Browsing All Posts filed under »Terrible No Good Very Bad Days«

Life and Death..

August 15, 2010


A very full couple of weeks filled with both life and death, leaving me gasping for air, trying to remain present and authentic. Authenticity remains difficult for me, allowing myself to grieve when I need to grieve and not try to cover it all up with smiles and “I’m fine.” This is my first experience, […]

Various Updates

January 25, 2010


I’ve been working on my memoir for quite some time now, writing and rewriting, trying to polish the three of four chapters I need to submit with the proposal, and while I’m feeling good about certain parts, I have to admit I’ve taken on a huge task in what I plan to do with the […]

And in a moment, everything changes.

June 30, 2009

Comments Off on And in a moment, everything changes.

There was no clue last night that would have led me to believe when I awoke this morning, life would be changed, and the changes made would be irrevocable. There was no little voice in my head saying “Be careful tomorrow, something big is going to happen” or “Get some rest because you will need […]

A Lesson in Humility

June 3, 2009


After yesterday, any day would do. I take that back. I must stop living in a yesterday, or a tomorrow, because for as shitty as today also turned out to be, there is one little gem that made me smile, right before I sat down to write this. It started early morning with my regular […]

Staying Out of the Results

June 2, 2009


I don’t feel like writing. I don’t feel like talking. I feel like all day, meeting after meeting (two today, one SAA, one AA and then the beginning of the big book with my sponsor), conversations with my mother, father, sister, Duncan, E-Deezy, every fucking body on this planet who gives a fuck, I feel […]

Need Anything at Every Given Moment, Someone Loved That Hate I Am

June 1, 2009


It was a seemingly innocent question that almost sent me into a rage at the counter while purchasing Saucerton’s new dog food and Sensei’s kitty food this morning in Studio City. A question that’s asked a million times throughout our days, and I’ve always wondered how many people are actually honest in the response, knowing […]


May 30, 2009


Went to San Diego last night with a short request list. That Kai Bleeze, my oldest dearest friend on this earth, not get fucked up while I stay down there. This request seemed small, seemed as though it was an appropriate thing to ask. But many things over the past 48 hours have proved quite […]


May 28, 2009


Where are we? What the hell is going on? The dust has only just begun to fall, Crop circles in the carpet, sinking, feeling. Spin me round again and rub my eyes. This can’t be happening. When busy streets a mess with people would stop to hold their heads heavy. For some reason, things have […]

Gateway to the Universe or Portal to Hell

May 19, 2009


Today was another fantastic day. Well, there were some bumps, most definitely, but not like the scary kind you find on your private parts after a drunken stupid night with a stranger you met at the bar, but like little speed bumps that slow you down on the residential street of your day. My day […]

The pink cloud has burst

May 16, 2009


For some reason, I thought this no drinking thing would be a walk in the park. Easy peasy japanesey. But I see today, after the explosion of my pink cloud yesterday, the failed logic in my thinking: nothing that is “worth it” is easy. They say in the early stages of sobriety that we, the […]