came to return the favor?.I’m trying to in finding issues to improve my website!I guess its ok to make use of some of your ideas!!

    Reply
  150. Hi i loved your dom videos.You should,nt put yourself down just because you like sex…….realy whats the big deal?

    Reply

    • Another Addict

      April 5, 2012

      The deal is when it starts to consume your life and becomes an addiction that washes everything else out of your life. I don’t know Jennie from a tree stump, but I do know addiction. Your comment is like saying to an alcoholic…”Hey you like drinking, why stop?”

      Reply
  151. Thank you for having a pitbull. Aren’t we amazing?

    Reply

  152. David

    May 8, 2012

    Dear Miss Ketchem,

    I’m very glad to see you have made it out of the industry and are doing so well in your life and sobriety. I imagine many people get here the same way I did, wanting to know more about someone they enjoyed watching. My feelings on porn are schizophrenic. On one side I cheer when I read a story like yours and am so glad to see a wonderful young woman such as yourself and others escape that soul rending industry. The other side as a consumer of porn I remain addicted to this soul-rending content. I understand as much as someone outside the industry can how detrimental working in this industry is to young women, physically, spiritually and emotionally, yet I am unable to free my own self from it’s trap. I’m sure you understand that many of us as consumers of porn are also experiencing, physical, spiritual and emotional repercussions because of our involvement with this material. While many won’t admit it to themselves we are affected in similar ways. I am almost 50 yrs old and have been consuming since before you were born. At 11 yrs old a friend from church showed my a Playboy mag and that was the beginning of almost 40 yrs of consumption. It has affected my life in many detrimental ways. I have never been married, nor had a relationship that last more than 6 mos. Intimacy for me or what has masqueraded as intimacy for me has been starring into the eyes of someones daughter while has sex with someone else. I have always believed that women somehow can sense my addiction without me revealing it to them.

    Anyway, too much about me. Jennifer, I pray that you will continue in your success in your life after porn. If you pray, please pray that I too will one day have a life after porn.

    Reply

  153. Oliver Closov

    May 19, 2012

    You have got to get back to porking on film pronto! Everybody has a calling and yours was to spread those legs on camera. You need to comeback in a creative way though, like a 500 man cream pie live event and then have the DVD be all about finding out which one is the daddy. It would be even more entertaining if they were all negros. Now that is great entertainment. Oh and dont worry about adding makeup I think it would add to the effect if you look like you just are getting out of bed. Oh, and bring in a couple of midgets and wheelchair people to pound your pooper so your vaginal muscles can take a 5 min break every now and then. We can call the pay per view special “The Flame Still Burns.” Let me know I would like to be a part of it!

    Reply

    • Mega Lord

      July 1, 2012

      That’s some funny shit Ollie. Jennies story is interesting & certainly reflects my take on the “human condition” But fuck some people take this shit seriously. Life is what it is, people do what they do, spend too much time thinking about yourself seriously at your own peril.

      Great to see someone having a laugh anyway, my advice is if you do something that makes you feel bad learn from it & don’t do again. Don’t wallow in the mire of self pity.

      Reply

  154. jorge santos

    June 15, 2012

    jennie:
    i saw one of your scenes, and now that i see your full story i would like to ask you to forgive me, i was part of the consummers that helped to turn your life into a hell, please forgive me, i will never be part of that again!. you are my heroe!

    Reply
  155. Wow I kind of Hope that Jennie checks these posts every once in a while…… because……. The Ringing Cedars of Russia! I dont know where her email might be, but if you read this Jennie, especially now you are an author, The Ringing Cedars of Russia is a documentary series of books, even though it often reads like a novel, which describes one woman’s dream and how it has all come to change the world we know, through a quest of love on her behalf by the author, Vladimir Megre. They have two children now, a son and a daughter, and even their unique conception is documented in the now finally finnished 10 book series.

    Important enough for one to want you to read.
    Joy to your thoughts!

    Reply
  156. 5:45 P. M. CDT 16 July 2012 Hi. I saw an Aol story about your book and it caused me to think, again, about some emotional issues of mine. Thanks, and darn you, at the same time. Lol at me. You deserve more credit than can ever be given you for trying to ” recover ” and staying the process each day because it is a daily and life-long process. In somewhat modern vernacular, You go Girl ! Keep on working at it. Know thyself ! [ Freud, Aristotle, et al ]

    Reply

    • becomingjennie

      July 18, 2012

      Thank you Gary! I always have a deep appreciation for those willing to throw out slang, only to follow it up with some of my favorite thinker’s thoughts! Glad you get to rethink some things of yours, and glad you are here.

      Reply
  157. Hi Jennie. Thank you for your nice response. Just remember that every day is a new day to either keep moving ahead or to repair the damage to your recovery that occurred yesterday. Keep moving forward ! With you all the way. Gary

    Reply
  158. Lovely¡. I enjoy You and yrs so much.
    Kisses and Blessed Be¡

    Reply

  159. Narcissus

    August 2, 2012

    I find this all to be amusing. I suppose that, after having read the basics of your biography, you aren’t contemptible; in fact, like many others about whom I would share the same opinion, it seems you were dealt a hand in life that corresponds only with the wretched state of things as they exist in the modern world. Surely, encountering divorce early on would rend a child’s healthy development, as has become so clear what with the thousands around us that have to face such a misfortune, and they all seem to be left with voids similar to yours, or problems that they cope with through non-respectable means. Though the horror it must be to do a basic google search of your alias and find abundant reminders of what you were doing in that period of your life, testimonies which, I ought to add, will always be there. (Upon further research of your own attitude concerning this, I find you approach it with slight indifference, detaching yourself from the past and viewing only the present as worthy of recognition. I suppose then I mean if we conceive of where you will be in life 25 years from now, likely healthy as it were, and to still have evidence of that period of your life).

    Curiously however is the fact of your publicity, or rather, that you want to be seen as a former pornstar having transitioned to a more positive life; why not, as I’m sure many others have done, merely accept disillusionment from that wretched career and silently slink into the shadows? Why must you draw attention to yourself about it? Conceive of the struggling alcoholic, or the person with abundant weight, worthy to be lost– these people, under all normal circumstances, would view their ailment to be a profound defect of the self, moreover something which their own choices and habits have brought upon them, and only shame would fill their hearts at the prospect of having to reveal these vicissitudes to others. It takes a different sort of person, I say, one seeking still to be viewed by others who would take the route that you have. I suppose it’s only my error in not taking sufficient time to research all your doings and intentions, and I can rightly conceive of you wanting to help others that are in the same position as your own formerly.

    But at any rate, I have no conclusion or profound revelation to say, your entire circumstance simply appears as amusing. Perhaps its because in that horrid day where I’m feeling terrible enough to the end that some base material pleasure is necessary to return my mind to the balance, one of your videos was my favorite. It was with Monica Sweet, as it were. You are really different, there, I mean genuine & alive in comparison with the standard faire this genre of moving pictures offers.

    Though beyond all doubt, my urging to you is to seek consolation in philosophy. Shun the superficial material world of consumerism & popular culture, and resolve to really live your own life, by tried maxims & sure precepts of the wise. I view you to be exploiting your biography in order to sustain some sort of external fulfillment that is derived from others, rather than finding internal satisfaction. With the orientation of your mind towards Truth, Wisdom, & Eternity, all of this– be it the pornographic past or the public present– would become meaningless to you. If you’re truly an intelligent person and genuinely are living your own life, I find it hard to understand how playing Celebrity fits into that vocation. If somehow you were able to do this: that is, if you were able to throw your existence behind philosophizings of the mind, after having spent much of your life enslaved to material pleasure, you would truly be the model of a Saint, having been tried with Evil and mustered the Good enough to triumph over it. That is, you see, the sole achievement of the Virtuous person. Would that your life found itself taking such a direction, I would be supremely proud of you. As it is, however, you are a curiosity to me.

    Reply
  160. I have just re-discovered your blog. Is there any way to go back (a long time) without clicking on the “Older Posts” button. Is there perhaps a timeline so I can go back as far as needed and catch up?

    Reply
  161. I just bought your book and I am 6 chapters in -I can’t put it down! Congrats to your new life! Remember that you have fans who care about you and are rooting for you.

    Reply
  162. Jennie:
    My roommate got me your book for a bday present and I cannot put it down. I’ve been reading it all day. I love how brutally honest and raw it is. I think it’s great you pulled yourself out of your prior lifestyle. It almost seems impossible. You give others hope everyday and you’re stronger than you think. Smile every day for your second chance at life. And remember that EVERYONE deserves to be loved. :) take care and stay clean and sober!!!

    -L

    Reply
  163. Happy for you. I lead men’s groups that struggle with sexual purity and/or sexual addiction. I am glad you are getting the word out on the reality of SA.

    castimonia.org

    Reply

  164. Brianna

    August 17, 2012

    Hi Jennie! I just finished reading your book yesterday and I am so awestruck by you…THANK YOU for writing this book and telling it like it is. Thank you for your raw honesty. I truly hope that every young woman thinking about getting into the adult entertainment industry will read your story and see that it is not the glamourous, “easy” money they think it will be. You have publicly uncovered the truth behind what really happens to a woman’s soul when she uses her body to get ahead… whether it be for money, for a promotion, higher status, a relationship, etc. You are a truly brave, inspiring, articulate woman and my thoughts and prayers are with you. To have the strength to get out of the industry and start your life over from scratch is AMAZING and you are a strong, beautiful, intelligent chick with a bright future ahead of you. Your attitude is SO inspiring. I am so proud of you that you were able to turn things around for yourself and heal yourself and your family. Jennie, you CAN do it… and you WILL do it. Your life has a greater meaning and purpose than you ever gave yourself credit for. Take care of yourself hunnie XOXOXOXOX

    Reply

    • becomingjennie

      August 20, 2012

      “what happens to a woman’s soul when she uses her body to get ahead.” brilliant line, wish I’d have used it on the cover of the book!!!Thank you for being here Brianna, for participating in my life and allowing me to become a part of yours. xox

      Reply
      • Just reread your memoir, again I am touched by your story….Thank you for taking the time to read and reply to comments :-) It means a lot. You should read “Life on the Other Side” by Sylvia Browne. It is a book that made a deep impact on how I viewed the struggles and abuse I survived in the past and I think you would find it insightful. Take care Jennie, and keep writing!


  165. Ken LeBlanc

    August 23, 2012

    Just read your book. I am a soldier deployed in Afghanistan. I hope that your brother is doing well in the Corps and that this has brought you happiness. I can relate somewhat. My daughters and my son don’t speak with me anymore after my divorce with their mom (She left me for another man) and somehow this is my fault. My heart aches daily at the loss of my family. I cannot sustain a meaningful relationship as I am always looking for that new shiny toy. Mind you my divorce was eight years ago but I long for something meaningful in my life once again. I am afraid it’s too late. I am damaged goods now. Your father and I are one in the same.

    I don’t know how your relationship with the birthday cake eater is going as the book didn’t say but I hope you have found the right man and I am proud of you for recognizing who you father is and that in spite of it all he loved you every single day.

    Peace and happiness to you always Jenni Ketchum.

    Reply

    • becomingjennie

      August 23, 2012

      The birthday cake eater is looking at me right now, loving that he will – from now on – be referred to as the birthday cake eater.

      As far as the divorce goes, I am sorry that you can relate to my father and overjoyed that you can relate to my father, because whether or not you see/feel/know it, there are better days ahead. Perhaps the reason you cannot sustain a meaningful relationship is because your heart is so wounded, you have not allowed it proper time to heal. It is quite the loss, not only your wife but your daughters and son. I believe the potentially good news comes in the idea of being wounded. Wounds will heal. If we let them.

      You are not damaged goods.

      It is not too late.

      You are fighting a different war now than the war that is divorce. When you come home, perhaps you will provide yourself the space, gentleness and help that is required of the healing process. You are not and will never be alone. Even if sometimes you feel like you are, there are millions of other wonderful people across this globe feeling the exact same way.

      My dad had a lot of anger. And so did I. Everything passes with time. You are in my thoughts and prayers tonight. Thank you.

      Reply
  166. I’m glad I found you soul-sister. x

    Reply
  167. I read most your book yesterday. I have been struggling with an addiction to porn for 25 years (though I’ve never seen anything with you in it and after reading your book, have no desire to). While there were a few years where I was able to abstain, relapse still occurred and sucked me back in. I was in a bad marriage and my addiction to porn (and the secrecy and lies that accompanied it) destroyed the last vestige of trust in my already rocky marriage. My son paid the price and it breaks my heart that I played a big role in that. And yet, despite all that, I am still addicted.

    I bought your book because I wanted to see the people involved. I wanted to know them and care for them and their feelings. I have never ever been into pain or bondage or degradation in the images I sought out. I always wanted to believe the fantasy that they were having fun and that they accepted me. Intellectually, of course, I knew that to be a lie. But it was the fantasy. I bought your book because I believe knowing you and those like you in the industry will help me. I’m not putting all of my hope and faith on your book, I know. I have other avenues to help as well and am tapping those. But empathy and compassion, I think, are critical to doing this. Because I want to hate pornography. I want to abhor it and the pain that it causes and the way it uses people and then discards them as unwanted. People are not nothing. People deserve to be loved and appreciated for who they are. I want to be free. And knowing the people who perform helps me. It is helping me. So I want to thank you. I want to say how moved I am by your book and the struggles you live with and the courage you have to face them and move forward and believe. You have brought tears to my eyes so many times over the last few days.

    I just want to say thank you for your story. You help more people than you can possibly know. You have helped me and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you so very much for your story and for letting me see behind the fantasy laden screens to the real and tragically beautiful human beings that seek what we all seek: love and acceptance.

    Reply

    • becomingjennie

      September 7, 2012

      Thank you for sharing this. I found I had a very similar experience when I first started in the rooms of the anonymous sex program, where men would share struggles and suddenly become human. It really helped me to connect with those I’d harmed (not that you have harmed me or any of the women/men in pornography but you know what I mean I hope), and to remember that we all deserve to be loved and appreciated. Thank you for reminding me of that time in my life, and for allowing me to be that for you. xo

      Reply
  168. Wow! How amazing are you? Not only have you astoundingly transformed your own life, but that intense power over other people you projected in a sexual mode you’re now projecting over others in a truly enlightening and healing way. You’re brave, you’re honest, and you’re good! If you get a chance grab yourself a copy of one of the first “self-help” books written: Bertrand Russell’s The Conquest of Happiness, written in 1930 – I think you might find some parts of it really resonate with the life you’re now living. Good luck with your continuing recovery; your story and journey is a real inspiration.

    Reply

    • becomingjennie

      December 30, 2012

      Thank you Anth! I will definitely check out your suggestion – love self-help books! haha… in the final throes of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz…also a wonderful read!

      Reply

      • anthony gagliardi

        December 30, 2012

        Jennie, you’ve had access to some of the most prominent therapists in the States, and here’s someone pointing you to a self-help book hahahaha Thanks for your charitable response! I’d just hate to see you lured back into the world of adult entertainment at some point in the future, as many ex-performers who’ve left the business for several years have, by the money and what money can bring. Russell’s one of the smartest people in the last century in my humble opinion, and even tho’ the book’s quite dated in some of it’s views, he has, I beleive “nailed it” in terms of how to truly be happy and satisfied in life without having plenty of surplus cash. What you’ve done is truly admirable and heartening, and knowing there are people like you in this world has given me a bit of extra strength in terms of that with which I’m currently dealing. Please keep it up! Thanks for your suggestion re: The Four Agreements – I was looking for something to keep me busy over these holiday weeks, so thank you. Also, I saw your article on std testing in the adult industry and do beleive your analysis incorporating Festinger was spot on – nice insight! Thanks for responding, and have an awesome 2013! Date: Sun, 30 Dec 2012 17:11:33 +0000 To: anthonygagliardi@hotmail.com

  169. Jennie, you’ve had access to some of the most prominent therapists in the States, and here’s someone pointing you to a self-help book hahahaha Thanks for your charitable response! I’d just hate to see you lured back into the world of adult entertainment at some point in the future, as many ex-performers who’ve left the business for several years have, by the money and what money can bring. Russell’s one of the smartest people in the last century in my humble opinion, and even tho’ the book’s quite dated in some of it’s views, he has, I beleive “nailed it” in terms of how to truly be happy and satisfied in life without having plenty of surplus cash. What you’ve done is truly admirable and heartening, and knowing there are people like you in this world has given me a bit of extra strength in terms of that with which I’m currently dealing. Please keep it up! Thanks for your suggestion re: The Four Agreements – I was looking for something to keep me busy over these holiday weeks, so thank you. Also, I saw your article on std testing in the adult industry and do believe your analysis incorporating Festinger was spot on – nice insight! Thanks for responding, and have an awesome 2013!

    Reply
  170. Jennie, you are an awesome example of one who seeks self awareness with a courage to look within which is often scary and terrifying for people. I am very impressed. There are some things I’d like to relate to you but feel weird doing it on a blog wall. Can I email you? If yes, my email is gfg022@aol.com and if not ignore me. I will not take offense. Keep up your amazing and inspiring work.

    Reply

  171. Sarah Jane

    January 14, 2013

    I love googling your name to see that you are still in your recovery process. I was so happy to find this out! I was routing for you all this time. It sucks watching people on Dr.Drews show and becoming attached to them and caring about them sometimes when they don’t stay healthy.
    Im going through a tough time with my boyfriend due to my lack of control, respect for him and respect for myself… thanks to LOGO for playing a marathon of SexRehab…. which I watched when it was brand new… I was reminded on how much I was inspired by you. I just am so happy that you are still out there taking charge of your life and not returning to the wreckage you emerged from. Prehaps maybe you will find this note someday when you are feeling down and out. Thanks for your smile, concern for others and your freckles! All I am is a woman trying to be the best I can be. Thanks for your courage and going on television and broadcasting the roughest part of your journey. Sharing is the best way to perpetuate healing. <3 sisters <3 (Also, sharing your story is not a self-help book, lol… I might have to pick this one up… you write beautifully.) :)

    Reply
  172. “Who in the world am I? Becoming Jennie” was indeed a remarkable
    article, cannot wait to read even more of your blogs.

    Time to waste a little time online haha. Regards ,Garry

    Reply
  173. “Who in the world am I? Becoming Jennie” was indeed a good blog post and I really was pretty joyful
    to locate the blog post. Thanks for your effort,Debra

    Reply
  174. I’ve been reading some of your blog postings and I’m very impressed by the honesty and the vulnerability you bring to your writing. You are a lovely person, inside and out, and I’m rooting for you. I hope you have a chance to experience all of the wonderful things life has to offer – respect, kindness, consideration, and love from other human beings – and I hope that you continue to kick ass and take names in your search for yourself. Best wishes, Jennie!

    Reply

  175. Paul Harnett

    September 16, 2013

    Gentle Jenny, Gentle Jenny when was the last time you spent a Penny. It’s great that I found this blog. I always thought there was something different about you when I watched your films. Well done and march on.

    Reply
  176. I think it was the truly amazing Walt Disney who
    explained that curiosity makes uus try new paths.
    I’m truly curious to explore this path together with you and find out where it goes
    to.

    Reply
  177. I came here for the ‘Flight Stimulator’
    :(

    Reply
  178. OK,PKLEAE COME BACK TO PRON I THINK YER SEXY

    Reply
  179. HEY, I WATXHED SOME YOURS VIDEOS,THEY REALLY MOTIVATED ME ,JENNOIE KETCHUM !!!

    Reply
  180. I WANT YOU TO BE MY WIFE, I THINK YER SEXY , WILL YOU MARRY MY PLEAE? THABNKS

    Reply
  181. HI,IT BE AGAIN,JENNIE KETCHUM !! I JUST WANT SAY YOURE REALLY AWESOME !!OK,ILL LEAVE THESE COMMENTS ALONE NOW,OK? BUT THANKS FOR HELPING !!!UYOU AND DOCTOR DREW ARE AWESOME !!

    Reply
  182. HEELO! ITS ME AGAIN ,! HI JENNIE KETCHUM, I WATCH YER VIDEOS SOMETIMES AGAIN OVER AND OVER )(J MEAN THATS WHAT YOU MADE IT FOR ,RIGHT?) ,ANYWAY, YOU A REALLY GOOD ONE !!

    Reply
  183. HEY,WHY IS MY COMMEWNTS AWAITING MODERTION ? I’M JUST SAUYING HOW MUCH OF A FAN I AM !!!

    Reply
  184. FINAL COMMENT, WHILL JENNIE KETCHUM COME MARRY MY? I REALLY THINK SHES BEAUTIFUL (SORRY FOR BOTHERING ANYBODY )

    Reply
  185. OK,WHY THIS INTERNET JUST ALLOWS ANYBOODY TO JUST WRITE WHATVER THEY WANT ?!!! (BLEEPING INTERNET !!!). ANYWAY, I REALLY THINK JENNIE KETCHUM IS COOLL ! (IM A FAN )

    Reply

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